I don't often look at my stats for a few reasons but mostly because I think it messes with my head a little too much. If I'm having a light-traffic day I rack my head trying to think of why I'm losing readers. If I'm having a record-high day the pressure to keep the new readers around is daunting. I just think it misses the mark on why I do this, so I stopped reviewing my stats on a regular basis a while back. But every now and again I do look at them if only to see what search phrases are bringing people to my site. AND OH MY LORD, THIS IS SUCH A FUN PAST TIME.
To share the weirdness with you, here you are:
"drinking fresca when pregnant"---First, I must talk about drinking Fresca and getting pregnant far too often and, second, I can't be sure, but I think it's bad. Something about the aspartame? One of you more knowledgeable women care to chime in?
"Where's the party at bitch"---I can't get over how hilarious I find this. This may be my favorite search phrase ever to show up in my stats. Google is like this person's abused sidekick.
"turbokick cheat sheet round 29"---Oh, I wish I could have helped you. The only cheating I ever did in kickboxing was not breathing deeply when advised to because, you know, I couldn't breathe at all.
"www.she is gone to kick myass."---I don't know what hurts my head worse, trying to decipher what this means or realizing this horribly constructed search phrase brought someone to MY SITE.
"bachelor watch shane wears fun"---Seriously, why did the entire INTERNET skip its typing class freshman year of high school?
"I love purple because"---The answers are endless, I know, making it hard to fill in that blank with just one word or phrase. I understand. I DO.
"naked vacation photos"---I like that someone added "vacation" to their naked photos search. As if seeing naked people isn't enough, THEY WANT TO SEE NAKED PEOPLE AT DISNEYLAND OR ON BEACHES OR BACKPACKING THROUGH EUROPE.
"I LOVE DAVID COOK!!!!!"---First, why search this phrase? Did you find what you were looking for? I can't imagine you did since you clicked your way over to me. Disappointed, I bet. He is dreamy though, I'll give you that much.
"She likes to go naked in the street"---I think I talk about being naked too much as well. This has opened my eyes on topics to avoid for a while.
"How soon is too soon to say I love you"---If you have to ask Google, IT'S TOO SOON.
"Purple breathing"---I. Just. Don't. Know.
And, finally:
"Orgasm too peachy"---Is this a problem? Does this person want their orgasms to be less pleasant? Less peachy? Listen, if your orgasms are peachy, get off the computer and attend to them!