Content

I fell out of love with Texas this summer. I know what you're thinking: What took you so damn long? But, there you have it, it only took 15 years. I can't pinpoint the precise moment—Was it during rush hour traffic on one of Dallas' 80 craptastic highways, all of which need to be repaved? Or was it on that lovely Sunday in early August when the temperature reached 110? Or, more likely, was it the week-long trip I took to San Francisco that reminded me some cities have an actual personality?—but I do know that over the past few months I've looked longingly to other states/countries. (It doesn't help that I regularly read blogs written by women who get to live in some of the most gorgeous places this continent has to offer.)

I look out my office windows and wish I could close my eyes and reopen them somewhere else. It's all too hot, too crowded, too conservative, too spread out here. THERE ARE NO H&MS HERE.

I never thought I would still be here, to be honest. Things just work out in ways we have no ability to predict. One minute I think I'm going to travel around Spain and then possibly settle in some new, exciting, never-been-to-before city and the next minute I've gone and fallen in love with some unexpected guy, and I decide making a home with him—in a cardboard box, a shack, a suburb in Texas, anywhere—is the coolest dream come true I could ever dream up. In reality, many things have kept us here: jobs we love, family we adore, cost of living we can stomach, friends, cheap beer, etc. All very good reasons to live somewhere, yes, but this summer the lure of a sparkling, crisp coast or rolling green hills or charming, colorful homes that aren't thrown up by the hundred, all one mirror image of the other, would not leave me alone.

I think I started believing what you (meaning, the average American) likely believe to be true about Texas. That it's a flat, ugly, hot red state that goes on for days. I probably started believing this because I haven't technically stopped sweating since May. And I haven't been able to drink summer cocktails since May, as well. (I'm sorry, but it shouldn't be LEGAL to suffer through a Texas summer without alcohol to blur the pain.)

Thankfully, something happened the other night on my way home from work. Every radio station was playing crappy songs, and I was hitting a string of red lights, so I reached in the back and pulled out a CD I hadn't listened to in years. A CD I first got the summer before my senior year of high school. A CD that skips and lurches forward in a few places because of how often I used to listen to it. A CD that will mean nothing—really, nothing—to so many of you, so I won't even bother to name it. If I name it, you'll furrow your eyebrows, possibly Google and then furrow them some more, and so I'll just say it's a CD by a Texas country artist, a particular genre of country music that so completely kicks the ass of mainstream country music that it is the kind of music—hands down—that made me first fall in love with this place when I was just 17.

After listening through the CD, I was catapulted back to being 17 again, back to when I was faced with the Very Big Decision of where I should go for college. I narrowed down my choices to three schools—all very different and all very spread apart. My mom and dad took me to tour each campus (one in Santa Cruz, Calif., one in Athens, Ga and one in College Station, Texas). I loved them all. I could see myself at each place. I wanted to buy sweatshirts and bumper stickers at each campus bookstore, but I had to pick one. I chose the last one, Texas A&M, a Texas state school nestled, really, in the middle of nowhere. Looking back, it's such an odd choice for me. It's a very conservative school known for an engineering program I never considered with more than one town's share of pick-up trucks chugging around.

But, lord, I fell in love with that place. Although I grew up in San Francisco and lived in another suburb of Texas for all of middle and high school, College Station became my home. It's so hard to put into words how I feel about that place, how many memories are brought back with the listen of one simple country song. Memories of cheap, cold beer downed in cheap, dusty bars where small-time musicians would play just feet away, strumming on cheap guitars, singing about the big state we all had in common. I'm sure most of you haven't been to College Station, but if you haven't, you won't get it. It's how all loves are, impossible to understand unless you've been in the thick of them. The people—although mostly conservative, yes—are friendly and down-to-earth and they smile at you when you walk by, whether they know you or not. The campus is beautiful, full of shady trees and squirrels. The bars and restaurants welcome anyone, anytime. The school has a heartbeat, and that sounds so cheesy, I'm nauseating myself, but every student would nod if they read that. They would whole-heartedly agree.

I know Mike's reasons for going to A&M—we talked about them in the really early days when everything was unknown and new. He was (is) four years older, but we came down and started school the same semester. We lived very separate lives until things intersected and collided the last semester of my senior year (although we both went on to stay in College Station and at school for another year). Mike and I are so different. He likes classic rock and the Discovery channel, and I watch The Hills and let One Tree Hill tell me which song I'm going to listen to on repeat. He is calm, easy, simple, and I am nervous and anxious. He never worries. I always do. His laugh is beautiful, mine is awkward. But, Mike and I have something very real and very important in common. We both fell in love with College Station, we both left it hesitantly and sadly when it was, undoubtedly, time to go. We waved goodbye to it all—the back roads and greasy cheeseburgers and game days and two-steppin' and the sea of maroon everywhere you look.

We're not leaving Texas anytime soon. We have, again, many, many reasons to stay. We are happy here. But, in a few weeks, thank goodness, Mike and I will drive three hours and we'll go home. We'll go to an Aggie game and we'll eat greasy food and drink cold, cheap beer (he'll have one for me).

We'll be reminded why we love Texas, why all the stereotypes in the world don't touch what is really beautiful about this state. It's easy to be lured by the beauty of a place known only through pictures. It's easy to feel restless and want to pick up and move somewhere, anywhere but here. It's hard to remember that home doesn't necessarily mean beautiful scenery and year-round fantastic weather. Sometimes home is where you found yourself, where you found him. Sometimes, as totally cheesy as it sounds, home is wherever the love is.

Such an awful picture, but here we are at an Aggie game a few years back. All sweaty and insanely happy.

Comments

[rebecca]

That is sweet. I can understand that, because Alaska has some of that for me...though this isn't where we will raise our family, this will always be where i fell in love with Jason and Violet and myself.
Funny, though...i came across a mix cd from 5 years ago yesterday and was completley taken back to listening to Joy Division in my tiny apartment with no TV or Couch.

[Jess]

Home is definitely about more than physical location. I know we're not going to be in our current apartment forever, and possibly not for much longer at all, and even though I don't love it per se? It will be strange to leave because it is infused with such meaning because of all the things that have happened there.

[Camels & Chocolate]

But Austin is so amazing! How can you not love that city?

[She Likes Purple]

Camels & Chocolate: Austin is fantastic. I do love it. I've never lived there but visit often enough. I'd actually prefer living there over living in D/FW.

[Christina]

That was awesome to read. It reminded me of Mike and I, we met Junior year of undergrad but your words took me to NC where we moved and lived for 6 years of grad school. Where we were engaged and where we came home from our honeymoon too, where we got started, really. I hated living in the South, but I loved Chapel Hill! It holds so many memories, I would love to go back for a football game, feel the heat of the sun in October, scream the fight song, times were good! Have fun, bring tums ;)

[Someone Being Me]

I was getting a little concerned reading the beginning of your post wondering where you were going with it. But I loved the ending. College Station became more home to me than home my freshman year. It's crazy how that works. There is nothing quite like an Aggie football game played at Kyle field.

[Kristie]

I didn't spend nearly as much time in College Station or Bryan as you guys did, but it's a neat place. One with some fun memories. The way you love CS is the way I love St. Louis. It's my real home even though it's not my home home. If that makes sense.

[Sara]

Was it Pat Green, because that's what 19 is to me. Being out on my own, in college (SFASU- Nacogdoches, baby!), and finding my way. That included lots of concerts and road trips for river floats and memories I'll never be able to remember, nor forget.

I love this state, too- no matter how much I claim to hate it. Though sometimes it would be nice to move Dallas and Austin just a little bit closer together.

[nonsoccermom]

Yes, College Station indeed has that effect on people. So much so that after graduating and moving away, my husband and I decided we wanted to raise our kids here. So now it doesn't give me that feeling of nostalgia, but it is, most certainly, HOME.

[Elizabeth]

I love that picture. You look so blissful.

I think it's really amazing that you feel so strongly about a place. I seem to only ever get that AFTER I leave.

And we are getting our first H and M in Sacramento this month! Woo hoo!

[Ashley]

Jennie - Although I've never commented, I've been reading your blog for about two months and I LOVE IT! Your life sounds very similar to mine (minus the pregnant part) and today's post summed up my life entirely. My husband and I met in College Station, fell in love with each other and the city and school there too. In fact, we're going back this weekend for the game. I can't wait to see"-- the back roads and greasy cheeseburgers and game days and two-steppin' and the sea of maroon everywhere you look." God bless College Station! Thank you for such an excellent post!

[Kate]

I'm not an Aggie, though I fully subscribe to the "enemy of my enemy is my friend -- until we meet in Big XII play" philosophy, but having visited College Station for a few game weekends, I understand. (And feel the same way about Norman, no less; considering how damned and determined I was to get out of that town when I was a senior in high school, it surprises me every day how much I miss it.)

I fell for the lure of living in a "vacation paradise," and I like a lot of things about Florida, but I don't love it. At all. There is no Taco Bueno, no last minute ditching work and driving to Gruene for a Reckless Kelly show, no heart and no soul to this state, and especially not to Orlando. Our next move will probably be to DFW which isn't my first choice (from one land of strip malls to another! Woo!), but at least it's closer.

[Cherie]

First, I like that picture!
Second, I am insanely jealous that you are going to a game! This is the first year since we graduated that I won't go back to Kyle Field. Incredibly sad! But next year we'll be bringing the boys in their little 12th man jerseys so I think that KINDA makes up for it, but then I remember chuggers of Coors light and Tijuana fries from the Chicken and think those little shits are going to OWE me big time!

[Emily]

OK, so I can't help it. I'm DYING to know the musician, being a big fan of some random, folksy, country artists myself. You can email me. :)

And I get how you feel about College Station - it's exactly how I feel about Auburn. There's nothing like it.

[K]

I can totally understand where you are coming from here. I have never been to College Station but I visited Houston last summer for my cousin's wedding. He and his wife both went to A&M and a lot of the people at the wedding were also alumni. It is definitely a unique school so I'm sure the city it's in is unique as well. I completely understand about the heartbeat. :) Have fun at the game!

[Robert Mass]

I'm pretty sure it was Pat Green, wasn't it?

I love your posts about College Station because they make me nostalgic. However, I hate your posts about College Station because they make me nostalgic. :-) College was so much more fun than real life.

As if I wasn't excited enough about October 18. Thanks for that!

[Angella]

I really need to get my butt to Texas.

[listen2urhusband]

I have lived in College Station and don’t remember it that great. I think you just need to get the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks out of Dallas/Ft Worth!!!! However, I do remember feeling the same way about College Station as you feel about Dallas. I remember moving to Austin, TX and falling in love with it right away. I know that in Aggieland they beat into your head that everything evil comes from Austin. But when I think about the interesting people and places in Austin, I have no doubt that you would love the city. Austin just screams JENNIE!!!!

However, there is this city I know that is about 45 miles south of Austin that is the kind of city you might want to check out some time. This city has awesome parks and rivers. Nice lakes. Cheap beer, a huge water park, at which, if you are lucky, you might see someone naked(HA!!!), excellent schools, cool little hole in the wall restaurants and the people are down to earth. The Hill Country surrounding this town is spectacular and housing is affordable. You might want to check it out sometime, you might just want to move there some day and raise a bunch of kids.