The apple doesn't get thrown far from the tree

When Kyle was a wee little guy, and I was having an especially hard day, the kind of day where he woke up screaming and then continued to scream until he collapsed in his bouncer for a furrowed-brow nap (no, really, that child's brow was furrowed for the first two months of his life, see below), I walked out of his bedroom, into the kitchen, grabbed a water bottle off the counter and threw it across the living room.

So furrowed! 

Sometimes, when I get frustrated or angry or fed up with the business of being an adult, I throw things. Hey, listen, I'm not proud of this, but you should know I rarely throw sharp or dangerous things, and I also rarely throw things at another living creature unless Mike has deleted Gossip Girl off the DVR. AGAIN.

Kyle has recently started hating the changing table with every fiber of his being. I think this has something to do with being forced to lie down when he wants to be up! and army crawling! and eating power cords!, but for whatever reason the act of changing his diaper and putting him in clean clothes is equivalent to tossing acid on him. He writhes and screams and squawks. He kicks. He gets so wiggly that I have to literally pin him down with one arm while the other arm changes his diaper by itself. I should put this talent on my resume because if you think one-handed diaper-changing isn't a worthy skill to brag about, you've never done it. So, yes, the changing table portion of the day is the angriest my child ever gets other than the few minutes he can see the made bottle but can't actually get his grubby hands on the made bottle because I'm across the room taunting him with it.

The other morning, I walked in to get him out of his crib, and he was jabbering and smiling and holding his pacifier and eager to get up, and we had such a sweet 15 seconds while I walked him from his crib to the changing table. 

As soon as I laid him flat to get him out of his diaper and pjs, though, he scrunched that brow of his and hollered, loudly and angrily. I then said very sternly, "Child, you will stop this instant. We do not act like that when other people are nice enough to wipe our butts for us." I really said that, too, because I think it's just ridiculous that anyone, eight months old or otherwise, would act outraged at not having to sit in their own poop. As soon as I took the "stern mama voice," he stopped crying, looked at me, picked up his pacifier from beside him and threw it with much force onto the ground. 

I gave him the benefit of the doubt -- assumed he thought I handed him a hot coal and not his beloved pacifier that I rarely give him outside of his crib these days -- and handed it back to him. (Another skill: holding the baby with one hand while leaning down to retrieve the discarded pacifier with the other.)

He looked at me, even more angry and determined, and threw it across the room again.

I was, uh, rightfully stunned. This is a baby. He can't even say "mama" yet, so where on earth did he learn to express his anger in such a....ooooh. Yeeeeeeah.

That's my boy.

I sat him up soon after that and said to him what Mike and I say to him a lot, the parenting mantra that we've come to embrace, the one that will get us ridiculed and judged by everyone on our PTA committees. "Baby, only mama throws things out of anger." (Or, "Baby, only daddy uses words like that." Or, "Baby, only mama eats this many cookies in one sitting.")

He laughed at me, and I laughed right back.

Comments

[Heather]

Oh that's hilarious. I am laughing hysterically over here. I LOVE that you and Mike recognize what traits you have each passed on to him. Give him big, big smooches for me!

[MichelleRenee]

I'm a thrower too.. It happens.

Adorable furrowed brow. Very serious.
(or he's looking for more stuff to throw)

[Natalie]

LOL!

[Mrs. D]

Such a sweet and funny story!

[Bobbi Janay]

It is amazing what they pick up isn't it?

[Jess]

Awww. The best is when they do things that you have to reprimand them for, but really you just want to crack up because it's so adorable.

[Manda]

Dude we are so much trouble when these kids are in high school!!!!