On hold

I was planning a summer vacation -- Alaska? Italy? a New England tour? a Mexican cruise? oh, the options were endless, and I was having such fun planning, too -- but this morning, my car stopped reversing. I don't know how much you know about cars, but I'd say that's not good. Along with gas in the tank and insurance, reversing and accelerating are pretty damn important for a successful drive. The vacation is shelved, the finances that were looking slightly robust after taking Kyle out of daycare and our end-of-the-year bonuses are now looking stretched thin, again. 

2009 has been a very hard year for us financially, although I know this has been a much harder year for so many more. We had a baby, bought a house (did you know down payments aren't merely a suggestion for some of us? annoying) and had to buy new appliances and furniture for that house. Also, daycare. If I told you what we spent on daycare for 4 days a week (not even a full five!), your mouths would hit the floor. That would hurt, so I won't say how much. I'll just say it was a whole helluva lot, and I'll also say it was very nearly a second mortgage.

I was feeling better, on top of things, good, even, and then this. It's hard not to spiral into a "why me?" fit, even though so many others are looking down the barrel of a holiday season without gifts at all, without a job, without insurance. We're lucky! I know this! I'm grateful! But, my car doesn't reverse! That just sucks! (Also, I bet you're laughing a little because everyone I've told today so far has laughed even when I asked them really nicely not to. It's a funny predicament, I suppose, but LET'S ALL LAUGH WHEN WE HAVE A NEW CAR, OK?) (Also, do you have a car you'd like to part with in exchange for cookies? a needy dog, even?) (Kidding, Molly.) (Unless, the car in question is super nice.)

I was really looking forward to our summer trip. Mike and I haven't gotten away, just the two of us, in so long. We're lucky to get lots of date nights and to travel (with friends, with Kyle) often enough, too. But just us? It's been so long. I really think we need it, too, especially after such a hard year. (It has been the best year of our lives, but I'd say the most stressful and hardest, too.)

I struggle with jealousy, and I get really, ridiculously envious when I know of people who've traveled the world and been to the places I most want to go to. I hate that at 27 I haven't been to any of the other 6 continents or more than three countries. I wanted to make this happen, this fun, romantic, adventure.

It can't happen, at least not for a while, and we're still so lucky -- with our home and our health and our baby and our marriage all in tact -- but can't a girl just wallow for the things that are lost sometimes? I have everything in the world I need. Now, if only I could get out there and see the world sometime, too.

Comments

[Jess]

Wait, so it won't go backward, but does it still go forward? Or are you parked in a garage or somewhere where you can't drive forward to find out?

Either way, that SUCKS. And yes, some people are worse off than you but that doesn't mean you can't feel frustrated, or vent on your blog. Here's hoping it turns out to be an inexpensive and minor repair?

[Heather]

Oh man...hope that it can be fixed cheaply. Sending big, big hugs.

[She Likes Purple]

Unfortunately, that's not the only issue, but definitely the biggest. It's having difficulty shifting gears too, so all signs point to the transmission being shot. Since this is a 10-year-old Saturn, it's valued less than a new transmission (or, hell, less than new tires), so it only makes sense to get a new (or new to us) car.

[Camels & Chocolate]

Ugh, we're about to have down payments and mortgages and whatnot, and I'm already mourning the death of J. Crew in my life. Also, travel that is not for work (which is few and far between but still).

[barbetti]

Stephen is a mechanic and asks what the status of your transmission fluid is, and if it has been changed recently? He also wants to know if it is an automatic or manual...he's assuming automatic, but thought it was important.

And, OH BOY, do I know how you feel. With the exception of Dublin, this has been a very hard year. I think I went all of 2007 and part of 2008 without crying once. Ever. And then BAM. 2009 was the year I probably cried a river. We need a vacation, a belated honeymoon, anything. I've never had a "real" vacation anywhere and I could sure use one. Our car is ten years old, too, and we owe more on it than it is worth. How sad is that?

[HollyLynne]

We are all allowed a good wallow. My current woe is the fact that our bonuses will be eaten up entirely by paying off debt (which is good, don't get me wrong) and buying new carpet for our bedrooms (which I didn't expect to cost as much AS A FREAKING CAR!!!). Alas!

[slynnro]

Waiting for some jackass to roll into town and tell you that you are ungrateful despite your numerous apologies for griping, as the internet is prone to do. It's okay to bitch!

[Carrie]

I hate adulthood sometimes- too many expenses and far too few vacations! Sorry to hear about your car, that stinks. I hope you guys get to take a fun vacation soon!

[Leigh]

I'll offer you a free house in ABQ for a week or so! Yes, it's hot in the summer. But great hiking and biking, and beer. (I know you like champagne. We don't have grapes here.) Seriously. And our house is recently childproofed.

Training for your half marathon here would be awesome. Lots of altitude advantage.

And car trouble SUCKS! Just sayin'.

[Vos]

Big hugs, and good wishes and for all the good things you and Mike do for others I hope that someone (wish it was me) can bless you wonderful people with a great new (new to you) car..... Lots of love,
Vos

[leenie]

long long time lurker finally writing to say: yes yes, bitch away! this is an expensive year.

oh, and as a fellow (single, non-mom) 27 year old i just want to say that i'm so so thrilled and pleased that kyle hasn't taken away your wanderlust and need to see the world. it makes me feel more comfortable with becoming a mom one day.

[Kelly]

My old car stopped reversing too - so I know how you feel, and no, it's not funny.

It's okay to complain about things from time to time. I was planning on (and had paid a deposit for) a cruise of the South Pacific until my MIL got diagnosed with her terminal brain tumour. It sucked. It sucks that she died, and it sucks that we couldn't have a break. And now we still can't, because I lost my job and now I'm just doing casual work. And that sucks too.

You're allowed to have a vent! I think that's what most blogs are for - to have a bit of a bitch. It doesn't mean you're not grateful for what you've got, it just means you hate Murphy (of Murphy's Law). He's an asshole.

[Kristie]

Oh hun, it's perfectly OK to be upset and wallow. We all need to do that sometimes, for sure.
It took me almost 15 years, from the time I moved out on my own, to be able to travel much. I know how you feel.
I hope it all works out for you guys. If I had a spare car, I'd give it to you!

[Jessica]

Problems with the car are the WORST. They disrupt everything and always just make my week feel awful. I totally get the just "really, world, you gonna do me that way?" feeling. Hope you have a great day today and that things start to feel lighter.

[Moose]

My car is currently running on prayer. So I hear you. May the repairs be unnecessary (magic fixing! COULD HAPPEN) or cheaper than a latte or may you find extra money somewhere for both car and lovely trip.

[Louise]

Oh God. Your problems sound so much like our family's. We were down financially, and just when we thought the holidays will be great, our car almost burned down. Awful. :(