...if you're going to BlogHer (or, even if you're not and just happen to run into me next week in Target).
(Oh, and this was totally inspired by Rhi.)
1) I go by Jennie. My name is Jennifer and I sign off as Jennifer—mostly professionally—but it's Jennie. It's always been. Only my father and credit card companies actually call me Jennifer. (I also like Jen.)
2) I trip a lot. If you see me tripping, I'm not drunk. I, sadly, won't be drunk at all next weekend. But I will most likely fall or trip or knock something important over. Hopefully it won't be you.
3) I'll be around 9 weeks pregnant. So, please, no variations of: "But you look at least five months along!" or "Oh, I can already see the bump!" Let's be real here, the bump is fat I can suck in no longer. Reminding me of that (sad) fact will not make me want to give you my drink tickets.
4) Oh, yes! I'll have extra drink tickets! A few of which have already been promised to Heather B. but there should be more, so who wants them?
5) I talk really fast when I get nervous. Stop me if you don't understand a word coming out of my mouth.
6) One of my BlogHer roommates is Mike's ex-girlfriend. It's an odd friendship, WE KNOW, but there you have it. Ask me anything you want about the situation or just read this.
7) I used to stay up until all hours of the night JUST BECAUSE. I had things to write, people to Google, old One Tree Hill episodes to get wrapped up in, but now? Well, sadly, everything I do revolves around the next time I can sleep. I hope to get a burst of energy next weekend and be able to hang with all you non-knocked-up wild children. Please don't judge me or mock me or whisper frantically about me if I stumble out of a cocktail party at 9pm hollering for "MY BED! GET ME MY BED!" I hope this doesn't happen but am I sure it won't? HA! HAAAAA!
8) I have horrible vision. HORRIBLE. I will be wearing my glasses most of the weekend (so hot) but if I don't have them on, and I look like I'm glaring or ignoring or avoiding you, I assure you I'm not. I JUST CAN'T SEE YOU. Unless I am glaring or avoiding or ignoring, and then, well, I'm sure you deserved it. Did you mention the bump? You must have.
9) I DO NOT SMALL TALK WELL. My sorority would be so proud.
10) I sometimes—every now and again when talking fast and failing at small talk—mispronounce simple-to-pronounce words. Such as premise. If this happens, can you maybe not blog about it?
11) When my feet hurt, I just take off my shoes. I don't care how dirty the floors (or streets) are, and you're allowed to judge me for this, but it will not stop me from kicking off my strappy heels and throwing them into my purse and GOING ALONG WITH MY LIFE. I took off my shoes at a concert ages ago and some random concert-goer yelled over, "That's disgusting. Do you know what you're walking on right now?" And I said, "Dirt and cigarette ash and stale beer probably. All of which is easier to wash off then blood." I still believe that.
12) In case you forget to ask, this is what "my blog is about": VERY EFFING LITTLE.
I hope to see you there, really. I hope I'm awake, also.
HEE. SO EXCITED!
Also, I am happy to take any of those drink tickets off your hands :)
Posted by: Rhi | Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 07:15 PM
I am not going to BlogHer, but after reading so much about it I'm thinking I may just go up to the city (I live in Silicon Valley) and just hang out at bars and such hoping for a "surprise" encounter with all of the fabulous ladies I read....
Also, I go barefoot about 90% of the time. And don't get me started on how I loath socks. And I'm feeling you on the don't tell me I'm showing thing. I'm between 7-9 weeks (my dr's so far can't say for sure) and feel like a house. My husband is like, "Oh, that's so cute!" And I just roll my eyes and go, "It's FAT. FAT is SO NOT CUTE."
Posted by: Miranda | Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 07:57 PM
#8 is me. 100%.
Posted by: ali | Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 08:22 PM
OK, I trip ALL the time. This week alone, I've (re)stubbed my toe, banged both shins into a table at the airport so hard it drew blood, someone scraped the skin off my entire pinkie by walking too close to a brick wall, again drawing blood (who does that????), then ran into the doorway leading into our hall and someone chipping off a big piece of wood in the process. I've been so surprised I haven't managed to fall hard on any of my runs (KNOCK ON THE WOOD I CHIPPED OFF THE WALL), and then today I propelled myself forward on my 20-mile run after my toe catching in the grate...but it only smarted for a couple minutes.
Come to think of it, my clumsiness alone would make an excellent post, hrrmmm...
Also, my friends always thought I was such a weirdo every time we'd be walking home from a long night at the bars in NYC and I'd take off my shoes and walk barefoot. IN MANHATTAN. Ah well, I haven't gotten tetanus yet.
Can't wait to see you! Sadly, Amber got another job (boo) and won't be joining us but I'm hitting her up for lunch recs. Will let you know over the weekend!
Posted by: Camels & Chocolate | Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 08:27 PM
grr...my comment got eaten.
#8. is me. 100%
Posted by: ali | Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 08:28 PM
Awww...I am so jealous I can't go to BlogHer and meet you and I totally second the blind as a bat thing. You look skinny from here.
Posted by: Someone Being Me | Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 08:28 PM
HA! Hilarious. I also take off my shoes when my feet hurt -- and I don't even wear high heels! My shoes are off right now at work and I took them off at this fancy pants wedding while on the dance floor- oh well! Oh man, I'm all about talking really fast when nervous and since I also talk too fast when I'm not nervous I mess up normal words ALL THE TIME! Boo. I'm sad I'm not going to Blogher!
Posted by: Sarah Marie | Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 08:29 PM
I hope you have fun!
Two odd/fun facts about me pregnant. Normally I am a horrid clutz, HORRID! Wear lots of flat shoes, and less flip flops. (I only fell one time the entire 38 weeks,though I really made it count- face first into the copy machine at work (see ass over tea kettle)) Second was in my first tri despite my constant sickness if there was a big day or something to look forward too, my excitment would over rule it and I would feel great for that period of time. Afterward, I was back to heaving on my toothbrush.
Posted by: Christina | Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 08:33 PM
So we are going to have to meet by way of very coordinated guide dogs because my eyesite is soooo bad and I am ridiculously klutzy
Posted by: sarah | Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 09:00 PM
Loved this! I might have to steal the idea if you don't mind :) And uh, yeah, I'd love some of those extra drink tickets.
P.S. We get drink tickets? Who knew? I'm so behind!
Posted by: Katie | Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 09:31 PM
I will probably post one of these at some point. And I totally had to laugh because Heather B. was promised my tickets, too! HEE!
Posted by: Loralee | Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 09:32 PM
Wait a minute! I go on vacation and unplug for a few days only to read your big news as a casual bullet point. Congratulations!
Posted by: Mandee | Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 10:12 PM
I am so clumsy too! Half the time I can't even remember where all the bruises come from. I just walk right into walls. A few months ago I got stuck between a public restroom door and the door jamb. At least I knew where that bruise came from.
I blame my mom. :)
9 weeks, so exciting! Enjoy your sleep, you and baby need it! I made some soup tonight, you should have come over and had some. I put all the vegetables I had in the fridge in it. Oh, so healthy!
Posted by: Natalie | Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 10:30 PM
So jealous of all of you going to BlogHer!
I walk around barefoot in odd places too. And I always make sure to wash my feet in the sink b4 I go to bed, which disgusts my hubby.
Posted by: Danielle-lee | Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 11:41 PM
See, it won't be weird when people know how we know each other. And I should totally get your drink tickets. ;-)
Wait till you see my post that's coming about me and BlogHer. I find it hilarious.
Oh, and I might steal this idea, too. :)
Posted by: Kristie | Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 11:47 PM
I vow to do my best not to wake you as I stumble drunkenly into the room late at night! (I probably won't be that drunk but kristen is a bad influence, lol)
I am also blind as a fucking bat and am known to trip as I go searching for my glasses. We can compare how bad our vision is!
I will do one of these on Monday since today is gossip day :)
Posted by: Raven | Friday, July 11, 2008 at 09:09 AM
This is so cute. I want to go and see you there. HMPH.
Posted by: Jess | Friday, July 11, 2008 at 09:19 AM
You know what? My main regret about not going to BlogHer is that I won't get to meet people like you. I hope there will be many, many photos from the event. Have a great weekend!
Posted by: Nicole | Friday, July 11, 2008 at 09:28 AM
You are so, so funny. I wish I was going to Blogher so I could meet you!
Posted by: Pickles & Dimes | Friday, July 11, 2008 at 01:00 PM
Not gonna lie, when Stara told me that one of your BH roommates is Mike's ex-girlfriend, my first response was "The HELL?"
Let's just say that you and Kristie are far more mature than I am.
I can't wait to see you!!
Posted by: Heather B. | Friday, July 11, 2008 at 02:42 PM
I'm not very good at the small talk thing either. Which is why I'll probably spend the majority of BlogHer hiding in a corner. But if you happen to trip in my direction, I'll definitely say hi.
Posted by: whitney | Friday, July 11, 2008 at 03:25 PM
Oh, I talk SO FAST. I am always told to slow down.
Hopefully we can understand each other ;)
Posted by: Angella | Saturday, July 12, 2008 at 10:30 AM
Heather and I agreed on Friday night that I get dibs on your drink tickets. Because she rattled off like 4 other pregnant women she'll know there that have offered her their drink tickets.
I talk fast and WAY TOO MUCH and after I've been drinking I talk REALLY LOUD. Oh, and I will talk to random strangers.
Posted by: Kristabella | Sunday, July 13, 2008 at 06:42 PM