Looking for hindsight

It took us just about a year to get pregnant, and it would have taken us much longer, I'm convinced, if I hadn't found a very proactive, incredible doctor. From the time we saw the second line, I had about two weeks of feeling incredible and on top of the world before I became so sick I lost eleven pounds in a matter of days, not weeks. I was put on a very expensive prescription of Zofran for eight months of my pregnancy. It wasn't until the last month when I stopped needing it twice a day. And that last month -- when I was off Zofran -- I became so sick due to acid reflux I began regularly throwing up again. So, no, my pregnancy wasn't easy and because of this I sort of (stupidly) assumed that once Kyle was here, everything would be good, everything would be better. I didn't expect to sleep much or to shrink down to my goal weight overnight and I knew breastfeeding and sleep training and scheduling would all be hard, but I figured after everything we had been put through, he would be the smiley, lovely baby of our dreams. And ... well ... he's not. Of course we wouldn't trade him for the world and he is absolutely a dream come true but he's also a baby with something wrong with him and we're desperately trying to pinpoint just what that is because most hours of the day he seems to be in a pretty serious amount of pain. You can see the pain written on his face.

Our first thought was colic but the screaming bouts seemed too sporadic. I took him back to the pediatrician last week and she listened intently while I listed his symptoms through sobs. She concluded reflux. I was relieved to be Told Something and Given Something but I didn't think it added up. After hours (and hours and hours) of researching and asking questions and just going with my gut, we've decided this is a gas issue. A pretty severe one too. He seems uncomfortable most of the time and his little legs are always going a mile a minute while his cute little hands are constantly clenched in fists. He almost always calms down after he passes gas and when we put pressure on his stomach in any way, you can almost hear him sigh with relief.

(Hey, it took just about six weeks before I brought up baby farts!)

So, new plan of action: ridding my diet of dairy, trying a new formula when we need to supplement, trying gripe water, too. Also: praying and drinking like hell.

(If you have any experience with this, please share it. This is one time I'd like the advice as long as that advice doesn't turn judgmental or preachy.)

I hate that my poor, adorable little guy spends much of his days with me, screaming or uncomfortably furrowing his brow or scrunching up his face while he kicks repeatedly and tries to work things out. (Although I do like to sing "Work it Out" while he does this; who doesn't like background music?) I hate that most of my memories from this time are of me worrying or obsessively Googling or feeling anxious or just plain exhausted. I hate that I avoid going places because I don't want to risk Kyle screaming through lunch or a dinner party or an aisle of Target. And I really, really hate that I feel so sorry for our situation when I stumble upon other situations that are far worse than ours. We are still unbelievably lucky. I have a great support system, a great husband, a house, a warm bed and warm food. No matter how often I find myself crying, I know we're lucky and I cling to that.

Something else I cling to is that this hard, difficult, gray phase of exhausting newbornness won't last forever and soon he will be smiling and happy and past this uncomfortable, crying stage. I'm smart enough to rationally know that nothing lasts forever, that every phase has a beginning and an end and we're already well on our way to the next one. But, let's be honest: at 4 a.m. when my son is painfully crying and nothing -- not even his mother -- can comfort him, it's hard to focus on the rational truth of time passing. In those dark moments it feels like this is our new reality and that it'll never pass. I pour myself a glass of wine and try to take very deep breaths while repeating to myself, "We're OK."

There are many times I simply don't feel OK, though.

I have avoided putting this all out there because more than anything else I don't want to peg Kyle as a difficult baby. I have a very instinctual need to protect him, even from the pitying glances of well-intentioned people. A part of me wants to gloss over all this and only cry behind closed doors so no one will talk at dinner about how they're just so relieved their kid isn't like our kid. I always feel like shouting, "But he's beautiful and soft and perfect! You'd be lucky to have him! We're so lucky to have him!" I also thought I'd be better at this, better equipped to handle the stress and the exhaustion. Bottom line: I thought I'd be stronger and it's very hard to admit to anyone, let alone quite a few people, that I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

For whatever reason, though, it's not in my nature to gloss things over, so here I am, opening my book for you to read my story. As I read today on another blog post: "Documenting the moments because they were beautiful and to be savored, every last painful or delightful morsel of each." This is our story, and I want to tell it and that means every last exquisite and excruciating moment.

I don't have a red bow to tie this post up with. We have good days and we have bad. We know we'll get through it, together, but we just don't know when or even how. I do have faith, thank god. Faith that we'll be fine, that we'll some day forget how hard these first weeks have been and we'll even consider doing it again one day. I have faith my son will reach for me one day and I'll be all it takes to sooth and comfort him. I have faith we'll figure this out but it's so much easier to see clearly on the other side of things, isn't it?

So I find myself holding my son in my arms, bouncing up and down to calm his cries and whispering in his ear about the view we'll one day see from the other side.

 

(Still insanely well-dressed, fussy or not.)

Comments

[bethany actually]

1.

I have friends whose babies went through something similar to what you describe, and the mom going off cow's milk and/or eggs helped! My cousin's youngest actually didn't get better till the mom went off all dairy AND soy--it was some kind of protein intolerance that lasted till she was about 1, she's 4 now and can eat anything--but that did help immensely, so you might want to keep that in mind if the dairy-free diet doesn't help at first.

I'm sorry your little guy is in pain. I hope he's all better soon.

[Kim]

2.

Well, ours just turned 1, and I can tell you that I VIVIDLY remember those awful first few weeks (and months!). And dinner parties?!? HA- you're far more ambitious than we EVER were. Even to this day.
I can promise you that time will fly. I promise that the days of him reaching up to you are SO around the corner. It doesn't seem like it, but it's true.
For the gas, we had similar issues. We were basically burping him 24 hours a day. Holding his legs up to his chest help get the gas out, too. We supplemented with bottles (heaven forbid) and it helped too.. after we found the right ones (Dr Browns are perfection). When we did use formula, it was Gentlease. He was on that until he was 7 mts old. It's so hard, I remember well. Hang in there!

[Becky]

3.

I hope this doesn't gross you out, but what color is his poop? We had similar symptoms accompied by green poop. The peaditrician had no idea what was going on, but I also went to see the lactation consultant on the same day (at 6 weeks). I had an oversupply problem. Basically my little guy was getting all the sugary milk and not enough protein and it was giving him really bad gas and horrible stomach aches. We immediatly went to block nursing, and the problem resolved in about a week. If you have the normal mustard yellow poop that this might not be your problem. I will be praying for your little one. (And I LOVE your blog!)

[Beth Fish]

4.

First, Mia had that outfit in red when she was a toddler, and I cried real tears when she outgrew it.

Second, Mia was an extraordinarily difficult baby, reflux and colic, and I never left the house with her for months. And sure, I remember how hard that was, but I also remember it as lovely and sweet and somehow focus on the part where I held her all day and all night and forget the part where I did that because it was the only way she would occasionally stop screaming.

You'll get through it, and you'll have all the puffy heart newborn memories, even if you have to unconsciously edit history to have them.

[Annika]

5.

I don't have kids yet but a lot of friends who recently became mothers. It is so important to take care of what you are eating while you are breast feeding because it directly affects your child.
Do you eat onions, garlic or cabbage? Stuff that, well, usually supports gas production...
Same with citrus fruits - if Kyle tends to have rashes or sore skin it could be because you are eating oranges and stuff.

[jodifur]

6.

I'm not a lover of assvice but you asked and Michael had gas issues and here is what worked for us. Mylicon drops in every bottle. Your nursing, so maybe before and after a feeding? And bicycling his legs after eating. It helps move the air bubbles out.

Feel free to email me if you want to talk more.

Kyle is not a difficult baby and you are doing a great job mom!

[heidi]

7.

One of my four had similar symptoms. Good news? He outgrew it around 8 months. Until then I was severely sleep deprived and filled with guilt because I couldn't make it better. I recommend what we called baby exercises. Lay him on his back and push those chubby thighs to his chest. Then pull them straight. You can also do one knee to the opposite shoulder and then reverse. I wish I had more advise but we never did figure out the underlying issues. The best news? He's 12 now and other than being highly annoying, he's fabulous.

[Jen]

8.

When Noah was born I tried breast feeding but after five weeks of exactly what you are having now with Kyle, I couldn't do it any longer. I took him to the dr and discussed formula and within three days I had a new baby on my hands. Happy, go-lucky. Just a new little person. As hard as it was for me to give up that bond, it was worth him not being in pain. I tried changing up my diet, didn't drink anything but water (no diet coke! no wine! no oj! no milk! argh!!!!) but it really didn't make anything better.
If I ever have another child, my husband and I have discussed going straight with formula which I know a lot of people would frown on me for doing but we know what we have dealt with when Noah arrived and I am not looking for a round 2 of that ever!!!!!!
BTW, cute, cute pics and love the clothing. We have to dress our little men dressed great so they grow up to be big men dressed great!!!!

[girlrunningaround]

9.

Stay strong and keep your faith. Thanks for sharing with us.

[Emma]

10.

This time is so damn tough. I wasn't even sure I would survive it with either kid.

My second had reflux - a regular vomiter everywhere. He didn't have any of the other symptoms that Kyle has. Maybe a little discomfort and then he's do a giant spit up and all would be fine. No extra crankiness or poo issues. So your idea that it's not reflux is probably right! Go with your gut (heh. your gut. funny).

[Hillary]

11.

The Boy was formula-fed, but had similar issues. Gentlease formula (Enfamil) helped. Mylicon drops helped a little -- maybe not so much for The Boy, but for us, making us feel like we were doing something. We also had prescription gas drops that seemed to do pretty much the same thing, only a little better. Bicycling his legs, yes. Vibrating bouncy seat, yes. Oh, and you know those heat/cold packs that look like big tube socks? You can put them in the freezer or microwave? We got one of those and every night warmed it up about 30 seconds in the microwave and then laid it across his belly, usually wrapped in a blanket b/c I was paranoid about burns. The pressure and heat seemed to help the sleeping.

I didn't want to say The Boy had colic because that would label him a BAD BABY (and he wasn't) and also because it seemed so dire. No one really knows what it is and all that seems to help is time and how would we all ever last until he was 12 FRICKING WEEKS OLD?! We lasted. At 13 weeks it got better. He had colic and it was gone.

Chin up.

[Cassie]

12.

First, he's so adorable. Second, you ARE as strong as you thought you were. It's just that the newborn stage kicks your ass, especially when you have a baby with a few gas issues.

I had a baby with those issues, too -- maybe not quite as much as Kyle, though -- and I'm sure you've already tried this, but we used Mylicon drops in every bottle. That really did seem to make him feel more comfortable.

You're doing a great job!

[cait]

13.

i am not a mother--so i don't have any advice. But I wanted to let you know that you are a good mother- and a great writer. Being willing to be open and honest is a trait that your son will one day learn from you--hang in there. i'm hoping for a lot of "good days" for you!

[Amy]

14.

I found the vacuum to be my best friend when I could not comfort Logan. I would turn it on and both of us would just lay on the couch. For some reason, that is the only thing I could find to soothe him. Talk about a slap in the face for me. I felt awful that I could not soothe. Four months later the doc finally diagnosed reflux for us and he is a completely different baby! Hang in there though. I completely relate to you!

[Erin]

15.

Yep, Mylicon drops worked for my little tooter. However, you probably have already tried this. One thing our doc recommended (and I'm sure yours has recommended this too, if she thinks it's reflux) is to keep him upright for as long as possible after a feeding. That might help with gas, too. And this is absolutely a pure conjecture (the research study is still in progress) but once your little guy can support his own head, I recommend a bumbo seat. Every time we put my boy in that thing, he filled his diaper. Every time. Maybe the position? (Upright, legs slightly raised toward the tummy). Best of luck! And hey--don't be afraid to talk to your doctor about your own feelings. Motherhood wreaks havoc on your mind and body, even though it's also awesome.

[Moose]

16.

As I have no experience of this myself, I don't know what to say - except to refer you to a friend of mine whose baby just turned a year old. She guarantees (GUARANTEES! Yes, I got it in writing) that it gets better.

[Someone Being Me]

17.

I second or third the comment on gas drops in his bottle whenever he gets one. Not sure what the instructions are for breastfeeding babies but worth looking into. We used them for Bear. Either way, it will pass just like you said and someday you will barely remember these first tough weeks. Hang in there.

[Amie]

18.

That's such a rough situation to be in, poor baby hurting like crazy, and not being able to do anything.

I had similar issues with my first baby, first because I was breastfeeding and my milk supply wasn't enough for her, and then because she was slightly lactose intolerant. I ended up using a soy-based formula, and she immediately stopped being so miserable all the time. It's different for every baby, though. It took some experimenting(based on suggestions from her doctor) before we finally got it right.

Kyle is absolutely adorable, and don't worry. It WILL get better!

[Raven]

19.

The only advice I have is Mylicon, it was a life saver with Sprog and for my sister with her little one.

I hope trying the diet changes and the different formula helps!

[maggie]

20.

We turn the stove fan on full blast when we can't get the baby to calm down, but I'm guessing that doesn't do much for gas.

This part sucks. But I think you're right to document it, because later, when it DOES pass (and it will!) reading it will be so empowering.

[just me]

21.

I'll be one against the Mylicon drops. IMO they didn't help that much and they were pretty darn expensive.

Here's what we did with my VERY colicy/refluxy daughter. A) buy a miracle blanket. He most likely will hate it the first few times and then he will love it. B) get a stability ball. Yep that's right one of those big huge balls. When he starts screaming swaddle him up nice and good (which is why the miracle blanket is awesome!) turn up the radio to drown out the crying and go to bouncing on the ball. It also helps if you put your mouth ON his ear and SSSSHHHH. Do it as loud as he's crying (it's also a great stress reliever) and as he quites down you can to. Keep shhhhiing.

Now here's the trick. I'm sure you've noticed you can get him to sleep only as soon as you put him down he instantly wakes up. Here's a solution. As your bouncing and you feel like your arms are going to fall off...keep going. You need to bounce him for 20 minutes AFTER you notice he went to sleep. For some reason that's the magic number. 19 minutes and the screaming monster would be up again but 20 and she would still be asleep when I laid her down! (and yes I was horrid but I totally let my kids sleep on their tummies. IMO it helped with the pain and they slept better! Not condoning at all it's just what worked for us)

[jean]

22.

I let my son sleep on his stomache. I know. Horror. But I was desparate and it helped. He still had bad days when nothing seemed to work. It does get better, I promise. He is not a "difficult baby", good lord, he's completely normal. So are you. Hang in there.

[Kate]

23.

When my daughter was a tiny baby, I mentioned much the same symptoms to the pediatrician who immediately put her on Zantac, saying she had reflux. It didn't help.

Fast forward a year later: We find out she has food allergies (milk & egg whites) and the whole time I was breastfeeding (9 months) she was getting those proteins in my milk, hence the discomfort, crying, spitting up.... The dr never suggested to me that I cut those things out of my diet to see if it made a difference. The allertist said though that food allergies cause tummy upset/discomfort which is probably why she was so fussy.

So yes, I would definitely recommend cutting out milk/dairy, but also eggs from your diet. I wish I'd known sooner and saved my little from the agony.

Hope it works! You're doing a great job Jennie. Hang in there. :)

[Jean]

24.

Dex went through a similar phase, up until he was almost 3 months. We did switch to Enfamil Gentlease after 6 weeks of screaming, and it helped. I was so stressed, my milk supply really started to drop off.

We also used Sassy/MAM vented bottles. Mylicon did nothing for him, but gripe water did help. There were times his tummy was hard as a rock and you could feel it pulsing when he screamed, and gripe water did bring relief.

I hear you on the going out thing...if he wasn't asleep, I would completely panic, because if he was awake, he was going to be ANGRY.

We never found a solution, but he gradually grew out of it. Little by little. I know that's not real encouraging, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Day by day it gets closer...

I felt the exact same way...especially with everyone around me having NO memory of 'their' children ever doing this, or having friends say their babies never made a peep. I put on a smiley face on the outside, but several times I week I would have a meltdown and feel like a complete failure.

You are a good mom! Keep trying different things out. You're trying to bring the both of you comfort, and there's nothing wrong with that.

[Mandee]

25.

No advice, just good thoughts coming your way. You are doing a great job and he is a perfect baby--just as he is. High hopes that things get remarkably easy very quickly.

[Cheri]

26.

My sister's baby had very similar symptoms and she ended up switching to a no-dairy diet and the problem was fixed. She ate literally NOTHING with dairy in it (you'll be surprised how many items you'd never guess contain dairy).

On the plus side, she also lost 50 pounds from doing so.

[Anna]

27.

I don't have children yet, but my sister in law seemed to have a very similar experience with her first. She often talks about a vivid memory of a really bad day with lots of crying and a diaper blow out and thinking that her life would be about cleaning poop off the wall forever. When her lovely daughter was about one or so and no longer a fussy newborn she looked back on that moment and sort of smacked her head - of course her life wouldn't be diaper blow-outs and fussiness forever. But when you're in that moment it’s hard to have that perspective.

She also frequently repeats the following saying: you should have two children so you know you aren't the worst mom ever or the best mom ever. Each child is so, so different and when yours won't sleep at night, or has gas problems, or is a quiet little mouse it has little to do with your parenting skills and everything to do with your brand of little child. Her first little girl had major sleep issues as a baby and her second little boy is a sleep champ. Same parents, same sleep arrangement, two very different children.

[misguided mommy]

28.

we had to put my first son on a couple times a day dose of mylecon to help him with his gas bubbles. and then we also started scrunching his legs up towards his chest to help him fart. kind like bicycle motion and then just one big scrunch up and poof he would fart

[Jess]

29.

I think you ARE as strong as you thought you'd be. Stronger, maybe. You can't work miracles and nobody ever thought you would. But I am sure that you calm him down as much as he can be calmed considering the pain that he's in. And I hope that you cutting out dairy does the trick. My fingers are crossed for you. You are a great mom.

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

30.

When my friend's baby experienced something similar to what you're describing, she changed her diet too. She went on a gluten-free, no eggs, no dairy diet and it helped. In addition, they used a goat milk-based formula as a supplement for awhile, because goat milk is more similar to breast milk and therefore easier on digestion. When she did introduce dairy back into her diet, she did it slowly and tried goat products first - goat cheese, goat milk - before trying the cow's milk. The only thing to watch out for on that front was the potassium, I think.

I hope the dietary changes work. Best wishes and here's a *hug* Just keep trying new things. You're doing the best you can, being the best mother you can be, so don't think otherwise for even a second. You'll figure out what the problem is eventually, it just takes time.

[Christina]

31.

I did not read the 29 comments before mine so forgive me if this has been said.
All of Nate's issues were my fault- it was always something I ate. Here is a list (what I can remember) of the foods I gave up for about 6 months that were definite offenders.
garlic-onions-apples-chocolate-diet coke- wine- cranberries-bananas-mustard-artichokes-indian- mexican. God it was a long 6 months!
Luckly dairy had nothing to do with it but I would have killed for a diet coke- holy hell.
It will get better- It ALWAYS gets better- try to get out. Go to a park and just get some fresh air- no one will be there at 10 am to hear if the baby needs to cry.

[Crystal]

32.

Get some Mylicon, Girlfriend!! It's a lifesaver!!

And get Kyle's little legs bicycling after every meal!! He'll feel better in no time (and so will you)!!

Sorry we missed each other this week! We'll catch up next week!

Hugs all around!

[auntie]

33.

no kids here, so no advice from me. just supportive thoughts going out to your little family.

[Lane]

34.

Hang in there home girl! It will get better, I promise.

I'm sorry I don't have much advice. If you need someone to talk to though, you know where to come.

I'm thinking and praying for your new family.

[Miss L]

35.

Obviously, this is my experience, but I'm on baby #4 and she's now 7 months and definitely had the worst gas problems of all my kids.

I'm still nursing, but I've also supplemented with formula since she was about 2 months, or when I went out. She gets "Mylicon" drops pretty much before each feeding (even at night) both nursing and/or bottle (esp bottles). fyi: off brand are MUCH less expensive and work just as well. We use the Walmart brand. Target works, too. I have some on each floor of the house and in my purse and in the car. This has worked for several of my kids.

Diet-wise, obviously everyone has their own verbotten items, but for me: I am off (for the most part) carbonated drinks and chocolate. I can totally tell in her when I've indulged--and we both pay. All other food seems fine.

Also, like others have said, my girl sleeps on her stomach. She's done this since she was about 3 weeks old. Initially scary, but it totally helped. When she was brand new and we were up so much in the wee hours, I'd give her some drop and put a blanket down on the carpet and let her lay on her tummy while she cried and tooted and I regrouped.

It's not easy. Hang in there because you're doing great. And honestly, it never gets easier because there will always be SOMETHING (hello, teething??? Ugh), but your ability to deal with it grows and gets refined and before you know it, you'll be sharing what worked for you to help Kyle get over HIS gas. Good luck!!!!

[Laurie]

36.

I don't know if someone mentioned this...& I'm sure it would help only a smidge but in combo with all the other things you're doing, who knows? My baby, Lincoln, was having some of the same issues but not to this extent & his pediatrician suggested we increase his tummy-time to @ least 10 minutes twice a day. He has been much more *regular* ever since with all that extra pressure on his tummy. Plus, it helps with their neck muscles anyway.

[nanette]

37.

Gripe water helped with our gas issues a lot, although we ended up having to use a special pacifier thing to give it to our baby girl as the syringe sputtered out the liquid WAY too fast for her. There's also a special hold that seemed to help a lot. We'd hold her with her back up against our chest/stomach, with her feet in our hands, pulling up her knees - basically a sort of squat for her. We'd either walk around the house or bounce gently on an exercise ball to help work the gas out.

Our little girl was quite cranky up until about 3 months - then a switch flipped and she became so much more cheerful. Those first three months really are the fourth trimester.

Sending lots of good thoughts your way!

[cherie]

38.

You may have already heard all this in your 37 other comments but I'd be a bad friend if I didn't share. Devin shrieks like a banshee when he has gas and Dane just lifts a cheek (literally!) and let's ‘em rip. I don't know how two babies with the same DNA can be so different. Things that helped Devin:
1) tummy time (he cried through it and passed some gas, but the trying to keep his head up and the crying helped wear him out so he would sleep)
2) laying him flat across our thighs or on his left side (to stretch out his colon – a nurse told me) and patting his butt
3) perching him high with his stomach on our shoulder
4) the baby massage moves where you lay them flat and either squish both legs into their belly or doing them one at a time like a bicycle
Hope he gets feeling better! I miss you and hopefully will get to me the little man in June.

[Stacy]

39.

He's quite a handsome little guy!

I'm sorry your first weeks with him are so trying. I had a difficult time but for more personal reasons when Noah was born 15 months ago. It is a brutal time - regardless ...

I can't offer more ideas than what is already here but I will add that if you have any gut feeling, don't talk your out of it -- you are a MOTHER now, you know this baby better than anyone else, he lived in your body ... keep seeing doctors, ask for a specialist if necessary. Ask questions and don't be afraid to blog in detail about baby outputs (poop, etc) ... people will be able to help with suggestions if you can narrow it down more.
Colic and relux are definite potentials but you never know. I think going on a reduced diet is a good idea, some babies are super sensitive and you might find the culprit by eliminating acidy foods (OJ, tomatoes) and dairy (cheese, milk, yogurt). You may end up eating rice and rice cereal and rice-based everything for a week but at least you'll know. Keep a log, a record, etc ....

Good Luck, please keep us posted. Also, when you look back in a year, you won't feel as guilty as you do now about this time being so trying.

[Dianna]

40.

I don't have children and don't intend to, but I do love reading your posts about Kyle and especially loved how your shared your pregnancy difficult as it was. You are doing the absolute best you can for him. Just because someone may give you a hard time about using formula or giving him a pacifire, who cares? He is doing just fine. He has a brand new system that is going to take some time to adjust to how it works. You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty, and I know it's so easy for me to say that, but really you are doing great.

[Candy]

41.

Our boy is now 2 months and 2 weeks. I promise you, gummy grins are right around the corner. His problem was his own darned mother. Yes, me.

He was a gassy baby from the start. Well, being completely inexperienced, instead of burping the stew out of him, like I do now, I would feed him again. I nursed him SO MUCH during those first weeks. I had no idea what else to do, and the only instinct I had was to give him the one thing that would shut him up. Thus compounding the problem, and thus leaving me with sleeping on the couch with his bassinet to get up every hour.

His grandmother finally saw how worn down (like drop off at fire department worn down) I was and immediately offered to stay the night and teach me a thing or two about mothering. Where was she three weeks ago?!?

Now this kid gets burped proper (for what seems like twice as long as it takes to feed him), and he's a happy little pea pod. I just wish, like you, that my earliest memories weren't so sleep-deprived-anger-induced. I do remember the sweet smell of his breath of when he laid on my chest after getting knocked out in a milky coma. I wouldn't trade that for the world. And you're going to find little nuggets like that to cling to in this newborn fog and cherish. It gets better... so much better :)

[Danielle]

42.

I am so sorry little man is having a hard time. Try not to let guilt eat at you for this-you are doing everything you can, and something will click and things will feel better for him.

[Denise]

43.

I'm sorry you and your guy are having a difficult time. I hope you both find a strategy to ease the pain.