I shall warm myself up with vodka

Now, before you say anything, I know you have it worse. I know your pipes routinely burst and your heat went out once when it was negative kajillion (actual thermometer reading), and you have to walk to work in blizzards and a polar bear once complained about the weather in your town. I get all that, I do, but that doesn't change the fact that TEXAS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO REACH THE TEENS. AT ALL.

Ever.

It's also not supposed to snow three times in the month of December, but Texas is apparently having a major identity crisis.

I complain for a number of reasons, but the major one is that we live in a very old, drafty, pier-and-beam home and when it's windy and below freezing, it's hard to get the temperature above 55 in our house. (Case in point: Mike's Christmas morning attire.) Except in Kyle's room. He's sweating while the rest of the house cries in cold, cold pain.

We plan to insulate the place better just as soon as we win the lottery.

It's usually not a problem because it's usually not below freezing because we are practically in Mexico and when you think of Mexico, do you think of snowstorms and temperature in the teens? No one vacations in Mexico because of their awesome ski weather, am I right?

Also, Kyle's cute little habit of pulling his socks off and throwing them is less cute when his feet freeze off.

I like to call Texas the land of the T-shirt Christmas, because you can -- more often than not -- wear exactly that during the holidays. We have our random ice storm or snow day, but it's never unbearable. It's never in the teens. Because that shit is crazy and meant for Minnesota.

I return you back to your feed readers now where real writers are finding other things to talk and/or complain about beside the weather. Until Monday, I have no motivation to rise above the urge to bitch. 

I still love you 2010. I know you had no part in this. Let's blame Jon Gosselin or Canada or something.

Comments

[stephanie]

Ok, I'm freezing over here in Aledo too! My Dad just called and told me to leave a faucet barely running inside the house so the pipes dont freeze, WTH? If my pipes freeze I'm gonna freak out!

Vodka is a very good source of warmth.

[april]

We have a similar problem in Florida -- what the heck? How is it in the 30s (wind chill in the low 20s) in Tampa?!?

[Maggie]

I'm planning on wearing a Snuggie to work tomorrow if this ridiculous freezing, biting, devil wind won't stop.

[Sahara]

Abnormal weather is the pits. I live in Oregon and whenever it snows (rarely) the whole town shuts down because we don't have proper snow crews to deal with it--we just have to wait for it to melt, basically. But then many, many houses here (especially the older ones, natch) don't have air conditioning. So if it gets up in the 90s in the summer, people start moaning and groaning about that. I grew up in Kansas with a tightwad dad who never turned the A/C on at all so I feel like I can take the heat but even here am just COLD all winter long.

But I did notice that you crossed making cinnamon buns off your list, so I guess not all is lost. :)

[Candy]

Same here in North Florida. They are rumoring SNOW this week. In Florida.

That is all.

[Sahara]

Also, Kyle's Christmas morning outfit makes him look like the baby (Toby? Tobey?) in the movie Labyrinth. I actually sought out pj's like that for my firstborn for Halloween. SO CUTE.

[Jess]

I totally agree with you. It's irrelevant whether or not it's colder here in Denver because we chose to live in Colorado with full awareness that sometimes it gets cold here in the winter. You chose to live in Texas with full awareness that Texas is the land of year-round summer. You've been thwarted! And I am sorry.

[Amanda]

Same here! I'm in Houston and dude...way.too.cold. I have a 15 month old and we put socks on him at night also and he also pulls them off and feet freeze. Our two story has a smaller heater upstairs where all the bedrooms are, so when its super cold like this we have to crank up the heat downstairs to hope it filters upstairs. So in other words, totally ridic. I feel ya..we are freezin down here in Houston also!

[Cass]

I don't know what's going on with the weather in the United States right now. Texas & Florida are freezing and snow is abundant while here in Seattle we're a balmy 50 and just rainy right now. Yes, rain in Seattle is the norm but we're not usually this warm.

[Hillary]

Florida is the same right now ... and our Ohio relatives have no sympathy.

[maggie]

We used to visit Dallas once a year to visit family. My only memory, really, is walking out of the airport and into a face-slamming furnace. The unbearable heat has pretty much defined Texas for me- I can't even IMAGINE the teens!

[Pickles & Dimes]

I can't imagine living somewhere where you don't expect it to be cold; that's worse than living here in MN, where it's the norm and you just deal with it, you know?

That said, I am positively looking forward to Sunday, when it's supposed to be 20 degrees. I won't even need to wear mittens!

[Jane]

Yep, I expect it to be cold as much as it stinks... I have a furnace, 2 fireplaces and efficient insulation. Plus winter coats... oh, and a baby furnace in my tummy... so not complaining... I feel sorry for the poor people that live in MN but are vacationing in Florida right now... oh and I feel sorry for Kyle's poor toes too!

[Dolli-Mama]

I agree with you! We moved to Texas this year from Virginia, and I am seriously dissapointed in the winter. Where is the heat? Where is the sun?

[Mrs. D]

"a polar bear once complained about the weather in your town." - hahahahaha! It's so silly how competitive we get about weather. Every time I say something like, "Man we got 18 feet of snow today," my mom is all, "Well, it's negative 17 outside and TOO COLD TO SNOW."

Hope you get some warmth in the very near future!

[Holly]

Oh man, our heater is broken in our house right now (so we have this totally ridiculous space heater in the meantime) which means we are pretty much rocking Mike's Christmas morning outfit 24-7. Even though I like the cold, I am NOT a fan of having it permeate my living space, at all.

[Kristie]

I'm inclined to think that Global Warming is not real at all. The weather is MAD CRAZY. P.S., I won't be offended if you bring me a shot of vodka.

[Heather]

Vodka's really the only thing that'll do the trick!