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    "I used to fear this life, this suburban mortgage and white fence and a baby on my hip. I want more, I used to think. I wanted Spain and novels and wild loves and adventures.

    I met your dad and instantly wanted you."

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Sunday, August 29, 2010

You

IMG_5598 

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I go over and over in my head all my mistakes, all the times I kissed the wrong boy or said the wrong thing or chose self-destruction over choosing better or decided to scream and stomp instead of acting like an adult or did a million other things I can't speak of and I wonder to myself -- with all those mistakes, all those missteps, all that stumbling around in life and love -- how on earth I managed to make you. 

Yet here you are.

Here you are.

Posted at 02:44 AM in Kyle, Parenthood |

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Comments

AmyB

OOF.

The amazing thing is that all those wrong mistakes are what LED you to Mike, which led you to this amazing little boy and the wonderful life you're living today. Makes it hard to get made at yourself for making mistakes when you think about that way, huh?

Posted by: AmyB | Sunday, August 29, 2010 at 10:29 AM

Sara @ Belle Plaine

Ditto what AmyB said.

And look at that tow-headed little boy! What happened to the BABY??? How fast they grow.

Posted by: Sara @ Belle Plaine | Monday, August 30, 2010 at 12:26 AM

She Likes Purple

Sara, I KNOW. Doesn't it kill you how old he looks?

Posted by: She Likes Purple | Monday, August 30, 2010 at 12:36 AM

Heather

My oh my. I don't think I would have completely understood this post until April 18th of this year. And realizing that despite all my faults, all my bad person moments, *I* was chosen to be the person that Rylynne feels safe enough and loved by enough to fall asleep in my arms each and every night, and smile at each and every morning. And man, life is good.

Posted by: Heather | Monday, August 30, 2010 at 12:40 PM

Marie Green

Sometimes, when I think of all the work, commitment, and devotion keeping my 3 kids alive has taken, I'm in SHOCK that we've done it. It seems... so miraculous that we've managed to keep these girls safe from danger... not only safe, but thriving, happy, clothed, fed, etc.

There really are no words for accurately describing parenthood.

Posted by: Marie Green | Monday, August 30, 2010 at 01:28 PM

auntie

Oy. He's SUCH a cutie.

Posted by: auntie | Monday, August 30, 2010 at 05:42 PM

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  • Secrets
    You’re only as unique as the secrets you keep. Go do something good. Go do something evil. In solitude and love, it’s beyond good and evil. Go do these things and tell no one. Let them quicken the throb of your heart and the pace of your blood and, as you become your own poem, watch who you become. People will see it in your eyes—not the content of your secrets—but the fact that you have secrets, that you know and have seen secret things. They will love you and hate you, want to possess and destroy you.

My Very Grand 2012 To-Do List

  • 1. Create a business plan for the 5K I'd like to organize.
    2. Finally buy those investment jeans.
    3. Get brave with a new hair color.
    4. Read all my book club selections.
    5. Make Kyle's baby blanket and book of letters.
    6. Take at least one yoga class a month.
    7. Make a neighborhood friend.
    8. Organize the upstairs work space.
    9. Go to the Fort Worth Modern Art Museum and eat lunch at Cafe Modern.
    10. Write and submit a piece on parenting.
    11. PR in every distance (5K, 10K, half-marathon).
    12. Get a third tattoo.
    13. Throw a baby shower.
    14. Take a trip with Mike, to celebrate our fifth anniversary.
    15. See a therapist.
    16. Update my SS card and passport.
    17. Make a general doctor's appointment.
    18. Go horseback riding.
    19. Decide what to do with my race bibs.
    20. Make these envelopes for thank you cards.
    21. Create and fill up a magical thinking jar.
    22. Paint some mason jars for our kitchen.
    23. Do something with the space above our couch.
    24. Create a nostalgia wall on the wall by our stairs.
    25. Sneak in cans of champagne to a chick flick with friends.
    26. Replace our kitchen counters.
    27. Have a garage sale and donate half the money to our local food bank.
    28. Create an address wreath for our front door.
    29. Paint our front door.
    30. Run at least 250 miles throughout the year.
    31. Find a charity that speaks to me, that I can become a voice for.
    32. Say something out loud every day.
    33. Go back to College Station.
    34. Pose for a boudoir session.
    35. Wear pretty new under things on New Year's Day.
    36. Enjoy Boston cream pie cupcakes.
    37. Host a more organized run at this year's Blathering.
    38. Take a family trip, even if it's just a weekend drive somewhere nearby.
    39. Hold Natalie's baby boy in the hospital.
    40. Create an Activities Advent Calendar for an early month in 2012.
    41. Create my Christmas Plan by November 1st.
    42. Create a media kit for my Lush sites.
    43. Replace our stockings for 2012.
    44. Buy a tree skirt.
    45. Go to kickboxing, at least five times.
    46. Sell 50 shirts through Cherry Jean.
    47. Finish the 6-week boot camp class I've already paid for.
    48. No phone or computer between 6 pm - Kyle's bedtime.
    49. Start marathon prep.
    50. Host a champagne-inspired dinner (champagne risotto, champagne cocktails, etc.)
    51. Do something with our front porch.
    52. Take Kyle on a night out of town, just us two.
    53. Eat at Salsa Fuego, in Fort Worth.
    54. Throw Mike a very rad 35th birthday party.
    55. Re-read To Kill a Mockingbird.
    56. Post on She Likes Purple at least 3x a week.
    57. Play poker.
    58. Volunteer at a race.
    59. Karaoke, at least once!
    60. Regularly work out the month of December.
    61. Write a fictional story (here, on paper, submitted, somehow).
    62. Hit send on a hard email.
    63. Host an outdoor movie night in our yard.
    64. Wear a swimsuit.
    65. Put a new pin in our wall map.
    66. Buy a great pair of impractical heels.
    67. See Beauty & the Beast in a theater, again.
    68. See the Nutcracker, Christmas season 2012.
    69. Run 15 miles, at some point.
    70. Get a new blender and food processor.
    71. Go to the ballet.
    72. Take professional family photos.
    73. Write a letter to Mike once a month.
    74. Do 10 real push-ups and one pull-up.
    75. Run 3 miles for my 30th birthday.
    76. Create an awesome headboard.