I was planning a summer vacation -- Alaska? Italy? a New England tour? a Mexican cruise? oh, the options were endless, and I was having such fun planning, too -- but this morning, my car stopped reversing. I don't know how much you know about cars, but I'd say that's not good. Along with gas in the tank and insurance, reversing and accelerating are pretty damn important for a successful drive. The vacation is shelved, the finances that were looking slightly robust after taking Kyle out of daycare and our end-of-the-year bonuses are now looking stretched thin, again.
2009 has been a very hard year for us financially, although I know this has been a much harder year for so many more. We had a baby, bought a house (did you know down payments aren't merely a suggestion for some of us? annoying) and had to buy new appliances and furniture for that house. Also, daycare. If I told you what we spent on daycare for 4 days a week (not even a full five!), your mouths would hit the floor. That would hurt, so I won't say how much. I'll just say it was a whole helluva lot, and I'll also say it was very nearly a second mortgage.
I was feeling better, on top of things, good, even, and then this. It's hard not to spiral into a "why me?" fit, even though so many others are looking down the barrel of a holiday season without gifts at all, without a job, without insurance. We're lucky! I know this! I'm grateful! But, my car doesn't reverse! That just sucks! (Also, I bet you're laughing a little because everyone I've told today so far has laughed even when I asked them really nicely not to. It's a funny predicament, I suppose, but LET'S ALL LAUGH WHEN WE HAVE A NEW CAR, OK?) (Also, do you have a car you'd like to part with in exchange for cookies? a needy dog, even?) (Kidding, Molly.) (Unless, the car in question is super nice.)
I was really looking forward to our summer trip. Mike and I haven't gotten away, just the two of us, in so long. We're lucky to get lots of date nights and to travel (with friends, with Kyle) often enough, too. But just us? It's been so long. I really think we need it, too, especially after such a hard year. (It has been the best year of our lives, but I'd say the most stressful and hardest, too.)
I struggle with jealousy, and I get really, ridiculously envious when I know of people who've traveled the world and been to the places I most want to go to. I hate that at 27 I haven't been to any of the other 6 continents or more than three countries. I wanted to make this happen, this fun, romantic, adventure.
It can't happen, at least not for a while, and we're still so lucky -- with our home and our health and our baby and our marriage all in tact -- but can't a girl just wallow for the things that are lost sometimes? I have everything in the world I need. Now, if only I could get out there and see the world sometime, too.