Hi, I'm Jennie

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    "I used to fear this life, this suburban mortgage and white fence and a baby on my hip. I want more, I used to think. I wanted Spain and novels and wild loves and adventures.

    I met your dad and instantly wanted you."

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Tuesday, February 05, 2008

One Day, Maybe I Will

An idea I blatantly stole borrowed from Swistle.

10 Things I Want to Say to 10 Specific (but Anonymous) Someones

1) I love you more than you love me. And I'm OK with that. One day, though, we'll have to talk about why you're not able to give me more, and having that conversation is going to blow your tight grip on denial all to hell. 

2) You've changed. I've changed. We're both so terrified of having a conversation about it, so we pretend nothing has changed. I'm afraid one day we'll both just slip out of each other's life. We should really talk before that happens, as, wow, I'd miss you.

3) I sometimes think of you and most of the time I have to remind myself you were actually a part of my life once. It just all seems so long ago. I hope you're happy. And I hope you know that I really did care for you. I couldn't figure out how to have you and the life I wanted, simultaneously. So I let you go. It was the best decision I've ever made and one that still makes me ache.

4) I think you could really be happy and at peace. But I worry you'll never allow yourself that.

5) All I want is for your life to be what you want it to be. I hope that if it isn't now, it one day will be.

6) You made me laugh harder than almost anyone in my life, past or present. I can't quite figure out if my life is meant to have you in it or if it's better off without you. I think it's something I'll always be torn about.

7) I'll never see you again, and that's as it should be. But that also means I'll never get the opportunity to tell you the way you treated me was wrong. I never told you I was worth more than that, even though it was so simple and so obvious. You broke me and hurt me and, really, you owe me one hell of an apology.

8) Your anger really, really worries me. 

9) I think we love each other enough to stay friends forever—and that's really something, considering all we've been through (and, really, all we've put each other through).

10) What if it's all my fault?

::

And one thing I can say while TOTALLY naming names: Google Reader, you're an asshole.

Posted at 08:51 PM in All About Me, Blogging, Listing |

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Comments

bethany actually

But this came through for me on Google Reader! I read this already! Weird.

Posted by: bethany actually | Tuesday, February 05, 2008 at 08:57 PM

Loralee

OMG FINALLY! I can FINALLY click over and comment.

I relate to this post like you cannot believe.
I feel less solitary now. Thank you.

Posted by: Loralee | Tuesday, February 05, 2008 at 08:57 PM

Unnaturally Blonde

I love this idea for venting feelings.

Posted by: Unnaturally Blonde | Tuesday, February 05, 2008 at 09:06 PM

EmilyPie

There you go... digging all deep inside you again ... making me twinge uncomfortable twinges at the thought of me trying to come up with ideas like this ... nice job.

Posted by: EmilyPie | Tuesday, February 05, 2008 at 09:51 PM

Larissa

I have a feeling that Google Reader feels bad for being a jerk, and will make up for it soon.

Posted by: Larissa | Tuesday, February 05, 2008 at 10:35 PM

Heather B.

Google Reader blows but this does not.

Yes, I did just say that. Out loud and not in my head where it should have stayed.

Anyway, I really enjoy posts like this. I always feel inspired to do one. Yours is one of my favorites.

Posted by: Heather B. | Tuesday, February 05, 2008 at 11:17 PM

Vanessa

This was an amazing post. I could use at least three of these as openers to certain people in my life.

Posted by: Vanessa | Wednesday, February 06, 2008 at 02:17 AM

Michelle & the City

google reader is definitely an asshole. sometimes i post at 8 or 9 in the morning and it doesn't show up until late afternoon. grr.

Posted by: Michelle & the City | Wednesday, February 06, 2008 at 09:44 AM

Katie

This is such an interesting post. Sometimes it's therapeutic enough just to write those kinds of things down on paper. I might have to try this one day.

Posted by: Katie | Wednesday, February 06, 2008 at 09:56 AM

Jess

I read this on GR yesterday and I'm glad to see you've reposted it the real way today. Also, GR seems to have fixed itself today. Knock on wood.

Posted by: Jess | Wednesday, February 06, 2008 at 10:39 AM

Kristie

I'm gonna steal this idea too. Thanks. :)

Oh and totally off topic, Jackson and I read The Hungry Catapillar last night and he loved trying to get his fingers in the tiny holes and turning the small half pages! Thank you darling!

Posted by: Kristie | Wednesday, February 06, 2008 at 12:01 PM

Someone Being Me

What a great way to get that off your chest. I need to do that.

Posted by: Someone Being Me | Wednesday, February 06, 2008 at 02:49 PM

Natalie

I love it! But, I want to know who you are talking to!

Posted by: Natalie | Wednesday, February 06, 2008 at 10:57 PM

Kristabella

OK, I was thinking it was me because I was having problems with your site through Google reader. I thought you shut down or something.

And also, this is agreat idea! I may steal it!

Posted by: Kristabella | Wednesday, February 06, 2008 at 11:21 PM

The comments to this entry are closed.

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  • Secrets
    You’re only as unique as the secrets you keep. Go do something good. Go do something evil. In solitude and love, it’s beyond good and evil. Go do these things and tell no one. Let them quicken the throb of your heart and the pace of your blood and, as you become your own poem, watch who you become. People will see it in your eyes—not the content of your secrets—but the fact that you have secrets, that you know and have seen secret things. They will love you and hate you, want to possess and destroy you.

My Very Grand 2012 To-Do List

  • 1. Create a business plan for the 5K I'd like to organize.
    2. Finally buy those investment jeans.
    3. Get brave with a new hair color.
    4. Read all my book club selections.
    5. Make Kyle's baby blanket and book of letters.
    6. Take at least one yoga class a month.
    7. Make a neighborhood friend.
    8. Organize the upstairs work space.
    9. Go to the Fort Worth Modern Art Museum and eat lunch at Cafe Modern.
    10. Write and submit a piece on parenting.
    11. PR in every distance (5K, 10K, half-marathon).
    12. Get a third tattoo.
    13. Throw a baby shower.
    14. Take a trip with Mike, to celebrate our fifth anniversary.
    15. See a therapist.
    16. Update my SS card and passport.
    17. Make a general doctor's appointment.
    18. Go horseback riding.
    19. Decide what to do with my race bibs.
    20. Make these envelopes for thank you cards.
    21. Create and fill up a magical thinking jar.
    22. Paint some mason jars for our kitchen.
    23. Do something with the space above our couch.
    24. Create a nostalgia wall on the wall by our stairs.
    25. Sneak in cans of champagne to a chick flick with friends.
    26. Replace our kitchen counters.
    27. Have a garage sale and donate half the money to our local food bank.
    28. Create an address wreath for our front door.
    29. Paint our front door.
    30. Run at least 250 miles throughout the year.
    31. Find a charity that speaks to me, that I can become a voice for.
    32. Say something out loud every day.
    33. Go back to College Station.
    34. Pose for a boudoir session.
    35. Wear pretty new under things on New Year's Day.
    36. Enjoy Boston cream pie cupcakes.
    37. Host a more organized run at this year's Blathering.
    38. Take a family trip, even if it's just a weekend drive somewhere nearby.
    39. Hold Natalie's baby boy in the hospital.
    40. Create an Activities Advent Calendar for an early month in 2012.
    41. Create my Christmas Plan by November 1st.
    42. Create a media kit for my Lush sites.
    43. Replace our stockings for 2012.
    44. Buy a tree skirt.
    45. Go to kickboxing, at least five times.
    46. Sell 50 shirts through Cherry Jean.
    47. Finish the 6-week boot camp class I've already paid for.
    48. No phone or computer between 6 pm - Kyle's bedtime.
    49. Start marathon prep.
    50. Host a champagne-inspired dinner (champagne risotto, champagne cocktails, etc.)
    51. Do something with our front porch.
    52. Take Kyle on a night out of town, just us two.
    53. Eat at Salsa Fuego, in Fort Worth.
    54. Throw Mike a very rad 35th birthday party.
    55. Re-read To Kill a Mockingbird.
    56. Post on She Likes Purple at least 3x a week.
    57. Play poker.
    58. Volunteer at a race.
    59. Karaoke, at least once!
    60. Regularly work out the month of December.
    61. Write a fictional story (here, on paper, submitted, somehow).
    62. Hit send on a hard email.
    63. Host an outdoor movie night in our yard.
    64. Wear a swimsuit.
    65. Put a new pin in our wall map.
    66. Buy a great pair of impractical heels.
    67. See Beauty & the Beast in a theater, again.
    68. See the Nutcracker, Christmas season 2012.
    69. Run 15 miles, at some point.
    70. Get a new blender and food processor.
    71. Go to the ballet.
    72. Take professional family photos.
    73. Write a letter to Mike once a month.
    74. Do 10 real push-ups and one pull-up.
    75. Run 3 miles for my 30th birthday.
    76. Create an awesome headboard.