Sap

I bought the invitations today, pressed "purchase" without thinking and then it hit me, entire minutes later, birthday invitations? I need to catch my breath.

When they're little -- head-flopping, tiny-screaming and late-night-waking little -- you think, Oh, it'll be lovely when they can hold their heads up by themselves and smile.

When they get a little bigger, you think, Oh, it'll be great when they sleep in larger chunks.

When they master sleeping through the night, you get greedy and think, Oh, it'll be fun when they can sit up unassisted and hold their own bottle.

When they do all that, you think, When they can eat real food and not be dependent on me or a bottle, that'll be nice.

Then it's, when they can hold things and play independently.

There's so much ahead to look forward to, and it all zips by in such rapid succession, that it's easy -- no, it's nearly impossible to avoid -- looking to then instead of living right now.

Before you know it, before you can even believe it, you are buying first-birthday invitations and waving at your boy and helping him walk like a happy drunk and listening to his (unintentional) words.

I can't give advice on bottles or baby clothes or sleep training tips or the best toys. I've never felt all that "in the know" with those things. I can guess! Or, regurgitate what I've read/heard/been told before! But, I'm no real expert on any of that. All I know, all I can tell you if you're asking for mom advice, is this: stop, right now, right where you are and breathe it in. Don't worry about Saturday or January or the summer. Don't think about any of it, just try as hard as you possibly can to enjoy right here, right now. It's gone like that, and the cruelest joke the world will ever play on you is that what you were so eager to get to will look less beautiful in the moment than where you are now will look in hindsight.

You get your babies for one year before you buy birthday invitations and look up birthday cake recipes and start counting the months past twelve. You get one year to do it all the first time and although I imagine it's all still very cool the second time and third and fifth and 19th times, this first year is big, it's awesome, every bit of it. Enjoy every bit of it. (Stop, again, and breathe it in now, too.)

I can't wait to see him at one and two and three and every year he's with me. I can't wait because there's really good stuff up ahead, the best stuff, in hindsight. But I should wait. I need to learn to love to wait, to embrace and fall in love with right here, right now. 

Then

Now

We still have some serious living-in-the-moment time left before he turns one, I know, but buying those invitations, man, they sure did floor me.

I've been away from Kyle since Wednesday; he's been visiting family with his dad because we have a new baby girl in the family (yea! pink!), and I miss my kid like crazy. I can't get to him fast enough tomorrow, but once I'm with him, I'll stop, breathe him in and enjoy him, right then, right now.

Comments

[evilkittywonka]

I know that I have really, really, really sucked at the whole commenting thing for quite some time now. That doesn't mean that I haven't been reading pretty much ever word you've written and enjoying every morsel of it.

Since I don't have kids of my own, and only see my step-munchkin once or twice a month (if I'm lucky), I've missed a lot of the milestones, and have a much harder time relating with a lot of the kid talk on a personal basis, but I still think that this is one of the most poignant entries I've seen anywhere in a very long time.

"It's gone like that, and the cruelest joke the world will ever play on you is that what you were so eager to get to will look less beautiful in the moment than where you are now will look in hindsight." I think that concept is true for everybody, no matter what the situation. It's so easy to always be looking forward, and in some cases, always be looking backwards. The present often seems so mundane that it's hard to appreciate how wonderful it really is.

Hugs to you, Mike, and Kyle. I'm so glad to see that life is treating you folks well, and I can't wait for the day (hopefully on my next Texas trip) when I make it into your neck of the woods so that I can get to meet all of you and see for myself how awesome the three of you are.

[Christina]

This made me sad for being finished with both Nate's first AND second years but it's such a great reminder to go slow with the new baby. I need to add "stop and breathe" to my list in 2010.
Have a terrific weekend!

[barbetti]

I read this at 1 AM and definitely sniffled quite a bit, realizing Dublin is five months away from his 1st birthday as well, and all the changes in store for him.

I wish I could remember some of the little things. I look at D's 2, 3 month photos and try to remember who he was then. Time needs to slow down.

[Kristie]

I know how you feel. Jackson will be THREE YEARS OLD in less than two months. Time freaking flies.

[Jess]

This is such a great lesson, especially for parents but really for all of us: think and plan for the future, yes, but also pay attention the present. So important.

[natalie]

This is just gorgeous writing, and true true true.

[Ashley]

"The cruelest joke the world will ever play on you is that what you were so eager to get to will look less beautiful in the moment than where you are now will look in hindsight." Wow. Just...wow. Beautiful, profound, and oh so true.

[Heather]

Your posts have always touched me, but now that I am closer to becoming a mom than I have ever been, I am hanging on to every word, because I know there's big lessons in there for me. I want to drink in every moment the way you have.

[Kader]

About once a day, I remember to do this. And when I do, the tears just run down my face. He's so amazing--this little boy--right here, right now.

Thanks for the post. As always, it's good to know that others are wrestling with the same things.

That Kyle--could he be cuter?