Things I Learned While Watching The Bachelor, Part Two

(First part—in case you care, which I would not die of shock if you didn't—can be read here.)

1. I kind of liked Holly at first. She's mellow and cute. She seemed sweet enough, didn't she? But unless she was told by some prankster ABC interns that this season was to be shot in Siberia or that the budget was slashed to do away with beach excursions, swimming pools and sunny activities there is hardly a rationalization for packing a SPRAY TANNER in her suitcase. Think of the shoes you could have brought along instead, Holly! The slinky dresses! Think of all the space you could have left for pilfering expensive champagne or a few of the nine thousand candles around the house! To sum up, I learned Holly is stupid.

2. I still think Matt is the coolest bachelor ABC has offered up to viewers thus far, but the cheesy hot tub quasi-rose ceremony with Holly? NOT COOL.

3. Shayne "doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve." She does wear her crazy there, though.

4. I don't know how I could be disappointed that the Red Bikini Girl from "Endless Bummer" was comfortable enough to show her hoo-ha to Holly and the entire camera crew, but look at that, I was.

5. Holly's reasoning for becoming a children's book author gave me the inkling that she couldn't toss the word "published" in front of her title.

6. Judge me, if you will, but I kind of love drunk, crazy Kelley.

7. And Chelsea, too. (Especially after the credits-rolling scene where she was trying on all of Shayne's [not cute] shoes.)

8. Amanda, were you really shocked that Matt liked music? I know when you first start seeing someone you sometimes feign interest in their interests but music? That seems like a fairly universal one.

9. Shayne may be an alcoholic. There was actual gulping when she was drinking her wine. I'm just saying.

10. More people need to cheer when I walk into the room.

11. I am just as shocked as you are going to be after I type this out, but did Shayne have a pretty valid point when she was chastising Robin at the rose ceremony? I kind of think she did, and OH MY GOSH, WHAT HAS THIS SHOW DONE TO ME?

Comments

[Ashley Forrette]

I love this. You need to do it every week.

[Rachel]

Wish I could get into The Bachelor...

[britt]

i rarely get to catch the bachelor episodes but i love your overviews!! keep them up!

[Heather B.]

(This has nothing to do with The Bachelor for I do not watch The Bachelor but um, I have that hoodie from Anthropologie and I thouhgt you'd like to know. Carry on.)

[Elizabeth]

I love your overviews. Do you take notes? ;)
#9, exactly what I thought right after Shayne says "oh, I love wine", *gulp gulp*

And the Holly's spray tanner: "I wasn't going to tell any of the other girls", but how the heck was she going to airbrush herself?! That was more ridiculous than Shayne's suitcases full of boots, boots and shoes.

And I don't know why, but I like Robin. Those others are just bitchy because they don't know how to "play the game"... it's like Survivor nowadays: those people are scheming the minute they get cast, the first season was more about figuring things out, now it's all about the alliances. They're "playing the game", yo.

[Michelle & the City]

i know! i feel like i am slowly losing brain cells while i watch it!

i STILL can't believe he gave shayne a rose. talk about a crazy person.

and robin? ugh. she already HAD A ROSE. i see her point about it being a game, but geez show some common courtesy. because matt's not going to be rude and just walk away from you and spend time with everyone else. although i think he should.

[Jennifer Resemius]

Robin and Holly did the same thing and they didn't pick on Holly the way they did Robin. Totally think they should have. I thought it was completely uncool. Also I agree that I am probably loosing brain cells as I watch the show and yet I can't seem to stop....

[Camels & Chocolate]

I like Kelley and Chelse, too! But that Shayne, she just chaps my hide and frosts my cookies. I can't take her. But if it were between her and Robin? Yeah, I'd go with Shayne any ole day.

Holly is still adorable but a) kind of a dumb ass and b) so NOT a published author.

[Loralee]

Now I may have to actually watch this season.

Dammit.

And #10?

I secretly think everyone should stand up and sing a few measures of "The Hallelujah Chorus" whenever I enter the room.

(I'm just sayin'...)

[ali]

the spray tanner KILLED me.
that might have been the best thing i've seen on tv. (better than the LOST season 3 finale)

[MissyE]

Number #3 made my day!! Thanks!

[Kristabella]

1. You should totally come over to MamaPop Talk and open thread this with us on Monday nights. These are some of the exact same things we've said.

2. Shayne not only gulped, she almost spilled that glass of champagne ALL over her right before he gave her the rose. I HATE her.

3. I like Robin. She's right. It is a competition, she needs to stay at the front of his mind, rose or not.

[Rhi]

I am so glad I was FINALLY able to read this. I just watched last week's episode.

All I have to say is SHAYNE SHUT UP.