My Vegan Summer is no more. I could list a dozen reasons why this wasn't the right time for an experiment that requires a lot of thought and planning, both of which I don't seem to have or be able to make right now, but, in short, I was eating far crappier than I was a few short months ago. This is because I would get so hungry, I'd just allow myself to overeat, even if I was only eating hummus and chips. I was exhausted, all the time, because I wasn't eating the right foods, and forget about good work-outs. I'd run a mile and want to collapse. I also had these little bruises all over my body, which might not be related, but certainly could be.
Now, I'm not blaming a vegan diet on any of this, not at all, but on my own shortcomings in tackling this diet the right way. This is a really hardcore lifetsyle, and one I respect quite a lot, truly, but it's just not one I can swing right now.
Anyway, maybe one day (maybe one day soon, even) but not right now. This feels like the Summer of Fail, which sucks, I hate quitting things, but I also hate being miserable and feeling like the work isn't worth the reward, so I'm trying to focus on quitting as a good thing (for now).
Weight-loss and health is some tough shit, hate to be a foul-mouthed Master of the Obvious, but as soon as I have a big breakthrough on something, I have a day (or week?) of screw-ups and poor choices. It can certainly feel like a constant dance of two steps foward, two steps back, I'M RIGHT WHERE I STARTED, can't it? I wonder if that ever gets easier or better or less of a struggle?
I've talked ad naseum about all this, both from the frustrated stance of someone stuck in a rut of bad habits to the celebratory stance of someone who's Rocking It, and sometimes I'm both those people in the same week. My archives are just bursting with my thoughts on my thighs, and, trust me, it's just as annoying to write one more post on the subject as it is to read one more post, but that's kind of the point, right? I mean, it IS annoying, but it's also a universal annoyance. One so many of us experience, and so many of us need to let ourselves off the hook for.
We're all losing weight and gaining it, trying to figure out the magic trick that works best for our individual souls and our individiaul asses.
Sometimes we're frustrated and sometimes we Rock It.
Sometimes we quit and sometimes we soar.
If we can't be real about the one, celebrating the other is far less sweet.