I Want

I want to lose weight, to drop the 30+ pounds I've put on over the last year.

I want to continue working out, adding more nights (and more classes) to my routine.

I want to wear the clothes in my closet that haven't seen the light of day in months.

I want to actually send the birthday/anniversary/engagement/thank-you cards—all piled nicely on my back-room table—to the various friends and family for who they were intended.

I want to get Christmas presents taken care of before the month of December. (Most people will be getting framed photos from us, as we're poor. And we'll also be jumping on the Secret Santa bandwagon whenever we can.)

I want to print and frame some of the great photos we've taken over the last year, especially from our wedding. It's been four months and there's not a SINGLE wedding picture framed in our home.

I want to organize my closet.

I want to keep our house picked up and clutter free.

I want to turn off the TV and computer more than I currently do, which is never.

I want to begin and finish Pride and Prejudice next month. I've never read it, and although I hear it can be a beating to get through, I WANT TO READ IT. I was an English major. It's embarrassing how few classics I've actually read. (Although I'll never pick up another Dickens title, and I'm fine with that.)

I want to take Molly for more walks.

I want to cook (notice I can't say more, as I currently don't cook at all). I have a subscription to Everyday with Rachael Ray, but I've never made a single dish from the magazine. I doggy-ear like a crazy woman but I need to stop microwaving or making toast (fine, or picking up Taco Bell) for dinner and really step it up in the kitchen. There's no excuse, and I know that.

I want to have dinner parties and make fun cocktails.

I want to explore our city more often. It's often said that you don't have to leave town to take a vacation. You can go to museums, hot spots, great restaurants, plays, city events, B&Bs, downtown hotels, etc, without ever getting on a plane. But instead we go to On the Border or the local Cinemark for entertainment. Why? I really don't know.

I want to run races, 5Ks and 10Ks and eventually sprint triathlons.

I want to be nicer to Mike when he's behind the wheel. He drives too fast, too aggressive, and I hate it. But I always ask him to drive, and that's hypocritical of me. And, also, since we began dating, my number of wrecks total more than his. So, I'm not sure where I found my soapbox, but it wasn't at Valid-Reasons-to-Yell-'R'-Us.

I want to see a movie by myself. Dooce said Once is week-changing (and, just as with Oprah, I'll do whatever Dooce tells me to do), and it's playing a block from my office. If a co-worker or friend can't go with me, I need to go alone.

I want to take a picnic lunch to the park (with my husband and dog) before the weather cools off. Thankfully, we have a few extra weeks than the rest of the country to enjoy being outside (or at least to put off wearing a coat).

I want to own a winter coat (I never have; I'm not lying.)

I want to decorate my house for Halloween.

I want to host a Halloween party. Mike's already said OK, so I should start planning the menu and the guest list and, of course, the Halloween cocktail.

I genuinely want all of these things, yet can't find the motivation to go about DOING ANY OF THEM. It's not exactly the best way to live life, wanting so many things I can actually have yet obviously not wanting them enough to STEP AWAY FROM THE DVR or, sadly, a value meal from McDonald's (with a sundae for dessert).

I need to go after what I want.

It's not as if I have an endless amount of time. It's not as if balance will ever get easier. It's not as if I have anyone to blame but myself, and perhaps the laziness I inherited. (It has to be inherited, right? It comes pretty damn naturally.)

It's not as if happiness is for someone else to give me.

It's up to me to make my life what I want it to be. And I'm sick of pretending it isn't.

Comments

[Raven (just expressive)]

Taking the first step leads to other things!

Of course I still haven't motivated myself to actually JOIN the Y but I have been cooking more and keeping my house clean.

Baby steps. Big lists are too daunting.

[jodi]

You can do it, you just have to really, really WANT to.

Like my 10 pounds.

[Natalie]

I think writing it all down will help you go after what you really want. And don't beat yourself up if you can't do it all! That's a pretty hefty list. Start with something small, like making one homemade meal per week. And watching only 2 shows per night or something??

And dear, everyone argues with their significant other in the car. I thought my parents were nuts when they said they wanted to get an RV together. Its a sure thing that any time they are both in the car they will fight!

[stephanie]

maybe i can help.

a winter coat? you really don't want one. trust me. because then it means it's cold where you are. trust me. winter=cold=evil.

someone once told me a clean house is the sign of a life not well lived. that person is now my personal hero.

i've read pride and prejudice. it wasn't very good. try anna karenina, though. heart-wrenching.

my boy doesn't drive nearly fast enough - and he stays in second gear at the point where i'd already be up in fifth. i feel your pain.

and i've never been to a movie alone either.

[Michelle]

You have inspired me to get off my duff and start DOING instead of TALKING.
I hope I actually follow through with it.
And going to a movie alone is oddly empowering.

[Katie]

As daunting as your list seems, they are all reasonable and that is smart! I can't wait to hear about your progress. :)

[Roz]

Bah...i feel the same.

I wish all that stuff was just done already!

bah...

[Kristabella]

Word. I want most of that too. Especially for the damn weight to come off.

You would think a steady diet of pizza, beer, burritos and wine would make the pounds just melt off.

[jonniker]

Wait, why no Dickens? Someone else just said that to me!

Dude, knowing what you want is way more than half the battle. I commend you.