I do this thing (maybe you do it too) where at the end of most days as I drift off to sleep, I survey all the things I didn't get done on that day's to-do list. Every day, there's something left un-crossed-off and those are the things I focus on at the end of most days.
I didn't do the laundry (again). I didn't buy more checks (for another week in a row). I didn't email that potential Style Lush sponsor. SHIT, THE WATER BILL. (Small Texas city, can you please embrace auto-draft bills already?) I also didn't paint those mason jars even though I bought those mason jars IN 2011 OMG JENNIE JUST PAINT THOSE MASON JARS ALREADY.
It's probably that I have too long a to-do list but it's also probably that there aren't enough hours in the day and then there's also the DVR I like to spend time with. Still, all the good reasons (and good TV) in all the world don't stop me from focusing on the un-crossed-off things on my list at the end of each day.
I am a perfectionist who will never be (close to) perfect, and no matter how easy it is to type that, it's impossible to swallow. It's easy to focus on what I don't get done on any given day, and it's just as easy to lose sight of everything else.
This past weekend, we drove a few hours south to spend time with our new niece. She was a week old, that delicious tiny baby, and I could have snuggled her for days on end. In fact, we did little else this weekend than lounge on the couch, watch Kyle play with his new train track on the hardwood floor and snuggle this new person who will one day be playing with her own toys on the hardwood floor but for the weekend just slept in our arms.
Kyle loved her -- "look at baby Ava!" -- and I loved her and Mike loved her and it's really beautiful to see a family grow and I don't mean that in the technical way, but it's just really beautiful to see hearts expand to welcome more people into the world.
Most days I kick myself over all I didn't get done (THE LAUNDRY, THE WATER BILL, MY GOD, THOSE MASON JARS) and then some days I lounge on a couch all weekend, snuggling a new baby I get to spoil rotten without every worrying about the ramifications of that spoiling while watching my sweet boy play on the floor and I think...I didn't accomplish a single thing this entire day and yet this day is one of the days I'll conjure up first when I begin conjuring up perfect days.
But sometimes life is.