...if you're going to BlogHer (or, even if you're not and just happen to run into me next week in Target).
(Oh, and this was totally inspired by Rhi.)
1) I go by Jennie. My name is Jennifer and I sign off as Jennifer—mostly professionally—but it's Jennie. It's always been. Only my father and credit card companies actually call me Jennifer. (I also like Jen.)
2) I trip a lot. If you see me tripping, I'm not drunk. I, sadly, won't be drunk at all next weekend. But I will most likely fall or trip or knock something important over. Hopefully it won't be you.
3) I'll be around 9 weeks pregnant. So, please, no variations of: "But you look at least five months along!" or "Oh, I can already see the bump!" Let's be real here, the bump is fat I can suck in no longer. Reminding me of that (sad) fact will not make me want to give you my drink tickets.
4) Oh, yes! I'll have extra drink tickets! A few of which have already been promised to Heather B. but there should be more, so who wants them?
5) I talk really fast when I get nervous. Stop me if you don't understand a word coming out of my mouth.
6) One of my BlogHer roommates is Mike's ex-girlfriend. It's an odd friendship, WE KNOW, but there you have it. Ask me anything you want about the situation or just read this.
7) I used to stay up until all hours of the night JUST BECAUSE. I had things to write, people to Google, old One Tree Hill episodes to get wrapped up in, but now? Well, sadly, everything I do revolves around the next time I can sleep. I hope to get a burst of energy next weekend and be able to hang with all you non-knocked-up wild children. Please don't judge me or mock me or whisper frantically about me if I stumble out of a cocktail party at 9pm hollering for "MY BED! GET ME MY BED!" I hope this doesn't happen but am I sure it won't? HA! HAAAAA!
8) I have horrible vision. HORRIBLE. I will be wearing my glasses most of the weekend (so hot) but if I don't have them on, and I look like I'm glaring or ignoring or avoiding you, I assure you I'm not. I JUST CAN'T SEE YOU. Unless I am glaring or avoiding or ignoring, and then, well, I'm sure you deserved it. Did you mention the bump? You must have.
9) I DO NOT SMALL TALK WELL. My sorority would be so proud.
10) I sometimes—every now and again when talking fast and failing at small talk—mispronounce simple-to-pronounce words. Such as premise. If this happens, can you maybe not blog about it?
11) When my feet hurt, I just take off my shoes. I don't care how dirty the floors (or streets) are, and you're allowed to judge me for this, but it will not stop me from kicking off my strappy heels and throwing them into my purse and GOING ALONG WITH MY LIFE. I took off my shoes at a concert ages ago and some random concert-goer yelled over, "That's disgusting. Do you know what you're walking on right now?" And I said, "Dirt and cigarette ash and stale beer probably. All of which is easier to wash off then blood." I still believe that.
12) In case you forget to ask, this is what "my blog is about": VERY EFFING LITTLE.
I hope to see you there, really. I hope I'm awake, also.