On What I Believe In

First, we don't have cable. It was turned off on Friday because of a payment glitch and even though the payment glitch has since been sorted out and Verizon has since offered us their sincerest (ha!) apologies and we have since shelled out what we needed to shell out in order TO GET OUR TIVO RETURNED TO WORKING ORDER RIGHT THIS DAMN MINUTE, Verizon apparently doesn't care how badly my face twitches when I'm separated this long from Laguna Beach re-runs.

I secretly think Google Reader may have been behind the whole Verizon fiasco, giving me the gentle nudge I needed to catch up on all of your blogs. And I did just that. With Molly on one side and a constant string of Diet Dr. Peppers on the other. Along the way, I read this post. And, well, that last line, that question, sort of obviously screamed POST IDEA.

I won't delve into religion here, at least not yet, as I've recently curbed my alcohol intake and that really does seem a topic I'll need to tackle after a glass or seventeen of wine. But what is my life made up of? What stirs in me? What―other than a very expensive and rather unreliable alarm clock―moves me to get up each morning?

What do I believe in?

To me there's no blanket answer, no universal recipe that fits nicely in the blank. It's a specific question, meant for no two answers to resemble each other. And I've thought all day about what my answer looks like.

Mike and I went to Wal-Mart last night because it was a little past ten and Target's SOLE flaw is its hours of operation. We were looking for an air filter and a few more Smart Ones pizzas (WHICH THEY DIDN'T HAVE; WAL-MART I DESPISE YOU) and managed to leave with $68 worth of consolation crap. We brought Molly and left her in the car, windows cracked. And then we swung by Sonic on the way home. As we drove down Main Street, Lemon Berry Slush and Diet Cherry Limeade in hand, Mike started talking about work. Molly―weighing in at 40 pounds as the world's largest and most oblivious lap dog―rode shot gun with me. Then we started talking about babies and although I'm not pregnant (lest you make the same mistake Idiot Bar Patron made) babies are a fairly regular conversation topic between Mike and me. We mostly discuss how long we think we'll be able to exploit our children's dependence on us in order to never have to fetch our own beers. And also our future son's name, since Mike and I can't seem to agree on a boy's name TO SAVE OUR LIVES. About a block from home, I realized that I believe―deeply―in the power of an ordinary life. And, more specifically, what my ordinary life is made up of.

I believe that my husband pushes me on the cart in any given store because it amuses him when I yell out "Faster!" just as much as it amuses me to yell it. I believe that there are a few things a life can never gets its fill of, and shoes are one such thing. I believe my mother doesn't know how strong she is and my father doesn't know strong I am. I believe that someone's flip judgment can devastate even the best day, and even if we shouldn't care―even if we're bigger than that―we can sometimes morph back into the most insecure version of ourselves because of it. I believe that even our best friends disappoint us, and we soon realize that sometimes people can't give us what we can give them. And that's okay. I believe champagne isn't only meant for special occasions. I believe that romance is an undefinable word, as one person's bouquet of flowers is absolutely another person's case of Diet Dr. Pepper. I believe traveling should be on everyone's to-do list and the laundry really can wait. I believe in the power of a smile, a card, a gesture, a touch. I believe most people are just looking for someone to hear them, and don't need anything resembling advice. I believe I will always be my own person and no single role will define me, and I believe that declaration will blur into something unrecognizable one day and I'll have to reclaim it over and over and over again so that my laziness and dependence on others won't be allowed to win in the end. I believe we are at war unnecessarily and that our country can no longer determine what an honorable politician looks like. I believe that the media has taken over on a scale we can't comprehend but parents still influence their children more than anyone. I believe that Texas is wrongfully stereotyped, and Texas A&M will win a national championship in my lifetime. I believe that movies affect us differently in a theater and there is no such thing as bad pizza. I believe that life would be sweeter with background music and TV will never get better than Veronica Mars. And I believe that, ultimately, life is defined by how we treat the people who love us.

Finally, I don't believe that my husband completed me or fixed me or is my soulmate but, rather, that I chose him and continue to choose him every day because he quieted my mind in such a way that running errands and paying bills, taking the car in for an oil change or driving in commute traffic, seems less cumbersome because I know it all ends with a left turn onto our street, with my husband on the other side of our green door. I believe that although I could live without him, if life was cruel enough to force me, I will never want to. I believe that I want a life with him more than I want a life without him. And I believe that I do our marriage no kindness by pretending his stubbornness doesn't make me eye a suitcase every now and again.

And I believe―even though I sop up every little bit of this life that I can, even though my dog jumping up to greet me every night still makes me smile, even though my husband's hair and his groggy adorability make life worth it on a level that all these ridiculous words could never come close to describing―that this ordinarily beautiful life of mine will still suck ass if we don't get our cable turned back on like five minutes ago.

Comments

[Elizabeth]

I really enjoyed this.
I've never heard described so perfectly something I think I feel as well...how ordinary life can be so wonderful.

[alyndabear]

Loved everything you wrote.. and the last line made it priceless.

[Angella]

Great post, Jennie.

And the last line made me laugh out loud :)

[Kristabella]

This was great.

Although, I'm going to have to disagree with you on the pizza thing.

[jodi]

great, great, great post. You deserve some kind of award for that.

[anne]

I believe that this was so awesome - well put on many different levels. I also beleive that you should go without TV more often! Well not really, because that is kind of a mean thing. But you get my drift.

[Raven]

I believe we should have entrance music like in wrestling. When we walk into a room, we should get to pick the music that announces our mood so that people know just what they are dealing with!

I also believe that you all are responsible for the 4 pairs of shoes I purchased this weekend.

4.

[Natalie]

I love love this post! Especially the paragraph about Mike. I think that he has completed you, and I like the end result. I enjoy seeing you so happy! And the last line was so funny!!

[Crystal]

Wonderful. It is great to see someone so appreciative of their world and their partner--and with a sense of humor.

[Kristie]

Cable is the only thing I really believe in, too.

[Emily Pie]

deep.

I really love how you described your relationship. Very sweet.

Funny this comes up on the same night hubby and I discussed (yet again) the possibility of shutting off our cable. I thought I could do it this summer ( as we NEVER watch TV in the summer, unless it is a Netflix movie) but we hesitated and now it is cold and dark outside.. and I feel the need to watch multiple episodes of America's Next Top Model in a row. I don't think we will be canceling our cable now. Thank you!

[Wully]

Even though I hate to read and I've been reading the Rules and Regulations of the NYSE and NASD fot the past 7 hours, this was the perfect conclusion to my reading day. ~LVS!

P.S. SCREW VERIZON!

[Bethany]

Beautifully and comically written simple truths Jennie. Keep them clutched in your fist for easy access and you will forever inspire.

[Someone Being Me]

Amen. Well written.

[Katie]

Love your belief in an ordinary life and how beautifully you mapped that out for us. Great post.

[Roz]

and i believe life would be SO BORING without your posts.

HOW you are so funny is beyond me, but i love it!

[Michelle]

I believe you and I would be good friends IRL. I believe we wouldn't agree on everything, which every good friendship needs. But we would have a rockin' good time.

Also, Raven, my song would be "Final Countdown" by Europe. I've thought about it a lot. And I am obviously lame.

[Closetmom]

This is really nice!

[bethany actually]

I don't say this very often, so feel special: I so enjoy reading whatever you choose to write. I hope that on my better days I write half as well as you do. :-) Rock on.