Honestly, I'd Rather Prefer to Register at Anthropologie

Well, some of my readers have very strong opinions against diaper genies and very little to say about adorable giraffe costumes. I'm frankly scared of that diaper contraption now, and I've almost convinced myself my child will come out of the womb potty trained. (COULD HAPPEN. YES HUH.)

Don't get me wrong, your advice was much appreciated and incredibly helpful. I've made some serious mental notes about avoiding this, buying that in bulk, drinking a lot of alcohol in between, etc. But, I always know it's inching into OVERWHELMING (!) territory when my sister e-mails me to make sure I'm OK after she reads a particular comment. My sister loves me, and is good to me, and she analyzes every word that's posted in order to make sure she's not needed to step in with some sisterly protection.

Your advice was the kind of stuff I wanted to know, though, so thank you. Although I'll never tell you if I actually buy a diaper genie.

I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately because something happens when you get pregnant, and I can't quite explain it. I think some kind of sign lights up on one's forehead that says something along the lines of, "IMPART YOUR WISDOM. I KNOW NOTHING." It's tough because on the one hand, it's true, at least to some degree. I know very little about being pregnant and raising a child. On the other hand, I am an educated adult with instincts and with the ability to both ask questions and Google and being bombarded by advice (even asked-for advice!) can make me feel, for lack of a better word, stupid.

I dealt with this a little (to some extent) when we were trying to get pregnant. I heard a lot of well-intentioned advice that drove me to drink. Advice like: Have more sex! or Maybe you should think about talking to your doctor (insert back pat). No one was trying to make me feel stupid, I rationally knew this, but I did have to fight the urge to scream, SEX IS NOT THE PROBLEM HERE, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TRUST ME OR FORCE ME TO GIVE YOU DETAILS YOU DO NOT WANT. AND THAT TRAUMA WILL BE YOUR OWN FAULT.

The good in life and on this site far (FAR) outweighs the bad, so I don't limit what I talk about. I ask for advice or bring up a subject that could stir opinions because the comments are worth it. When we were trying to get pregnant, someone suggested something that actually helped me identify a problem I needed to identify. That's the kind of invaluable help that keeps me coming back here. With this woman's help we are now going to have a baby. That's cool, right?

But opinions about babies (and parenting and families and, yes, even baby products) are more intense than the average set of opinions, I've come to find. I'm adjusting, and I now will never walk into an innocent conversation about baby blankets without armoring myself a little bit.

The surprises about pregnancy/impending parenthood are non-stop. There is nothing that could have prepared me for the last 16 weeks, no words offered in the form of advice or suggestions or tips or just friendly conversation that could have captured exactly what it would be like for me on this journey. (Although the words SWEET TOOTH would have been at least slightly on par.) Regardless of anything, I'm so glad I'm not going through it alone, and that I have all of you. Even if you scare me sometimes. There, I said it.

I just hope you'll overlook the fact that I'm totally registering for cute clothes whether or not I should. Lots of them, even. I'm sorry but you try holding that registry gun in front of a tiny pair of overalls and see what happens. I TOTALLY DARE YOU. (Fine, fine. I'll register for all sizes.)

And since Molly didn't get nearly as many comments on that last post as diaper genies did, I think I should end this by saying she is (officially) going to be a Dalmatian for Halloween.

Molly, what do you think about that?:

She's thrilled. Obviously.

Comments

[Christina]

I KNOW! Woman are krazee about the baby products. I sort of get it, I do have some things I am passionate about but to each their own.
I dont own a diaper pail.;)
Jen, I dont know, dressing a dog up as A DOG? Really? Im sure she will rock her spots, I just hope she can put her ears up. She looks scared.

[rebecca]

i LOVE the Dalmation idea. props to Mike on that one. But you have to call her Perdie. (BTW, the giraffe was adorable. Vi was a purple dragon her first year. enjoy shoving them into your choice as LONG as POSSIBLE. Because, my lord, she in only 2 and yet expresses very strong opinions on her HEART TIGHTS NOT THE FLOWERS, THE HEARTS this morning.)
As far as the Crazy Advise. Darling, it will never stop. Jason tells me something: we are her parents, and our instincts will guide us. Therefore, NO ONE knows more about parenting our girl than we do. So they can all Kiss Our Butts.
Of course, I smile and nod when they are giving it...but i think Kiss My Butt. :)

[Raven]

OMG! I have the cutest presents picked out for you! Like crazy adorably cute and OMG I am spending so much hypothetical money. I am the best BlogHer Auntie EVER!

Registry, what?

[Angela]

I LOVE the dalmation idea! And in case you feel the black marker isn't classy enough for her you could always cut out some black felt spots and glue them on the shirt. You will post pics right?

And on the registry, don't sweat it. Heck we registered for BOOKS even! It IS fun, so enjoy it.

Oh, and one of our most fun shopping trips was a trip to a consignment shop. We could afford to just go crazy there and buy a bunch of cute baby clothes without feeling guilty. Cause if he never wore them or they turned out to be for the wrong gender, so what! They were super cheap and cute!

[ElizabethSheryl]

*giggles*
Ok, your pain is not funny but I have this saying..calling FemiMoms..similar to FemiNazis, and I like to think of that whenever the "advice" bashing happens. It's funny to think of soccer moms marching with little black mustaches on. Only funny to me? Moving on...

I have been around little ones since I was basically one myself. When I was 10, one aunt had twins and the next month the other one had a baby, followed by 2 other kids. I also was THE babysitter around my parts. I don't have kids yet, but know lots of pregnant women and new moms, so I've been on the lurking end of many "if you do this you are terrible and should die" posts. I think it's silly. Each baby, just like each person, is different..and I think it is more important to do what you think will make you the best and less stressed mom you can be. So the only advice I'll give is to not let the femimoms get to you. They mean well, and they are passionate about co-sleeping/breastfeeding/cloth diapering/to baby einstein or not to einstein and while all of those things are great..they aren't going to work with everyone, and don't feel bad if it doesn't work for you.

Also, GIRAFFE COSTUME OMG. This officially goes on my ever-growing list of things I will do to my child and take massive amounts of pictures of. btw, not pregnant and wont be for at least 18 months. heh.

[K]

Awww- Molly as a dalmation- She'll be so adorable!
My bf and I were having a casual conversation about getting another dog (not until we live together/have a bigger place) and I mentioned the Vizsla to him. We googled it so he could see pictures. They are so cute!! Maybe eventually... ;) Delilah needs a tall dog in her life.

[Jess]

I'm a little alarmed about what it will be like to be pregnant for this reason. I get so frustrated when people tell me things I already knew. I want to correct them and TELL them I already knew, but more often than not it doesn't matter. But it still rankles that they thought I didn't know. I imagine pregnancy will involve quite a lot of that.

[Kristie]

The great thing about having babies? You get to try lots of different stuff and then impart your own wisdom on the women who haven't yet had kids. It all comes full circle.

[Jen]

I am right there with you in this boat. My husband told some of his coworkers about my pregnancy (just 2 weeks behind you!) today, and even they are bombarding him with assvice and he feels compelled to pass it on to me. One was even telling him about this "great store that we just need to go to." It was Babies R Us. Um, I think I know about Babies R Us, for the love of pete.

I say register for whatever the heck you want. Ask people you really trust for advice, and master the Nod And Smile for everyone else.

[EmilyPie]

and now i am curious about the freaking diaper genie. and i don't even like kids.

hooray for dalmatian idea! i giggled a bit when I first read about it. I'm glad that is the winner.

[Trigger]

I'm starting to think that in my past life I was a sociologist, because this about the third time I've said this. But here goes. If I were a sociology grad student, I would seriously consider writing my dissertation on the way society reacts to a pregnant woman.

I do clinical research in obstetrics, so I'm around lots of either trying to get pregnant women, or already pregnant women, and it's AMAZING the difference in how people treat them...maybe you've noticed this, but it's like they become communal property. The word "property" is a bit harsh/extreme, but you might see what I'm getting at. Everyone has advice (sometimes, err often, unsolicited) everyone gets all judgey about your birth plan decisions, everyone wants to touch your belly or ask you very personal questions that they wouldn't ask you otherwise, and then when you're post-partum, hooo boy! Watch out. Not only will all those questions (really personal!) continue, but also the judgey behavior towards your labor and delivery, and then they'll want to touch your baby all the time...it's really amazing the lack of boundaries that ocurrs.

That said, there are a few ways I've seen people handle it - some are COMPLETELY okay with people being all up in their biznass, and in fact they love the attention and many people really are well-intending, so that's good for a lot of folks; some are really clear and good about boundaries ("We're choosing to keep our birth experience private, I hope you don't mind" or "I'd prefer if you didn't rub my belly, I'm very sensitive right now); and some get bat-shit weird and crazy about it.

Sorry for the rant. It's just, when I read "I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately because something happens when you get pregnant, and I can't quite explain it. I think some kind of sign lights up on one's forehead that says something along the lines of, 'IMPART YOUR WISDOM. I KNOW NOTHING.'" - well, I just see that happening every day, and I am amazed by it sometimes!

[jodifur]

I think, I'm not entirely sure, but I think that useful person was me? Let me know if I'm wrong.

[Nicole]

While I know it hasn't been easy for them, it is amazing to watch the grace and the calm that my sisters have shown as they begin raising their little girls. They said they didn't feel adequate/ready to have them, even though they wanted them. You'll be amazed I think at what you will just know.

[Dianna]

A comment for Molly! You're gorgeous! You'll look stunning in spots!

Oh and hey, you'll know what you want to register for. It's your kid, you'll have a feeling.

[Kristabella]

The best thing your baby will have will be a shut your meat face bacon shirt. :)

[Danielle-lee]

Molly does indeed look thrilled. About as thrilled as my dogs looked when I told them they were going to be Siemese kitties for Halloween.