Let's Talk About It, Shall We?

Can I just say I keep one helluva secret? This shocks no-one more than me, I swear. See, I've known about this little bit of news -- this life-changing, tear- (and if we're being honest, vomit-) inducing news -- for almost a month now. A MONTH. And I've kept my hands clicking away on safe subjects such as BlogHer clothes and TV shows and not on the one subject I most wanted to talk about. All I've wanted to do is tell you that all your good wishes and prayers and sweet e-mails weren't in vain. They helped! They worked! We're having a baby!

But family had to be told first as I just know if my mom or sister had found out about their grandchild/niece/nephew on the Internet, there would be a few feisty and resentful people at any future baby showers. And they give good gifts! Why would I knowingly piss them off? (And can I just say telling my mother and having her TURN TO THE TABLE BEHIND US to tell them the good news was one of life's finer moments.)

Most of the family/circle of friends have been told now, so I can go ahead and give you some details. (Not those details and you're welcome for that.)

We sort of chalked May up to "the month that got away"* because it was a rather insane month, and I wanted to face the reality that the chances just weren't good. I was out of town on business for a few days, I was staying away from Mike for Natalie's wedding, I had a (beautiful and lovely!) house guest for a little while, and so I gave us a break. We were still on medicine, we were still well aware of when I was ovulating, but the window of opportunity to "capitalize" on things was small and I told myself it probably wouldn't happen and that would just have to be alright. (Which is why I wrote this. And, yep, I was [unknowingly] pregnant when I hit publish. THE. IRONY.)

So when I became officially "late," I got a little pissed at myself. BECAUSE THAT'S JUST RUDE, SELF. Don't taunt the infertile. (That should be the name of a book! Or a band!) But I had grand plans to go watch Mike practice hockey one night and if that -- the act of watching my husband skate around a rink of ice -- isn't scintillating enough there was a bar. With alcohol. Before I downed a pitcher or two of beer, I thought, Well, I may as well take a test. That's the responsible thing to do. So I can drink without guilt. I mean does anyone order their pitcher of frosty Bud Light with a side of guilt? (No comments on how disgusting Bud Light is. This pregnant woman has been known to cry over less. LIKE AT GENERAL HOSPITAL, I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING.)

Anyway, Mike was home when I got home -- tests and a BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE in tow; when you go a year without seeing the extra line, there is nothing in your mental capacity that is prepared for the moment after you see that extra line, and so you pick up champagne because that's just what you do when you're in Wal-Mart and you have to pass the champagne aisle anyway to get to the dairy aisle -- and I snuck into the bathroom and peed on what I was supposed to pee on and before I even had the chance to lay that sucker on a flat surface, there were two lines forming. And I kid you not the first thing I thought was, "Even the fucking tests are mocking me." So I grabbed the box and made sure I was reading it right and then I sort of stumbled out into the kitchen where Mike was and walked over to him and said, "Um? This says I'm pregnant?" And that, Internet, is how I told my husband he was going to be a father. In the form of a half-question. And we stood there, sort of confusedly looking at one another, not understanding what was going on and then he said, "Wait? What?" And I said, "Yeah, I don't get it either." And there were no tears. And no jumping up and down. And, let's be honest, NO SIGNS OF INTELLIGENT LIFE ANYWHERE. We were just so ... sure ... it wasn't going to be that easy. That it would require a lot more work and medicine and procedures and, fuck, MONEY. It was the best moment of my life so far and I swear to you, if you could have witnessed it, it would have annoyed the hell out of you because we could not even believe it enough to REACT.

We now believe it a little more -- although there's still a part of me that doesn't think it'll be real until I'm holding that kiddo -- and every day that passes we get a little more used to the idea that we get to be parents! We get our shot at sending an innocent little thing straight into the arms of a psychiatrist! We're thrilled! We're excited! Well we're all of those things when I'm awake which, just ask my husband, IS NOT VERY OFTEN. One huge, kick-me-in-the-ass symptom of pregnancy: chronic napping.

I wish I could find the perfect words to sum this post up, something along the lines of how lucky I feel and how wonderful Mike has been (you have no idea) and how we're really, really ready for this next chapter and how I'm so glad fashion these days is maternity-friendly and how I've been craving Crunchwrap Supremes from Taco Bell like you wouldn't BELIEVE and how just when I thought life couldn't get any sweeter, it went and got as sweet as it could ever get and how I'm totally convinced we're having a boy and how, holy cow, this is all so cool, right? But all the right words just fail me and I end up crying (see: DURING GENERAL HOSPITAL) and stuttering and I realize there are no words. They don't exist. This is bigger than words. It's as big as life gets (and, I hear, that'll be a literal statement in a few months when I can't stand up without grunting or knocking over the couch).

So I'll say this -- even though it's a fraction of how I really feel and it falls terribly short -- thank you. Thank you to each of you, checking in or otherwise. Thank you to my husband -- who SAJ, I'm hanging onto, don't you worry -- and thank you to whoever out there thought I was worthy to be a mother. I'm going to take this job really, ridiculously seriously. (I swear, I only forgot to feed Molly that one time when Mike was out of town. FINE. TWICE. She's still alive! She's fine!)

The day after Mike and I found out, I bought ninety-five other tests because, um, I STILL DIDN'T GET IT, and I took this picture to send to him at work. He wrote back and said, "I can't stop smiling."

Baby, wow, do I know exactly what you mean.

Oh and the kid's birthstone will be purple. How's that for perfect?

::

*Note: if anyone leaves a comment that says "I told you it would happen when you least expected it!" I'm going to send you the baby when it's teething.

Comments

[slynnro]

If I ever get pregnant, it will happen exactly like this. We'll be all "Huh, would you look at that."

[Rhi]

OH MY GOSH! JENNIE!!!

YAY!!!

You and Cherie are pregnant together! Is that not what friends DREAM OF?

Congratulations Mama!!

[Sabrina]

I could have written that. You just described EXACTLY how it went for me. The meds, but busy with other things going on, so not really thinking it would happen. The test and half-question (followed by HOURS of googling pregnancy tests at 10DPO). I think we spent the next 2 months in complete disbelief, fear and the greatest excitement ever.

I am so happy for you (again). I can't wait to hear about your progress and see pics of your gorgeous little baby.

[Loralee]

I am just sooo thrilled, THRILLED for you. Treasure every single moment. Even the difficult ones. That is the best advice that I can give you.

[Camels & Chocolate]

Just like mine! Because your baby and I are going to have the same birthday! And purple is my favorite color, too (I'm wearing it right now!)! And enough with all the exclamation points!

[Dianna]

Jennie, I am so incredibly HAPPY for you! My boyfriend just looked at me and said "Do you smile like that when you read my emails?"!
You and Mike are going to be such INCREDIBLE parents and I am so excited to read about your experiences. Oh, and sorry about the vomiting, that can't be too much fun, but I'm sure it will be well worth it in the end.

[bethany actually]

I hear ya on the pregnancy-induced chronic napping. I loved those naps! Also, that's pretty much how I reacted to being pregnant too. "Uh, I *guess* we haven't been using any contraception or anything..." It had just been so many months of NOT being pregnant that being pregnant took me totally by surprise! So you are not the only person in the world to have that reaction. :-)

My birthstone was supposed to be purple. Instead I got pale blue. I hope your baby's is purple!

[Miss]

Congrats to both of you.

[K]

Such great news and all I can think about is how awesome it must be to have a champagne aisle in wal*mart.... those kinds of things never happen in MD.

[Raven]

What an awesome story!

[Michelle]

Crying for you (with joy). At work. So glad, so glad so glad. And I'd take a teething baby over a two-week-old, so maybe you should threaten that! You will be an AWESOME MOTHER.

[Ashley]

That is beyond exciting and I am SO HAPPY for you!!!!! I know you've been wanting this for a while :) You are going to be a fantastic mom and I cannot wait to hear all about it!

[Katie]

Look at you with the triple digit comments down on that last post! And you're welcome :) Even though I'm just a wee bit disappointed that I won't be drinking champagne with you at BlogHer (because, really didn't we first bond over a mailed bottle of champagne?), that is completely overshadowed by the fact that, oh my god, you're having a baby! So excited for baby belly photos :)

[Christina]

It is so damn wonderful! Two things I have learned, describing your pregnancy will be easy (vomit, ouch, fat, veins, GAHH!), on motherhood and the overwhelming love, nearly imnpossible. Despite that, there are a LOAD of us who cannot wait to read every single word of it.
Congrats again. I am truly so happy for you two.

[merrymishaps]

I probably said the same thing yesterday, but I'm SO happy for you guys!

[Pickles & Dimes]

Man, I can't stop smiling while reading this. I'm so happy for you guys!!!

[Angella]

This is all really too wonderful. So, SO happy for you two.

[moo]

Am psychic genuis. Will take money to predict others' pregnancies as well.

... and yes to the tears and the napping. Just wait until the olympics start ... you will be a HOT MESS.

[Nicole]

Congratulations again! And my birthday is in February and I have always enjoyed having the amethyst as my birthstone. Though have you ever seen green amethyst?....wow-wee!

[She Likes Purple]

Moo: Um, the Olympic trials had me weeping.

[Someone Being Me]

Don't feel bad about the test being anticlimatic. I think it is just such a shock no matter how long you have been trying. I took the test and went in and handed it to my husband and we were both just kind of unsure what to say even though we were excited. Trust me, there will be plenty of excitement when you hear the heartbeat and when you have your first sonogram.

[lissa]

Congratulations! I'm so happy for you! That is awesome.

Since you feel its a boy are you going to name him Logan or Duncan?
Just kidding. Congrats again!

[She Likes Purple]

Someone Being Me: We had our first sonogram about a week ago. Who knew a grain of rice could make you so happy.

[gymbrat]

i'm a faithful reader here- although i never comment- but i HAD to comment on this one cause that is just too AWESOME not to comment on. CONGRATS to you and yours! :) and you do know that if you 'think' you're having a boy- that means you'll have a girl. :) at least, thats what happened to me! and pregnancy naps ARE. THE. BEST. .....but, enjoy it while you can cause the last month or so of pregnancy? SUCKS FOR SLEEP. :) i tossed and turned all night with my purple body pillow and then i'd wake up between 2-3am and eat a bowl of cheerios and watch Law and Order re-runs. EVERY night. and still had to wake up for work in just a few hours. oh- the fun that was!

[Lane]

Holy shit! You're pregnant? I am so very happy for you and Mike. You are the one person that deserved to be pregnant more than anyone else I know. I hope that you enjoy the experience much more than I have so far. One bit of advice, try not to gain 20 pounds in 4 weeks. Those donuts were great at the time but what I would give to have legs right now that didn’t scrape together when I walked is more than I can explain. Anyway, enough about me. You two are going to have the cutest baby in America! I think it is a boy too, I feel it in my blood. Congrats, congrats, congrats! You have no idea how excited I am for you! When's the due date?

[Cheri DeLurker]

HOLY CRAP congratulations!!!!

[Kristie]

I've done the teething thing so....I knew it would happen when you least expected it. ;-)

I couldn't be more happy for you and Michael.

And, I have some maternity stuff you can have. Thankfully it's mostly fashionable. Except the stuff that I wore in the end because toward the end I couldn't care less about fashion.

[Sharon]

Aww, that's so wonderful! I'm grinning here, I'm so happy for you guys. Even though I don't know you, I'm so happy your dreams are coming true. You're going to be the coolest parents ever!

[Jess]

I HAVE TO HAVE A BABY IN FEBRUARY. I never thought of that birthstone thing! It's just another sign of how right this is for you. I'm so happy for you!

[Leah]

CONGRATS! My sister is Lane (Russell) and I have been reading your blog for some time now at her recommendation. I am so happy for you and Mike...my husband and I are expecting our first February 11, 2009! :o)

[EmilyPie]

I KNEW IT. I just knew it! Your blog has been a little odd lately .. and I was just waiting for the day you'd tell us! Awesome. Congratulations!

[ali]

my first pregnancy was exactly like that. i was trying to rule out that i wasn't pregnant and then i looked at it and was all, "i'm pregnant? what?"

i'm SOOOOO happy for you!!!

[Jemima]

Oh my God, that is HILARIOUS. So...confused...and ridiculous. I love it. SEE! I knew it would happen when you least expected it...ie, after you just spent good money on champagne. HAHA!

Have you panicked at all? Because every time we start skirting around the subject, I get all panicky. I wonder if it's a sign that I'm not ready. Or the fact that I think about it all the time is a sign that I AM. God, it's exhausting.

[Jen]

Congrats! So when is the due date? Yay!

[She Likes Purple]

The due date is February 19 (announced in yesterday's post).

[Sarah]

I have had somuch fun reading the comments! So much love here!!And it's all for you and your growing family.
P.s. Do we get belly pics?

[Type (little) a]

JENNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Was that obnoxious enough? Now I wish I were going to BlogHer, so I could give you a hug. And not just any hug, a HIPPIE hug, because you know those are for serious.

Also, and pay no mind because I am never right, I say girl.

[She Likes Purple]

Sarah: Yes, belly pics starting this week, but they'll be very fuzzy and taken from great distances so you don't begin saying, "Eight weeks? But you look at least five months along?"

[Katie]

OH MY GAH!!!!!!! I was literally grinning and tearing up the whole time I read this! And I don't even KNOW you :) I am so unbelievably happy for you guys!!! I can not stinkin wait to read all of your posts throughout this pregnancy! I hate that I can't make words in my comments bold or HUGE so I'm just going to have to use an insane amount of exclamation points!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ann]

Love the story about finding out the wonderful news and the amethyst birthstone just about killed me. I'm dead, The end.

Things are totally falling into place, just when you least expected it, whoops!!! Please don't send a teething baby, I have enough issues with my two and their quest to break their Momma down day by day! :)

[Natalie]

Congrats! Yay, for a Valentine's day baby!

[SAJ]

Yay! You can send me your kid when he's teething. :) I won't mind.

[Cherie]

Hoooray! You linked to my blog. I feel so offical now :) I hope you know how seriously happy I am for you. We need to get together for that joint baby shower ASAP!

[Heather]

Again, I am so happy for you. My birthday is in February and it is an awesome month! I can also say that I am not pregnant and the Olympic Trials have me balling too!

[Ashley]

Oh My Gosh! I am so so happy for you!! Yay!

[Kristabella]

I would have thought it was all a mean trick too. I mean, after trying for so long, I'd imagine you'd need a skywriter saying "YES YOU ARE WITH CHILD" before you'd believe it.

Congrats again! I'm so happy for you guys!

[April]

What fun news! I think our story was pretty similar to yours- just when I had given up I took a positive test. I'll tell you, I was not a happy/pleasant pregnant person to be around but it is so, so, SO worth it. If I would have known that I could just MAKE my most favorite person in the world I would have started trying years ago. Seeing that baby in the morning is like Christmas every day. You are going to have so much fun!!

[Erin]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeiiiiiiiiiii! I'm so excited for you! I was poking around flickr and saw the picture...and did a wait...what??? Because I hadn't gotten to the post yet. Congrats girl! You couldn't be more deserving!

[Amanda Brown]

The HUGEST congratulations to you both! How thrilling and awesome and joyful and long-awaited and fabulous! I am so HAPPY for you!

[ie]

Rock on! Congratulations to the expectant (and apparently, mouth-breathing) parents! I'm so happy this did not have to drag on and on.