My Enemies List

I got this great idea from a new favorite blog of mine, Operation Pink Herring. (She's funny, go read her.)

Drivers who are selfish mergers. You know, the ones who speed up to get to the front of the merging line and then don't let anyone else in. Fuckers.

Spencer & Heidi, who I feel have secured their place on many an Enemies List, especially after Heidi's recent "I'm obsessed with plastic surgery" crap

Cockroaches

Jackson, from Gilmore Girls, aka The Most Annoying Television Character There Ever Was

Reliant Energy

A particular Fox Rental Car employee at the SFO airport who told me at 1 a.m. that I couldn't rent a car even though I had a reservation, and then said, "Next!" as I started to cry (with Kyle in tow)

Those who mispronounce 'supposedly'

People who say, "I'm not even going to ATTEMPT your last name. It's ridiculous!" How about you not attempt talking in general. I like that idea better.

Jillian Michaels (although it's a love-hate kind of thing)

The cashier at Central Market who told me she felt badly for my son (WHO SHE DID NOT KNOW) because I was no longer breastfeeding

(Myself, for not telling that cashier to fuck off.)

Whoever is not nominating Friday Night Lights for awards

The Beastie Boys

Chad Michael Murray

Sandra Lee and her ugly kitchen

Our old landlords

People who use LOL often and with no restraint

Those who think "email" translates to "enough anonymity to be a raging dickhead with no consequence"

Charlie Sheen

The woman who said to me, at six-weeks pregnant when I wasn't showing, "I wasn't going to ask if you were pregnant because sometimes fat's just fat"

Dawson (not James Van Der Beek, just Dawson)

*****

What about you, who/what is on YOUR Enemies List?

Comments

[natalie]

Movie talkers. Nicolas Cage in anything besides Raising Arizona. Passive aggressive coworkers. Almost every news anchor in existence.
Whew. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

[Kim]

All the people (mothers) who asked 'he's not walking yet???' from months 9 to 15. Idiots in WalMart who stop their carts smackdab in the middle of a walking path. That post-partum nurse who made me drink warm Sprite and prune juice because she refused to release me until... well, you can guess. Waxers who always ask if I want my lip done, too, when I just asked for an eye wax, THANKS!

[C @ Kid Things]

I can not stand Sandra Lee. Usually, I leave the Food Network on as background noise (not like I really need background noise, what with the 3 screaming kids), but even just as background noise, if she comes on, I HAVE to change the channel.

[Holly]

I love this. And am in full agreement about the people who do not pronounce 'supposedly' correct. I put them right up there with people who say "eck-specially" instead of 'especially.' Drives me NUTS.

[Wonderspot]

You have a great list. I actually "unfriended" a family member for LOL reason alone. Good Lord. A few of my other ones: Rush Limbaugh and his listeners. Izzy Stevens on Grey's Anatomy. People who ignore all grammar rules in emails/ Facebook posts/Tweets.

I'm sure there are many others....

[Zoo]

LOL!

Sorry. Couldn't help myself.

[Anna]

I love this! Mine would include anyone who tells a pregnant lady that they're too big (so annoying), people who barge into an elevator without waiting for people to get off and mean co-workers who spread false gossip about your work ethic.

I hate Sandra Lee's ugly kitchens too! I once saw an interview with her where she explained the concept behind her various kitchen designs (it's a new design each week). She explained that they were trying to make them look like the "average mom's kitchen" which explained why they are so cluttered. I don't think I've ever seen such a matchy-matchy kitchen in real life, so I don't know who this "average mom" is.

[Raven]

Paula Deen's "party show" UGH. She's sooooo sexual and nasty on that show, coupled with the outrageous accent-it's a recipe for gagging repeatedly.

eHarmony commercials. I was on that ridiculous site and OH MY HEAVEN, no way in hell.

Tamra on RHOC. GAH SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY.

Wow, I could go on and on...

[Rhi]

I'm totally with you on Sandra Lee.

Also: this girl in my office who laughs through her nose, passive aggressive Facebook status updaters and people who just stop trying to pronounce my name because they deem it "too difficult."

[Carmen]

See, now, I'm not sure that Jackson was more annoying than George from Seinfeld.

But I'm with you on the others.

[Janssen]

Agreed on Jackson. What a shame.

Also, "sometimes fat is just fat?!" Where do people even learn to be like this?

[ali]

Chad Michael Murray???
WHY?

[Heather]

Your list cracked me up.

I would add:

1) The property management company at The Mandolin apartments in Euless (That would be UDR Properties)

2) People that drive too slowly, and wait until the last second to merge over, and don't use the signal to do it

I *KNOW* my list should be longer...but I am in a good mood today because I saw my wittle baby and tomorrow is Friday (even better---Friday with a PARTY!!!), so I can't think of all the things that tick me off!

[Jess]

I've just added the woman who made the comment to you about the breastfeeding to MY enemies list, too. Because COME ON.

[Natalie]

You forgot something oh so important! When people write Jenny for your name even though they are your close friend and have seen your name in print 100 times.

I agree with LOL!! I have been sending my mom funny text messages, and she has been responding with that's so funny, b/c she knows she can't use LOL around me.

Onions are my enemy!

[Mags]

Every jerkface that asks if you are pregnant. Unless I look like I'm smuggling a concert-sized bowling ball in my shirt, you have no business asking. If you do ask, be prepared for me to make you look like a fool.

Also people trying to talk you into working out with them. It's one thing if they're a close friend, but a co-worker? Yeah, no thanks. I've had enough of work people today.

[annie]

How do you mispronounce "supposedly?"

[Gaby]

My coworker who sneaks in almost an hour after he says he comes in yet still sneaks out at 11:30 a.m. for "lunch" that lasts until 1:30 p.m.! And who has admitted to me that he works on his freelance stuff while in the office (but who has 3 kids, so I don't feel right ratting him out). AND who chews with his mouth open, which I can hear from my office that is next to him. UGH, this guy.

Oh, and annie? Imagine substituting a "B" for the "D," to make it "supposebly." My husband hates that too.

[Becky]

This is great. I'm stealing it and putting mine up right now.

[Kristie]

The only thing on my list, right now, is the entire ocean that seperates the United States from The UK.

[Kristen]

A certain passive aggressive family member who lets me know when I'm looking fatter than the last time she saw me by mentioning that there 'must have been a lot of cookies around lately because she took one look at me and could tell.' She is a skinny b, which doesn't help.

People who give unwanted advice. Hey, I don't remember ASKING you for advice, so shut it.

Anyone who takes something from my life and passes judgement on it. Seriously! Walk a mile in my shoes (and, also suck it..)

[HollyLynne]

Anyone who drives in Beverly Hills.

I had to run an errand there this morning and I

a) got stuck behind a guy who stopped at ALL LIGHTS, no matter the color

b) spotted TWO people turning left from the right hand lane, and

c) was flipped off by a woman whilst trying to get into my parked car (in the pouring rain. VISABLY PREGNANT.) because:

(i) my car door jutted out just an inch or two into the BIKE LANE she was driving in, and

(ii) my car is not a Mercedes.

[katy]

So. Freakin'. Funny.

Why do you hate Chad? Because he's douchey in his personal life or because he left OTH?

I might have to do this on my blog--it's awesome.

[Mrs. D]

I am 100% with you on the LOL, Sandra Lee and her kitchen (and her ridiculous tablescapes), Chad Michael Murray, Speidi, those people who aren't rewarding FNL, and those who mispronounce supposedly. (Supposably is only cute if you are three.)

Maintenance people who make a huge mess and then leave - often without fixing anything - also make my list.

[auntie]

I hate Sandra Lee and her tablescapes with the fiery heat of a thousand suns! She may be a peach in real life, but somehow I doubt it. I'd add Rachel Ray to that list as well - the garbage bowl on the counter makes me want to gag all over the tv.

Also? People who clip their fingernails or toenails at work...it doesn't matter which one they're doing, that clipping sound always makes me believe it's their toenails. and OMGWTF??! Barf.

I think I'd have to add most all of reality tv to my Hate List, too. If you want me to give up CIA secrets, just make me watch American Idol.