A Reminder Of How Lucky I Am

So, I commented on a post over at Girl's Gone Child the other day, a post that called for most-memorable-meeting-of-a-friend stories. I told the story (which is the first comment over there; feel free to go read) of how I became friends with Crystal, the friend who introduced me to my now-husband and the friend whose hand I held through her divorce a few years ago and whose current relationship I watched blossom from one date to a second and much-happier and more peaceful marriage and whose baby shower I'm hosting next month and who said to me at dinner the other night—as I was on the verge of tears about our infertility problems—"I am going to tell your kid one day how much you went through to have them; how much you love them." And then she bought me dinner.

I won the contest, which is totally cool because—like everyone who wins something says—I USUALLY NEVER WIN ANYTHING!

I haven't shared this before, but about a year ago my friendship with Crystal was at its lowest point, and I really did worry that the scars from the situation would forever haunt us. It scared me, a lot, and I spent a lot of time crying. I loved her, and I didn't want to lose her. It's not that I ever thought I'd actually "lose" her, but I didn't want to lose the friendship as it was—deep and real and fun. We've slowly made our way back, and I hope she agrees with me when I say, I've never felt more supported or cared for by her than now.

The last line of my comment over on GGC says, "We are so close. She is family. And it all started because she looked past the stupid, ridiculous, insecure woman I was and saw me for who I am. And vice versa."

I don't think we can help hurting the people we love sometimes; it feels almost inevitably human of us to do so. I also don't think we can really help acting like an ass or saying stupid things or occasionally breaking our word or just generally sucking at friendship and life, but if we do it right—if we choose just so—we may find someone who isn't immune to things, no, but who looks past them anyway. Who believes we are worth fighting for and forgiving.

Crystal said once, ages ago, that she knew if she ever needed anything, if she needed a ride at 2am or someone to break the kneecaps of some idiot who had hurt her, I would be there. And it's true. It's at the core of all good friendships: the comfortable knowledge that if we really needed something—a hand, a shoulder, a loan, a safe place to fall—all we'd have to do is ask.

But the best of friends—the kind of friend who sends you a small angel to keep in your pocket because she knows not being pregnant is breaking you in half and you could use all the help, figurative or otherwise, you can get—are there for you without ever needing to be asked.

They are there for you before you even realized you needed them to be.

(Arkansas stories! Tomorrow!)

Comments

[Moose]

What a lovely post. Friends are one of the most important things in life, that's for sure.

(And if I haven't mentioned it yet, I love your new banner. SHOES!)

[bethany actually]

Congratulations on your win! That's exciting. :-) And I am so thankful that you have a friend like Crystal in your life who will be able to tell your future kids how much you loved and wanted them before they were ever conceived.

[Jess]

I know that Crystal is special and unique in so many ways, but believe me when I say that she is not the only one who will be prepared to tell your kid about how badly you wanted them and how much you love them. We will all be there to do that.

[Sarah]

That is a really sweet tribute to such a great friend. It is funny how we are always aware of how lucky we are but we hardly ever express it. Good job at expressing it.

[Rhi]

This is a very sweet post. And, now I am going to tell my bff to stop being such a poo, or else I am going to flick her. Seriously! She's being a huge poo!

[Steph]

Congratulations on your win! And your great friend. And for winning for having such a great friend! :)

[GirlsGoneChild]

Woo! Your story was amazing! Loved it. Thank you so much for sharing and kiss on your cheeks! xo, Bec

[Kristabella]

Congrats on the contest win! She sounds like a great friend! I have a few of those and they are the absolute BEST kind!

[Kristie]

Congrats on the win! I'm so glad you have a friend like Crystal. Everyone needs one or two of those.

[JennyL]

I have a friend going through fertility treatments. She lives in a different city, and although we see each other almost every other month, mostly we communicate by email. Sometimes she gives me updates on her fertility status (IVF right now), but not regularly, although I think about her all the time. I want her to know how much I care. Sometimes when we're together she'll say how hard it is to tell family that they were unsuccessful again, and that she can't bear to tell anyone else (ie. friends). I want to be there for her, but I really know it's not all about me. I send "thinking of you" emails, but would like to do more, without making her feel guilty for not keeping me in the loop. Any suggestions?

[Ashley Forrette]

Congrats! that is so sweet you two have that. really special!

[lissa]

It's so great to have a friend like that is so special to you. My best friend Jenny and I have gone through a similar experience when she was getting married, and me being the single girl, of course wallowed in misery. She was there for me as I cried because I felt like I was losing my friend. She lives in Colorado and we talk all the time but i know if I ever needed her she would be on the first flight down to Texas and vice versa.

[Nicole]

OK, Jennifer. I don't know how you did it, but you wrote a post that is EXACTLY what I needed to read today. And I am actually copying and pasting some of this post into a document so I can print it off and place it on my desk to remind myself daily of what I realized after reading it. So, thank you.

And congratulations on your win! We all need a Crystal to lean on and vice versa.