Monday mash-up

Over the weekend I was cleaning my kitchen because sometimes I do that. Not often, but sometimes. There was a spider hanging out on the counter, and in my domestic opinion, rogue spiders do not a clean kitchen make. I hollered into the other room, "Baby, will you come take care of a spider for me?" And yes I might have said "kill" instead of "take care of." To my defense, I knew Mike wouldn't actually kill the spider. He never does. That's just the kind of gentle, loving man I married. Furthermore, I probably wouldn't have killed it either. I probably would have left the room in a very strong state of denial.

Anyway, so Mike walked into the kitchen, took a look at the spider and said, "Oh, that's just Fred." I ... well, I can't remember how I responded, truth be told, but I think it was something along the lines of "What?" "Yeah, I found him the other day and put him in our houseplant. I thought he'd like it there." Hey, you know what spiders also like? WALKING WITH THEIR EIGHT LEGS. Maybe a HOUSEPLANT on our WINDOWSILL above our SINK where I wash our son's BOTTLES isn't the best place for Fred. After a few more rounds of, "Wait...what?" Mike picked up Fred and decided to just put him outside. Probably so I'd stop writing in ALL CAPS or something.

"Oh crap."

"What?"

"Fred jumped out of my hand."

Oh, yes. A jumping spider is exactly the kind of pet I would have chosen to inhabit our kitchen.

Instead of just admitting there were a few very crucial holes in his plan, Mike said, "God, Fred is in a mood today."

Yeah, this is my life.

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So, the VMAs, should this 27 year old comment on them? You're shaking your heads in unison, I CAN ALMOST PICTURE IT, and I'm sure the world really doesn't need one more person calling Kanye West a douchenozzle, but KANYE WEST, YOU ARE A DOUCHENOZZLE. It's not even that I think he was wrong -- although I personally think Taylor Swift is 1) talented, 2) classy and 3) a crazy good role model for teens compared to, oh, EVERY OTHER SINGER OUT THERE -- but if you feel like speaking out against the injustice of AN MTV AWARD, MY GOD, then take to Twitter. Twitter was totally made for this shit. Or take to your personal blog. Or bitch to that woman you brought with you. Rant and rave to anyone with a microphone when that microphone is, you know, OFFERED TO YOU. But don't crown yourself the awards police.

In other VMA-related news, I still love Greenday. I still don't get Lady Gaga although the woman has a killer body, I WANT THOSE ABS. I still kind of roll my eyes at Mike's hardcore crush on Pink while simultaneously kind of having my own hardcore crush on Pink. And I still get goosebumps every time Alicia Keys opens her ridiculously talented mouth.

The New Moon trailer also reminded me why I jumped on the very big, very littered with tweens Twilight bandwagon in the first place. Oh, it looks good!

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The True Blood finale was the biggest letdown of any finale I've seen in ages. THOSE WERE NOT CLIFFHANGERS, TRUE BLOOD POWERS-THAT-BE.

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I have not forgotten about choosing a winner from this post. I have to sort out all the comments I personally left like a total, clueless idiot, and then figure out how many actual comments there were. So, simple math. I have to do simple math, and that's the hold up. Yeah.

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We also went to a birthday party for Kyle's cougar girlfriend, Payton, this weekend. (Crystal's baby girl.) She turned one and had a Hello Kitty party to celebrate. Kyle had a blast, and I think this picture accurately captures that.

 

He's just SO! EXCITED! ABOUT! THAT! PIG! He doesn't have that many toys at home as you may able to tell by his PURE GLEE! But, just look at him, geeked out over this toy. I was watching him at the party, and the way he was sharing toys and interacting with the other babies and watching Payton open her gifts, and this is so cheesy and ridiculous, but I almost choked up because LOOK AT THAT LITTLE PERSON. He's no longer a teeny-tiny infant you can stick in the corner asleep in his car seat. I can almost make out the little boy and the bigger boy and the glaring-emo-adolescent boy he'll turn into be. I can see this person emerging, more and more every day, and it's beautiful. It's everything. It really, really is. No one warns you about these moments, and I'm pretty sure if they did, you'd look at them like they had lost their minds anyway. A PIG, WOMAN? REALLY? God, get over your stupid mom self already.

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After I put that LITTLE PERSON to bed tonight, I'm pouring myself a glass of wine and enjoying the premiere of two of my favorite CW shows. So, yeah, it's not all mom stuff around here. Sometimes it's 16-year-old TV tastes, too.

Comments

[barbetti]

You don't kill spiders? Well...if you lived in Idaho you probably would kill the HOBO spiders we have here. I have a photo of them up on Facebook, but if you google them....UGHHH. I can't deny that one of the biggest reasons we chose a third-floor apartment is to be rid of them. They are aggressive (I was chased by one once, not kidding!) and poisonous. Damn you, Idaho!

And Kanye. Ugh. Initally, all the stupid things he did and said were kind of funny, in a "Oh Kayne, you ignorant, silly jackass kind of way. But now, it's just annoying. Among other things.

Kyle is ADORABLE. Love his face. I think I asked it on flickr, but is his hair getting redder? It looks so!

[Jess]

OMG he is so cute with that pig I DIE.

[HollyLynne]

My husband takes spiders outside as well, but so far as I know he doesn't name them. As far as I know . . .

I was a little disappointed in the True Blood finale as well . . . if they'd wanted a real cliffhanger they should've kept Eggs alive. He was starting to FREAK me OUT. The good thing is, though, MARYANN IS NO MORE. We can return to our regularly scheduled hot vampire action next season. (I hope.)

[Natalie]

My mom doesn't kill spiders either, she escorts them out the door. She says spiders are good for killing mosquitoes! I don't have tV or MTV so I didn't see what happened with Kayne! And I've never heard of a douchenozzle! too funny! After seeing some of the first season of True Blood I realized that they are all about the cliff hangers, I bet it is excruciating to wait week to week. I've really been accustomed to moving right to the next episode with all of my netflix watching.

[Jennie]

Most pictures show a tinge of red, but it's not as noticeable in person. Honestly -- and I hate to admit this because no one wants that boy's hair to be red more than me -- I think it's lightening up and turning blondish. OH HOW I HOPE I'M WRONG.

[Katy]

WE don't kill spiders at our house and then i just have to call the bug man and get the whole place sprayed to hell and back because they're taking over.

Personally, I think the person thing about kids is the best part. Some people are into the baby stuff, but me, I like the individuality that starts shining through as they get older.

[amieable]

I think Kanye is the first person to "jump the shark" as a person, not a television show.

[Rhi]

This post made me realize that I don't know when any of my shows premiere. I think I have some work to do.

[slynnro]

Mike and Aaron, they'd be friends.

[Gaby]

"God, Fred is in a mood today." HILARIOUS. And just the sort of random thing I'd hear from my husband, so you have my sympathies and understanding.

Your little guy and his pig? Adorable.

[Shelly]

I HATE spiders. More than snakes, moths, or any other critter really. Jumping ones? OMG I WOULD DIE.

Ooooh and now the Jay Leno bit with Kanye lastnight on his new show? Totally did not expect THAT reaction. Kanye? Tears?

[Jennie]

You know, I think he's genuinely sorry, and I can appreciate a sincere
apology. I kind of felt like Jay was pushing a little too hard. Yeah, the
guy's a douche and did a really douchey thing, but why'd you have to go and
ask him what his mom would have thought, Jay. WTF?

[Erin @ Fierce Beagle]

Your husband sounds like my husband: Completely insane when it comes to the catch-and-release thing. Because often times he forgets the whole RELEASE PART.

As a side note, have you read David Sedaris' When You Are Engulfed in Flames? You simply must read the essay "April in Paris." For serious. This is totally pertinent, and essential.

[Heather]

Man, I wish I had read about Dr. Doolittle before he left work!!!

Kyle IS enjoying that pig!

[auntie]

i'm fully in favor of killing spiders. no naming them, no holding their hands (hands??) and walking them across the room to a more comfortable chair...just SMOOSHING them & then flushing them down the toilet.

also? what @amieable said above: "I think Kanye is the first person to "jump the shark" as a person, not a television show." HILARIOUS!

[Deanna]

Love the baby with that pig...cute!! I say all the time that my girls (5 1/2 months) are becoming such little PEOPLE; it's amazing.

I wanted to cry for Taylor Swift. She looked like she really couldn't understand what just happened. My husband said that as a new father to little girls, he couldn't imagine how mad her dad must have felt watching that happen. Awww...

[Swistle]

"Fred is in a mood"? AHA HA HA HA HA!!!

[Swistle]

Oh, also! Occasionally we have a "Fred" at our house---a spider whose co-existence in my household I will allow. Recently we had one living behind Paul's homemade telescope, which is the size of an adult male, and I mean the telescope not the spider, and GEEZ I just gave myself the heebies thinking of a spider the size of an adult male. Anyway, that telescope isn't going anywhere, and the spider was one of those pretty ones that look like Charlotte, and she was always in the same place whenever I checked, so I allowed her to stay and eat bugs for us. But then this morning, there was an egg sac. Well SCREW THAT. I relocated Charlotte and her egg sac to under the trees outside.

[andrea]

My god, how I loathe the jumping spiders. I am not brave enough to kill or relocate them, so I vacuum them up. I like to think they all make friends there in the vacuum bag...

[Rachel]

A spider in the kitchen! Yuck!! Hope you found him and "got rid of him"..though I surely would've killed him immediately.

[sensibly Sassy]

"God, Fred is in a mood today."
My favorite line from this blog. Seriously thats good stuff