There We Were, Here We Are

In early January of 2005 Mike and I -- along with his sister and her husband -- took a trip to Colorado. The plan, or so I thought, was to ski and snowboard half the time and relax in front of a crackling fire the other half. But Mike (and by no strange coincidence, his family) is a goer. He doesn't stop to enjoy a movie or relax, curled up with a magazine while on vacation. OH NO. He goes. He doesn't feel as if a vacation is really successful unless he's crying out of sheer exhaustion on the plane ride home.

When we first got to Colorado, I assumed we'd grab lunch, unpack, maybe take a quick lap around the hotel, but it wasn't fifteen minutes after we dropped our bags in our room that my feet were jammed into ski boots and I was on a lift. I had never snowboarded before so I was understandably nervous. First, I was nervous about getting off the ski lift as there are signs just everywhere that state, "KEEP MOVING! DON'T STOP! DON'T FALL! YOU'LL PISS OFF EVERY SKIER/SNOWBOARDER ON THIS HERE MOUNTAIN IF YOU FALL!" And, well, I fell. Of course I fell. You should not be shocked that I fell. But you should ooze sympathy that falling off the ski lift was actually one of the better parts of that whole miserable day.

On the top of the run, I couldn't figure out how to move -- how to even inch along -- without falling, usually very quick and very hard. It was painful and frustrating and for the next four (possibly five) hours I formed a horrible pattern of standing up, brushing off some freezing ice, attempting to plunge myself down the mountain and then falling -- ass or knees first -- so hard I sometimes couldn't speak for minutes afterwards due to the ringing and the throbbing and the WANTING TO DIE.

Mike picked up snowboarding far too quickly, if you ask me. He was doing jumps and slicing down 90-degree inclines and he even flipped once or twice just to, you know, SEE IF HE COULD. (And he could, of course he could.) He took to it so naturally and effortlessly, it worked me up even more. Couldn't you fall with me? Why am I the only one in hell right now?

But, and you possibly saw this coming, there was only one way down the mountain. The steep, terrifying mountain. And that was, well, down it. I had to figure out how to make this contraption strapped to my feet work with me. And I just couldn't figure it out. I was in tears because I was just so exhausted. There is little in this world that has ever made me more tired than trying to get down a snowy mountain on a big skateboard without wheels. I sat down and told Mike to go ahead without me. I COULD NOT GO ON. And as I sat there, mulling over my choices of setting up camp right where I was or setting up camp a foot to my right, another woman fell and slid the front of her board straight into my thigh AND IT FUCKING HURT. And with that, I sort of lost my mind. I kind of (ashamedly) began screeching and sobbing and possibly hysterically yelling. I was freezing and in so much pain, and I knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't get down that mountain by myself.

And you know what the giant salt shaker pouring salt into my deep wounds was? Children and the elderly were flying right by me. It's possible they were even whooing.

Mike looked at me, pulled me up and said, "We'll do this together." And he got me down the mountain, even if we slid the last few hundred yards sitting on our snowboards. (We were rightly reprimanded if you're sort of in shock we did that. But, trust me, AT THE TIME IT SEEMED LIKE THE VERY BEST PLAN I HAD EVER HEARD.)

Through it all, Mike was calm and unaffected by the crazy I unleashed on him. I, on the other hand, was incredibly embarrassed by the whole mess.

It was not one of my finer moments (days) and it just so happened that particular day was our first anniversary. We celebrated one solid year of being together by me clenching my teeth, turning to him and saying, "This is the worst day of my life. And I have seen George Bush get elected TWICE."

Although there was not a single moment from that day when I acted like a reasonable human being, Mike did nothing but keep his shit together. I was already in love with him at this point, but that day, OH MY GOODNESS, did I ever love that man as much as a human being could possibly love another. I loved him for not abandoning me, even though I begged him to just leave me there. "GO ON," I yelled. "JUST GO." I loved him for ruining his first day on the slopes by putting up with me and dealing with me and doing it all with a ridiculously good attitude. He knew I was in trouble. And he knew the only way to get me out of trouble was to stay calm. Lord, did I love him for that.

When I think about loving him, I always think of that day first. The day I broke apart and he pieced me back together, lovingly and without complaint.

It was on that day -- of this I'm certain -- when I first realized I wanted to have his child.

And if all keeps going well that child will be here on February 19.

We're pregnant.

(January 2005; Winter Park, Colorado)

Comments

[Abby]

Delurking to say HOLY CRAP!!!

Congrats. I am SO incredibly happy for you and can't wait to read and tag along on your journey!!

[Milana]

OMG!!! So i have to delurk on this entry!! I've been reading for a while now, and i am so so sooo unbelievably happy for you! (And I really hope you aren't slightly freaked out by the first comment being from someone you've never heard of before :) )

[Sabrina]

Oh My God!! Heart in throat! I'm so happy and excited and every other best emotions ever for the both of you. Congratulations!!!!!!!

[Jeanelle]

I'm so beyond thrilled for you, which is strange considering I don't know you at all. Yay! Congratulations!!!

[Elizabeth]

I am just so so so so so happy for you.

Eli's birthday is February 17th. I know when you got busy :)

[sarah marie p]

OMG!!!!! I am so freakin excited for you!!! I don't comment that much but I always look forward to reading your blog when it pops up on my google reader -- and I know how much you want this SO BAD-- you seriously just made me teary-eyed. Congratulations!!!! This is soooo wonderful!!! You and your man are going to be the best parents! Awww!!! This is soo great!!! Yay for you!!!

p.s. I love that you said "This is the worst day of my life. And I have seen George Bush get elected TWICE." ---- The last time W was elected was such a horrible, dark day of me. ACK! Oh man...

[slynnro]

Congrats Congrats Congrats!

[Drew]

Congratulations. So so happy for you and Mike. February is a great month for birthdays, I can guarantee.

[nic]

Yee! you made me cry (of happiness) on a Monday morning :)

Congratulations to both of you. Have been reading for a while so can imagine how much this means to both of you... Good luck for the coming months and joy for the years after!

[Melissa]

Totally brought tears to my eyes. I check your blog every once in a while to see if there is any baby news. Congrats to you both! He/She will have some awesome parents!

[Diana]

Delurking from The Netherlands: I AM SO VERY HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!! I almost cried when I read it. For your info: I will be married one year coming weekend and I am pregnant as well - due February 9th. We will tell everybody on our first anniversary.. Exciting!

[Betsy]

YAY YAY YAY!!!!! Congratulations! Such awesome news. . .

I'll just let you know now that I am getting girl vibes . . . Think pink!

[Skinny Latte]

Congratulations, that is fantastic news.

I have been reading for a while but too chicken to comment up until now, well because I am also pregnant and due on 22nd February.

Look forward to sharing your journey.

[Kate]

I'm de-lurking as well to say CONGRATULATIONS!!! Aww, I totally teared up at the end of the post.

[Kelly]

YAY! Congrats!!!
I know this is something you and Mike have wanted for awhile now - and I'm so happy for you!
Your kidlet is going to have rockin' parents!

[Melissa]

Congrats!! Feb 19 is my birthday.

[Ashley]

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited for you :)

I have a similar story but it was my poor father who had to deal with the crying mess that was me on the side of the mountain. He had to carry my skis while I walked down the side of the mountain after throwing a hissy fit that I was in no way going down on a pair of skis (I would have seriously gone right over the edge). I was mocked by more children than I ever care to be mocked by again.

Such a wonderful story and the best was the ending!! YAY!!

[jodifur]

yeah!!!!!!I totally knew it would happen.

Congrats hon!

No drinking at blogher for you!

[Rachel]

OMG!!! Congratulations! I know that you've been wanting this for so long! That's the most exciting thing ever! I can't wait to hear all the posts leading up til the birth of your child!

[Raven]

OMG!!!! SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!

Even though it means I don't get to drink with you at BlogHer, I'll buy you a virgin cocktail in celebration!

This is SO FANTASTIC!

[moo]

I KNEW IT ... I knew it!! I kept waiting to hear because I felt it in my bones. Little girl, here you come!

Congrats, Jennie ... you must be over the moon.

[Jen]

OH. MY. WORD! The goosebumps that I have after reading this post! I'm SO happy for you guys, Jennie. What a loved baby this will be.

[Ann]

Canadian delurker her to say a huge congratulations to you and your baby daddy!! I have read you for a little while and my heart was breaking for you when you shared your struggles to get preggo. As a mother of two who had her first at almost the same age as you are, I felt that I could feel your need to have that baby and look, all your hard work has paid off! Well done and best of luck over the coming months as you prepare for your eagerly anticipated arrival. I love your writing and will try to comment more, just never thought I had anything cool enough to say! :) Congrats again from this internet stranger!

[K]

Congrats! That is the best news!!

My first snowboarding experience was similar to yours but I didn't cry or get too angry. It was my own idea to try out the snowboard- I was already an avid skiier. It didn't work out for me because I couldn't move more than a foot without falling and I did the sit-on-the-board-and-ride-it-down-the-mountain manuever too. :) Longest.trip.down.the.mountain.ever!!

[Colleen]

Congratulations!! I'm so excited for you and Mike -- your marriage is one to admire.

[Laura]

De-lurking to say congrats! That is so exciting!!

[Roz]

OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD!!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

i'm so so so happy for you!

[britt]

congratulations! what a wonderful story to lead into such wonderful news. i am so freakin happy for you. i know this is what you've been wanting so badly for so long and i'm so glad it's now happening for you. i can't wait to hear all the stories over the next 9ish months.

[Nic]

CONGRATS!!! I'm so happy for you guys. You're going to be a great mom.

[Christina]

And all is right with the world.
Congrats, I am so happy for you! Also, cannot wait to read all about it in the coming months.

[TUWABVB]

Here I was, about to leave you a comment about my horrific experience with my husband on a mountain in Colorado (I broke up with him about 7 times on the way down the mountain),and then I get to the end of your entry and I'm brought to tears -

CONGRATULATIONS!

I'm so happy for both of you - I don't even know you personally but I know that you will both make the best, best parents. And I can't wait to read about your journey because no one could match your ability to make us laugh and cry about a subject.

YEA!

[jonniker]

FINALLY. Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations!

[Pickles & Dimes]

Yay! I am so happy for you guys! Congratulations!!!

SO HAPPY!

[Janssen]

I started reading this entry this morning, but then, halfway through, I looked at the clock and realized I needed to go shower RIGHT NOW so I could be on time to work and I just finished reading it now and oh, did my heart jump into my throat. What a beautiful and exciting announcement. . . it couldn't happen to a nicer couple.

[Jennifer H]

Congratulations! I loved the post even without the pregnancy announcement because I can TOTALLY relate to the horridness of the first day on a snowboard.

I'm so happy for your news.

[Erin]

OMG! I just squealed with delight in my office. I'm pretty sure they're calling the people with the white coats right now! Congratulations!!

[water sign]

Congratulations!!

[Theresa]

You are awesome! Congratulations!

[Kristie]

I teared up some when you told me and now I'm tearng up again! YAY! I'm so darn excited for you both. Molly, too. Of course.

And remember, I'll be your BlogHer non alcoholic partner in crime. We can toast with grape juice and make fun of the drunk people. :)

[linsleyd]

Ok, I am such a lurker but I am quite excited for you! My prayers and thoughts will be with you throughout! Yay!

[a]

ohmygosh congratulations!!! I'm so happy for you. :)

[Christina]

I can't remember if I've delurked here before... but I had to say congratulations!!! I know it's been a long, tough road, and I am so, so happy for you and Mike. I may or may not have sprung a little tear when I read that last line... just sayin' :)

[Nicole]

OH MY GOD! Congratulations!!!! Send us a PO Box and registry information at some point!! I'm so thrilled for you guys. Oh! I can't wait to read along with you on this wonderful new adventure!

[Moose]

CONGRATULATIONS!

[Dianna]

Oh Jennie, I just got the hugest (is that a word?) smile! I am so happy for you and Mike and I can't wait to read of your pregnancy adventure. Congratulations to you all!

[LA]

De-lurking to say CONGRATULATIONS!! I've been reading for a while -- love your writing and LOVE this post. ~LA

[danielle-lee]

OH MY!!!! I am so very excited for you guys!!
Congratulations!!! Kristie and I were just talking about this on Saturday, and my entire body is covered in goosebumps right now. God is good!!

[Robert Mass]

Congratulations!!! I actually went back and read this post twice because, seriously, this was probably the best way I have ever received this type of news from anyone.

It's a good thing I have the day off today, because HR might have frowned upon my "holy shit!" exclamation.

[Heather B.]

This has turned into a fucking fantastic day. Congrats, my dear.

[Katie]

Thrilled, thrilled, THRILLED for you and Mike! We'll have a toast at BlogHer :)