She Likes Purple

Seven Quick Takes: Books, Halloween, Gift Guides, (Belated) Belize

Wow, I've been neglectful. Let's catch up.

1. I've been on a reading kick lately, in hopes I would beat last year's record of reading 28 books. And I did! So I'm now pushing for 35. (I realize 35 books is a drop in the literary bucket for most, but it's such a big deal for me.) And, hey! If you want to see what I've been reading (so much YA), I keep my Goodreads page and Facebook page updated. 

Any books you've loved this year? 

2. Mike's been traveling a lot this year--so much I've lost count of how many actual trips he's taken and this is after basically taking five total work trips the entire eight years before--so I told him during his last two weeks away, "Dude, I love you, and I know you have to be gone as much as you're gone, and we're fine at home, really, but you have got to take me away soon, just us." 

So, for my birthday, we're going to Broken Bow, Oklahoma, to hang out in a cabin for a couple days and do nothing but sleep and drink and read and then take a few naps. (Kyle's staying with his Nana because he doesn't value sleep as much as we do. It's his only character flaw.)

You may think Oklahoma is a strange mini-vacation destination, but loooooook:

We're staying here.

I can't wait.

3. Kyle was a dragon for Halloween, and in case you want to be absolutely terrified*, here are a few photos. 

*He had been practicing roaring all week, and was totally proud of how loud and scary his roars were. I told him to go ahead and roar at one of the houses, and he looked at me in shock and said, "No, no, mom, I don't want to scare them!" Like, lord woman, where's your soul at?

4. Podcasts! I'm sure you've heard of Serial, the podcast that's made my Thursday morning commutes, strangely, one of my favorite times of the week. I've tried to find other podcasts that can keep me as engaged and distracted from the traffic jams I routinely sit in, but nothing comes quite close. 

Any podcasts you love and can recommend? (And I'm up for all kinds--business, finance, true crime, travel, whatever.)

5. I don't know if you remember Style Lush and Food Lush, two sites I co-managed for a few years. One thing I always looked forward to during the life of those sites was our annual gift guide.

The uniquely wonderful and lovely Caitlin has carried on the gift guide tradition on her newly launched blog, and it made me endlessly happy to peruse so many gifts. I'm probably buying this, this, and these for myself.

Check out her 2014 gift guide!

6. This is very old news, but I was honored to write a guest post a few months ago for a favorite local Belize blog, San Pedro Scoop. (I devoured this site during time researching our trip earlier this year.) I wrote about why we chose Belize, especially when there are so many other tropical destinations to choose from these days.

7. This is another old reading recommendation, but oh how I loved Leighton Meester's op-ed titled I'm Not A Tart, about her experience in the Broadway role of Curley's wife in Of Mice and Men. I always did like Blair best.

Wall Map Project

Forever ago I posted on Style Lush about wanting to hang a wall map in 2010, and, phew, we hung that sucker on December 30th.

I got the antique wall map from Maps.com and Mike gave me map pins for Christmas. Mike's dad mounted the map onto corkboard and framed it for me.

Mike hung it for me while I sat on the couch. 

I like him.

We have the thing color coded: red pins for where we've been together, black pins for the places I've been, and white for the places Mike has been.

The map matching our wall was just a nice coincidence.

Activity Advent Calendar ... Activities

I told someone -- or multiple someones, more likely -- I'd post the activities I included in my Activity Advent Calendar weeks ago. Oops!

Christmas has come and gone but if you're a mega-planner, you can jot these down for next year:

1. Make cinnamon ornaments
2. Send out Christmas cards
3. Christmas music dance party!
4. Hang stockings
5. Let Kyle pick out a new ornament
6. Cookies to co-workers
7. Buy a Christmas book
8. Decorate the tree
9. Make a card for grandparents (which we (unfortunately!) didn't get to)
10. Buy coffee for a stranger
11. Create a tree topper and let Kyle hang it
12. Send cookies to a friend/new mom
13. Wrap gifts
14. Cookies to friends
15. Watch a Christmas movie
16. Look at lights
17. Visit Santa
18. Finish Kyle's baby blanket (I hate to say this didn't get done. His birthday is the new goal!)
19. Drink hot chocolate
20. Wear Christmas pjs*

I'm looking forward to next year already.

*Christmas pjs that I scored at Hanna Anderson the day before Christmas Eve for less than $20. Regularly: a whole lot more! Braving the bitter, angry mall crowds paid off. (Oh, and here's Kyle in last year's Christmas pjs for no other reason than JUST LOOK AT THAT BABY! His hair is sure getting blonder.)

2010

(2007, 2008, 2009)

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

I ran. I ran a lot.

I also went to Comic-Con, went to the movies and ate in a restaurant alone for the first ever, visited Boston, took a cooking class, launched a food blog, saw Greenday in concert.

Lots more, too.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I did a pretty good job, I'd say. Although there are lots more ways I can kick ass in 2011.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Mike's cousin and half the internet too.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No. (Phew.)

5. What countries did you visit?

The U.S. of A. (Annnnd, that's it.)

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you didn't have in 2010?

I'd like to have a cause. I'd like to take it up a notch. I'd like to have more: laughter, fun, ease, and calm.

7. What dates from 2010 will be etched upon your memory, and why?

February 5th (Kyle's first birthday), March 27th (my first 5K), November 7th (my first 10K), and that day in March when I stepped on the scale and had finally reached my pre-pregnancy weight, nearly two years after getting pregnant.

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?

I made it.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I got too upset/stressed/worried/agitated/crazy too often.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

The flu (once), the stomach flu (once), and food poisioning (once).

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Plane tickets. I never, ever, ever regret traveling.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

I'm going to say Jonna for many reasons including (but certainly not limited to) offering her house up to Mike and me so we could take our first adults-only, child-free vacation. We had the most incredible time -- I keep calling it our second honeymoon, and it really was -- and it would have been impossible to make that trip happen without her. (Hotel costs in Boston are RIDICULOUS OMG.)

Not only that, though, she was more than a hostess, she was a gracious, warm, hilarious, welcoming friend.

Mike loves her and Adam on a level reserved for family.

(I do too.)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

People whose behavior is THAT bad don't get much of my headspace anymore.

14. Where did most your money go?

Bills. Daycare. Our adults-only New England vacation.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

So much!

Something that hasn't been said yet this recap, though: my surprise trip to Portland to visit Cherie. Man, from start to finish that trip kicked ass and it was such an unexpected and much-needed gift to me.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Mumford & Son's "The Cave"

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

Happier: yes
Thinner: yes
Richer: yes (in countless ways)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Eat better (and wholer) foods.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Worrying and knee-jerkingly reacting to stress.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Mike, Kyle, my mom, and I went to New Braunfels to spend the holiday with Mike's family. It was nice although that many people (and kids) in one house can make you crave a little silence by day three, but, still: Family, a million presents, a million calories in the form of carbs, champagne, and chocolate? Not too shabby.

21. Did you fall in love with 2010?

I fell in love with running. 

(Who am I?)

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Friday Night Lights. If you're not watching it, I hate you. (Sorry, the end of the show is near and I AM BITTER.)

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

See answer above.

24. What was the best book you read?

I loved the Hunger Games series and finishing it made me blue for days, but I also loved One Day and Her Fearful Symmetry.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Mumford & Sons

26. What did you want and get?

A vacation with Mike.

27. What did you want and not get?

Investment jeans. I was looking forward to those suckers.

28. What was your favorite film of 2010?

Apparently movies were not-so good this year because I can't think of one!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 28 very early this year and, quite honestly, my birthday wasn't so great. Mike threw his back out and spent most of my day in bed. I did have a party a few weeks later and that was fun.

(But, hey!, my birthday is a week from today so here's to 29 being AWESOME.)

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Same answere as past years: that elusive winning lottery ticket!

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2009?

"I'm getting there."

32. What kept you sane?

You (all of you) and Gossip Girl and running and my blonde-headed crazy kid and Mike and champagne and baking and music and Natalie and so so so much more.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

Why on earth are rights for gay men and women still up for debate? I genuinely don't get this. It's 2010, right? I'm not confused about that? And yet we're still confused about what basic rights human beings deserve?

It's infuriating.

34. Who did you miss?

Noah, my lives-all-the-way-up-in-Canada nephew. (Flights to Canada are stupid expensive.)

35. Who was the best new person you met?

I met Jonna! (And a ton of other awesome bloggers at BlogHer '10.)

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

Guilt is a horrible motivator. Leave it out of relationships and ignore it when someone else tries to bring it in. Do things and spend time with people because you're moved to and not because you think they'll gossip about you if you don't.

Take a ton of pictures. Write a ton of shit down. Celebrate every little thing that makes you happy. Eat, wear, travel, watch, and read things you enjoy. Be kind. Be confident. Give the benefit of the doubt but don't be a doormat.

Choose to be happy.

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

A shout-out to my crazy, beautiful, hilarious, sweet-hearted, lovable, adorable kiddo:

"In an unreliable world you shine like a star." (From Mat Kearney's "Undeniable")

Truth is, very little makes sense in life except for this: I love that kid and I love that kid's father. 

The end.

***

2010 was something. Here's to 2011 being something else.

Merry Christmas, Baby!

Mike and I got so romantic this Christmas, you're going to pee yourselves when I tell you what we bought each other. It's almost not suitable for sharing online.

Drumroll...

Nightstands!

I like to think he bought mine and I bought his, just to make it a little less domestically lame.

(But really I bought them both.)

We needed nightstands, though, and I even added "buy nightstands!" to my year to-do list* because in our current house we've been using vintage, falling-apart side tables and in our last house Mike stacked two stools on top of each other while I used an old filing cabinet.

Grown-ups do not stack stools on top of each other. You can quote me on that.

***

*I've moved my to-do list for the year over to another section of my blog, where it will stay forever. I'm making room for my new list, to be unveiled soon(ish).

Discover A New Artist/Band Each Month

From my sidebar list.

January: Eric Hutchinson. Listen to: "OK, It's Alright With Me," "All Over Now" & "Rock N Roll"

February: Denison Witmer. Listen to: "Life Before Aesthetics"

March: Tristan Prettyman. Listen to: "Always Feel This Way" & "Simple As It Should Be"

April:  Patrick Park. Listen to: "Something Pretty"

May: Boyce Avenue.

June: The New Amsterdams. Listen to: "Turn Out the Light"

July: Leona Naess. Listen to: "Ballerina" & "Leave Your Boyfriends Behind"

August: Mumford & Sons. Listen to: ALL OF IT.

September: Bon Iver. Listen to: "Skinny Love," "Flume" & "Blindsided"

October: Johnny Flynn. Listen to: "Leftovers," "The Box" & "Tickle Me Pink"

November: The Shins. Listen to: A bunch of it. I'm the last to discover this band, aren't I?

Deceomber: Band of Horses. Listen to: "The Funeral"

***

Honorable mentions; songs: Kate Nash's "Nicest Thing," Mat Kearney's "Undeniable" & Sia's "I'm In Here"

***

What have been your favorite songs/artists this year?

What To Do In Fort Worth: Scat Jazz Lounge

If you were in the middle of planning your next vacation, you'd probably not include Fort Worth, Texas on your short list. Now, I could lilst a dozen or so reasons why you should (including: you could see me!), but my bias might show as it's never going to be as cool as Chicago or have as much to offer as Boston. But it's my closest big city, and I really do love it.

I've already decided 2011 is going to be the year I do a few big things -- relax more, try to save a significant amount of money, run a half-marathon, and, well, become well-versed in my city.

I'm adding a lot of things to my list next year to do around the area -- things I would recommend to you if you ever did come visit but, also, things I've never actually done myself. Lame, right?

One thing I never knew I wanted to do and will now recommend to anyone with ears is to go to the Scat Jazz Lounge in downtown Fort Worth.

We went over the weekend because it was my mother-in-law's birthday and she had always wanted to go to a jazz lounge. I found the place by just poking around the internet -- how I usually find things for good or bad -- and I was so delighted because it was just the kind of place I wanted to take her. 

I made reservations, although you don't need them. It did get us a front-row table, though, which was really nice, especially for my mother-in-law.

You get to Scat by walking down an alley and then taking an elevator down to the club. It felt very speak easy-ish, which was fun and also made me wish I had worn something other than a plain old sweater and jeans.

I also wish I had ordered a dirty martini or a sidecar instead of a champagne cocktail. Next time.

It was just great, and I'm glad we went and I'm also glad couple at the next table went, the ones who got up multiple times to swing dance in front of us. They inspired me to add "take a swing dance class" to my list, too.

November Recap

Wait, it's December? What? Are you SURE? Wow, time, you're certainly not messing around this year.

November was great. I ran 6.2 straight miles for the first time in 28 years. I was met at the finish line by my mom and a glass of beer. If all races end like that, I can support long-distance running.

But even checking off that awesome accomplishment, I'm still struggling to reach my goal weight. When I do, I'm throwing the world's best party. The theme is going to be: Check Out My Ass. Or, Champagne's On Me! I think I know which theme Mike would prefer.

Thanksgiving was awesome.

Kyle is a talking, walking, crazy little boy.

Other things I totally forgot to tell you about:

*Kyle had a playdate with a little boy from school. I put a note in his cubby at school to try to desperately befriend his mom. She emailed! We met up! She's one of those cool, laid-back moms I hope to be one day. We also met at a really cool park I'd never taken Kyle to before, which rates right up there with lamest things I've ever deemed blog-worthy.

*I hung out (TWICE!) with an old friend from middle school! She lives nearby and has a little boy, and we had a playdate once and a nice dinner out sans kids once. She's hilarious, too, which is always preferable to friends who don't ever make me laugh.

*We drove up to Tulsa for a weekend to celebrate Turkey Day early with my grandma. There were four adults and a toddler and there was enough food to feed a football team. She's such a great cook, and it was warm and fuzzy having her cook for me and for my kid, too.

*Our heater broke. That sucked.

December is here and right after that 2011 is waiting for us. It's such a weird time of year. The time of year I'm all reflect, reflect, reflect, plan, plan, plan. It's like emotional whiplash! But, this year, it's nice, too. Because there's a lot of good to reflect on and a lot of good to plan for. And a lot of good smack-dab right now to just enjoy.

December is going to be insane, from now until it closes.

If you've been hanging around long enough, you'll know insane is a setting I'm rather comfortable with.

Happy last month of 2010.

#26: Check!

Hop on over to Style Lush for my handmade advent calendar reveal (and go easy on this crafting newbie). It's a little different than I originally planned, but I love how it turned out and the motivation behind it.

There are a few envelopes that still need to be filled up with Christmas activities. Any suggestions?

Turkeys, Vomiting, Other Things, Blah Blah

There's a stomach bug in my house and I won't give it a moment's more attention than that. Vomiting sucks. The end.

I also refuse to even entertain the idea that this bug could keep us from our Thanksgiving plans -- a nice meal with nice family -- but if it does, we'll still have dessert (mini Oreo-pumpkin cheesecakes and apple pie) and mashed potatoes since those are the items we're responsible for bringing.

We also went to Tulsa this past weekend for an early celebration with my grandma, and that was such a nice way to kick off the week, disgusting germs and dozens of dirty towels waiting for us upon our return be damned.

So, I'm grateful for either my deep denial or my impressive optimism, depends on how you look at it.

***

In other, random news, I got this wild, crazy idea last night to get rid of all the clothes I don't like. I think A'Dell mentioned doing this a while ago and I thought, I should do that too. Why do I own clothes I don't get excited about wearing? That's crazy! If there's one thing that should absolutely adhere to the "quality not quantity" way-of thinking, it's our wardrobe, I think. Or, at least, a very good portion of it. So, I filled two trash bags of things to donate to someone who may love green Old Navy shirts from 87 seasons ago more than I do. Felt fantastic!

Now....who wants to buy me loads of clothes for my birthday?

***

I don't think I'm going to make a few of my year goals. Specifically: buy investment jeans (I really don't want to invest in jeans I don't plan to fit into in twenty pounds), read 20 books (I'm on #12, and I just don't think I can cram eight more into a little over a month. I am not Elizabeth.), learn to drive a stick (NO ONE WILL LEND ME THEIR CAR TO LEARN ON!), and NOT meeting these goals is screwing with my head a little bit. Not too much, just a little.

A whole year and I couldn't get some of these things checked off?

(UGH!)

But, I'm already looking forward to scratching them off in 2011. I will not give up! Even if my organized Capricorn brain is exploding having list items without lines drawn through them. I'm also looking to next year and what I want to do. One thing: OWN COWBOY BOOTS. I live in Texas. It's really time.

Anyway, I have to constantly remind myself that perfection isn't necessarily the goal here (or anywhere) and that progress and moving forward (even if I take veeeeeeeery tiny steps) is. It's tough! I'm tough on me! But....I'm learning, yo. It's a process.

***

So, in the spirit of progress and not letting misteps screw with the overall goal, I'm officially kicking off my half-marathon training next week and I'm .... terrified. But, excited, too!

A HALF MARATHON, OMG. (I'm not getting that done in 2010 either but February of 2011, instead. A nice way to celebrate having a two-year-old. OMG AGAIN)

***

So, anyway, I hope your Turkey Days are delicious and lovely and there's not an ounce of family drama (or, at least, not an ounce of family drama that can't be fixed with spiked egg nog or wine) and I hope that you get some rest and some time off and some downtime and all the other things holidays should include and that someone else does the dishes and your kids sleep like logs and you catch up on your DVR queues and, mostly, that you get to be with the people you are grateful for and you do the things you are grateful to be able to do and that your favorite teams win and that you're reminded today, tomorrow, always, that life is sweet even if it does its best to make us forget that at times.

AHEM STOMACH BUG AHEM

In short, Happy Thanksgiving to you.

Twenty Stupid Pounds

I went on vacation about a month ago and gained a few (FINE, FIVE) pounds because the combination of being alone with Mike and seeing Jonna and sleeping until 10 a.m. each morning was just intoxicating. I apparently like my drunk-off-life feelings with a heaping side of FOOD.

I came back and ran a 10K, ran some more and some more, and have lost a couple of those pounds but not all, so I still have (about) 20 pounds to lose to reach my goal weight. My initial goal was to lose all the weight this year but 20 pounds in 6 weeks? Probably not going to happen.

And that's okay. So it takes a little longer, no big deal. The actual amount of time it takes to shed all the weight I want to shed doesn't really matter. But.....I'm still frustrated. I'm frustrated because this requires a simple (not easy, there's a big difference) solution and that simple solution is completely and totally in my control. Want to lose 20 pounds? No problem! Here's what YOU have to do in order to accomplish that. No one else can help you but no one else can stop you, either. Go forth and shrink!

Will do! Right after I eat this pizza!

Oh wait.

Anyway, it's also frustrating because I knew this would happen. I knew that my body is far too comfortable at this weight because I've been this weight before and back then it was RIDICULOUSLY TOUGH to get the scale to move even a centimeter. I finally did, all those years and years ago, for my wedding, but fuck that was tough.

I knew it would be tough again, made tougher by aging, which is not kind to your face, your boobs, or your metabolism, you know?

And I could just embrace this weight. I don't think I look particularly bad. I have cute-enough clothes. I could embrace it and move onto a new goal.

Like world domination.

But, I don't want to do that. I really, really, really don't want to do that.

My goal weight isn't unrealistic. It's even slightly above the suggested weight for my height. It's not impossible or only possible through starvation and crazy exercising. This is doable. I can do this. It's as simple as working out just a little more and eating just a little less (and better). YES! I CAN DO THAT!

(If I'd just get out of my own damn way.)

I needed to say all this, I think, because speaking anything out loud (or online) makes it far less scary to tackle, you know? Things grow claws and fangs when they're left to live in your brain alone. So, 20 pounds to go. Sure, that's a lot but it's also a lot less than what I've already lost.

Any encouragement or personal experience or even commiseration is appreciated. Much, much appreciated.

(My investment jeans are just waiting for me!)

My Healthy Weekend

Now, don't let that title fool you too much, especially if you were at dinner with me Saturday night while I gobbled up a cheesy burger with a side of fries. But, this weekend did have a health angle to it, and that turned out to be something I really needed.

First, I FINISHED MY 10K AND RAN THE ENTIRE TIME.

HELL YEAH.

Well, jogged the entire time. Definitely didn't walk any of it. But if you saw me around mile 4.5, the word run might not have popped into your head. My final time was 1:19 and that gives me a nice time to try and beat the next time I run the same distance.

(And there will certainly be a next time.)

It was an incredible accomplishment, and I'm so glad I got to share the day with some of my best friends who ran with me (well, ahead of me) and with my mom who cheered me on from the finish line. The first four miles weren't super easy, but they were quite manageable. The course was nice and flat and easy, which helped. But, those last two miles. HOO BOY. They were rough. I kept hoping my second (third? fourth?) wind would take over and carry me through, but it never came, and I had to dig way down deep to finish.

(And here's where I get super-duper cheesy even though I sort of hate myself for doing so.)

I also thought of writing this post and the thought of being able to write I FUCKING DID IT! I RAN THE WHOLE TIME! was worth pushing through the pain of those last two miles.

So, thank you for motivating me when I needed it most (even if you didn't realize you were doing so) and for virtually cheering me across that line. This space is so healing and so supportive and that's because of you. If it weren't for you, this would just be one step above a word document.

One last time: I FUCKING DID IT! I RAN 6.2 MILES!

***

Then, today, I woke up (really, really ridiculously early, stupid Daylight Savings) and eventually headed out to a gathering put on by Nintendo and The American Heart Association. Brand about Town asked me to co-host this event, and I said sure for a couple reasons: 1) I thought it would be a great opportunity to meet local bloggers I hadn't met yet and 2) I thought it was a nice chance to talk about so many of the things I've learned this year. Namely, how to incorporate healthy living into busy lives.

It was a really nice time, with tasty snacks and a delicious lunch and great speakers talking about the importance of positive thinking for meeting your health goals and also meeting those aforementioned local bloggers I'd been wanting to meet (Erica and Julie, specifically), but it also reminded me of something I've been learning all year and it's this: I'm the only one who can change my own life.

Ultimately, the day was about using some of the Nintendo Wii (Fit, Sport, Resort) products to get healthy (and they are fun and they are easy to use and you can use them right in your own living room, and I think that's great), but it was nice to take away even more than that from the day.

One thing I've learned this year -- especially through running -- is that you have to be nice to yourself in order to get and stay healthy. You can't meet goals and kick ass and take names while telling yourself you're worthless and fat and lazy. And for a very long time, I thought that's what it would take to get my ass off the couch: hating myself. But, no, that never worked, and it's so obvious to me now that the only way to accomplish anything in life is to dig deep whenever the situation presents itself and be nice to myself.

I left the hotel with new friends (and plans to get together with them again) and a refreshing reminder that meeting my health goals and crossing whatever metaphorical finish line is in front of me is only possible if I get out of my own way and let myself rise to the occasion.

***

(I rarely accept free things from anyone, let alone from someone because of this blog, so I don't have a real grasp on the whole DISCLOSURE thing. I could be doing this all wrong, so let's just go with my gut, that hasn't failed me yet: Brand about Town and Nintendo were both kind enough to send me a thank-you package for participating in this event and for inviting some of my contacts to it. I received a Nintendo DS, a Wii game, and a personal training arm-band thing. [That's the official name, I'm sure.]

I wasn't asked to write a post or tweet about my experience, and I wouldn't have if I hadn't been so happy with the way the day turned out. Everyone at the event got a Wii Fit Resorts package, a Nintendo sweatshirt, and a book from one of the speakers.)

October Recap (With a Hefty Side of My Deep Thoughts)

(January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September)

October may have been the fastest month yet. One day we're celebrating Mike's birthday, the next we're failing at Halloween. I just don't know how a conference call can go on forever and a month can fly by like that!

There was so much good this month: a (mostly successful) high school reunion, an incredible vacation with Mike, and then there was Kyle getting sick again, which suuuuuuucked.

A mostly good month with some bad and can I really complain too much about that? I don't think I should even if I could.

November should be great, too. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving and visiting my grandma for a weekend and RUNNING A 10K OMG and cooking more than I did in October and lots of time with friends, too.

But looming on the horizon is 2011 -- can you see it, just a little bit? -- and with a new year comes lots of reflection on my to-do list this year and what I want to do/accomplish/become next year.

There are some things I just plain don't want to do anymore that are on my list this year and those things include: watching The Wire (I'm sorry, I tried), complete a boot camp class, and finish my blogroll. It's okay to change my mind, I'm learning. I usually feel really guilty about this because I want to be a person of my word and I feel whenever I change my mind this makes me unreliable and untrustworthy, which gives me anxiety.

But, if you're being honest in the moment, it's okay if that truth changes, right?

I think so.

I'm taking those things off my list.

But there's something else I'm adding to this year's list and adding to 2011's list, too: RELAX.

The day before we left for Boston we had a million things to do. We had to get Kyle's medical release forms notarized, extra bottles of Tylenol and Aquaphor and Triple Paste purchased, his clothes washed and packed, our clothes washed and packed, the fridge cleaned out, and the recycling taken out and ... hold on, I'm getting tired just reliving it.

We also had to figure out the getting-to-the-airport and getting-Kyle-to-school logistics for the day we were leaving, and when I called Mike to ask him a simple question and he blew me off, I LOST MY MIND.

It's so easy to get wrapped up in our own self-absorbed craziness, isn't it? I mean, getting ready to go on a vacation is not the most stressful situation there ever was. It's not something to freak out about. It's something to celebrate and to enjoy.

In a way, I was glad it happened -- that huge blow-up -- because it brought me back to earth and gave me perspective for the rest of the trip and we enjoyed the hell out of the rest of the trip. It felt like a second honeymoon, truly, and we laughed and ate and drank and slept and I'll be grateful for that week forever.

But, now that I'm back and reflecting and looking forward, it's quite clear that I sometimes don't handle stressful situations with any amount of grace and, you know, I really, really want to.

I had the urge, right after we came back from vacation, to just say "screw the rest of the year, I'll continue trying to become a better person in January." And then I slapped myself.

Not really! Calm down!

But this is the home stretch! If this were a race, this is where I'd get my second wind. This is the time to push harder, aim higher, do more. Two more months of the year!

I'm going to pack them full of good stuff.

High School Reunion: Check!

Friday night I left Flu Baby with his very capable grandparents and dad so I could venture out with Natalie to my high school reunion.

For all the hemming and hawing I did over my outfit (and accessories), I scratched it completely for jeans and a top. See:

And it wasn't awful at all. It was fun! It was good to see the people who were there (the turn-out wasn't great, though, for a graduating class of nearly 500), and there weren't even that many awkward "it's so good to seeeeeee you"s.

There were even a few people I got to catch up with who I genuinely miss, who I genuinely don't see often enough, even though they live relatively close. People say all the time that they don't go to their own reunions because everyone they want to see, they already see, and I don't know....really? There isn't anyone you used to spend time with who went one direction while you went another who you don't sort of miss from time to time?

Eh, even if there's not, it wasn't nearly as ahhh-inducing as I feared. So, high-school reunion: check!

Progress so far

Not fishing for compliments, just sharing some progress.

The left picture is from last summer, July 2009, and the right is from a couple weeks ago, so September 2010. What a difference a year makes.

I'm not at my goal yet and it's taking for-freaking-ever to get there.

But I'll get there. I'm determined. I'm not letting slow-as-molasses progress or occassional weekend slip-ups deter me from my main goal and that goal is this: finishing what I started, believing in myself, and changing my life and my ass, because I can and because I want to.

I ran another 5K this past weekend and have my rescheduled 10K planned for November.

Thanks for cheering me on through all this.

Checking Back In: My Summer To-Do List

I wrote this to-do list earlier this summer (progress notes added by me today-ish):

1. Clean and organize my kitchen cabinets

2. Clean and organize my kitchen pantry

I haven't done either of these items, not in the way I intended when I wrote it. I did have to madly clean out one shelf of our pantry when I found an old bag of potatoes and...I'll stop the story there, which you're welcome for. I'm determined to do both these things this weekend, though. Remind me if I forget, would you?

3. Box up and ship off all 6-12 month baby clothes

I've boxed the clothes! That's...something, right?

4. Make this s'mores cake from Annie's Eats and these strawberry and mascarpone filled cupcakes from Giada.

I've got the ingredients to make the cupcakes, which I hope to do this weekend, too.

5. Make brownies for a couple new moms

Have these ingredients too!

6. Arrange another winetasting/girl's night out

I did this!

7. Make Kyle's baby blanket

No, but I've boxed all the clothes I want to put in this blanket and my MIL has offered to help me, so my new goal is to definitely do this by Christmas, so I can give Kyle that blanket for the holidays.

8. Look into a calligraphy class

I did look into one! And found...almost nothing. I'm thinking of buying a calligraphy kit to teach myself. Is that a ridiculous idea?

9. Officially sign up for that boot camp class I want to take but haven't committed to taking

Starts November something. And the class is at FIVE IN THE MORNING, HOLY SHIT.

10. Finish that memory book for someone special (it's been started, at least!)

Finish and sent!

11. Read three books

I did! I read three! Now, I just need to read TWELVE more before the end of the year. That's...daunting.

12. Take Kyle down to the Fort Worth Botanical Gardens

It was too fucking hot this summer, I'm sorry but it was. We'll take him to these Gardens soon, though, when the weather doesn't make us all want to stab something.

13. Pick out nightstands for our bedroom

I'm torn between traditional nightstands that hide a bunch of crap or getting creative (tables, chairs, hanging nightstands). So, no, didn't do this.

14. Start figuring out what kind of recipe collection I want to put together

Or this.

15. Get one more sponsor for Style Lush

I did!

***

Looks like my fall to-do list is arleady starting off a little lengthy.

Let me add to it:

1. Make an advent calendar for the holidays

2. Pick out and send the Style Lush writers a holiday gift.

3. Read TWELVE (OMG) books.

4. Run a 10K

5. Go to Boo at the Zoo

6. Plan: an awesome birthday party for Mike, a blogging dinner meet-up, a holiday ornament exchange party

7. Lose 10 pounds

8. Hang the wall map I bought

9. Make one new mom friend

10. Make a book of the letters I wrote Kyle his first year.

***

What's on your fall to-do list?

The hardest part

I've run for miles. I've let Jillian Michaels shred me. I've lifted my exhausted body off our very comfortable couch late into the night to cram in a half hour of exercise before falling asleep. I've said no to dessert. I've said no to vending machine snacks. I've posted my weight online. Many, many times.

I ran a 5K the morning after a short bout with food poisoning. 

I've forked over $30 a month, every month this year, for a rec membership.

I've forked over money for a Boot Camp class that will start in November.

I've worked out on vacations and on work trips.

I gave up alcohol, then meat, then chocolate, than fast food, then eating out.

And none of that was the hardest part.

The hardest part of the whole year was the very first night -- early January -- when I walked into our local rec center weighing 178 pounds and whispered to the stick-thin teenage girl behind the counter that I wanted to sign-up for a one-month membership.

And then I walked into the weight room, over to a treadmill, and ran for one solid minute.

I hadn't run for one solid minute in nearly 10 years.

It was hard.

The hardest part was the first part.

I've slipped up and overindulged and gained when I should have lost at various times over the last year. It's taken a while to lose 32 pounds and it'll take a while still to lose the rest.

But whenever I think of getting back on track or trying harder tomorrow or undoing the mess-up of that third helping of dessert, I always think of that first night, that first minute of running, that first step toward that first pound lost.

And if I could do that, I can do anything.

Take your first step.

Take it today.

It's been a drag around here, so let me do nothing to fix that

Man, with the flu and the mom guilt and the Rain of Epic Proportions (which I didn't mention to you but maybe the news did? in short: we got a lot of rain yesterday and also a couple tornadoes), it's been not-so-cheerful around these parts this week.

I'm going to do nothing to fix that since I have to say this: I'm not running my 10K this weekend.

I just can't.

Not physically, I think I could swing that part of it even after having the flu (my immune system? the opposite of Kyle's), but this run was an out-of-town one, and Mike wasn't able to get off work to go with me, so I'd be abandoning my still-recovering kiddo and my still-recovering husband to drive four hours away to run alone without a cheering squad waiting for me at the end.

I just can't rationalize it, especially considering the state of my family and the state of my house.

(Don't stop by unannounced, is what I'm saying to you or we will socialize on the porch whether or not there's a tornado* out front.)

It's just not the weekend to go and while marking off this list item would have felt fantastic, getting my house in order and my family healthy is more important, it just is.

And it's not like there aren't other 10Ks in the state of Texas between now and January. There are! I'll find another.

Or.

Well.

I've been thinking maybe I'll try to run my own 10K. Maybe I won't be able to -- there's something about the race-day adrenaline, I know -- but we have a few nearby lakes and awesome parks and I'd love to try and run 6.2 miles this weekend or the next to see if I can (in training, I've gotten to around four miles). Is this smart? Is this stupid? I have the race playlist already, why not put it to use!

And, hell, if I can't do it, I sign up for another race.

(Although, you should know, I'm keeping our dinner reservations for Saturday night, the dinner we planned to celebrate my 10K. We'll instead celebrate ... good insurance or fall premieres or these shoes or something.)

***

*Tornadoes are my Most Feared Thing, right above clowns and that little troll from Cat's Eye. I have had exactly one full-blown hysterical panic attack in my life and it was while driving through a tornado a couple years back. Mike has never seen me like that, and he's seen me give birth. Just a fun tip about me!

Aggieland Sneak Peek

***

We took a less-than-24-hour whirlwind trip to College Station this weekend, but it was so, so nice. Thanks to A'Dell for putting us up for the night and to her family for being so welcoming and warm. 

My family is swell.

More pictures.

August Recap

First, a question:

HOW THE HELL IS IT SEPTEMBER?

It's all a bit mind-boggling, that we have a mere four months left until a whole new year. That means Halloween is right around the corner, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, THEN 2011, HOLY SHIT.

But, for now, August.

***

This past month I started regularly doing two things I haven't done in as long as I can recall: going to sleep at a reasonable hour and reading.

I've been offline in the evenings just as often as I've been on and let me tell you, as much as I love the internet, there's nothing quite as nice or as vital to one's peace of mind as a good book and an early bedtime.

(Unless that good book keeps you up until 1:30, I'M LOOKING AT YOU HUNGER GAMES.)

***

This month we also didn't eat out (for the most part) and, hey, we didn't die! We made a few exceptions, which I was fine with, but for the most part we ate all our meals from our own kitchen. It basically confirmed something I already knew: we spend entirely too much money on unnecessary meals. 

I'm going to try very, very hard to bring my lunch to work every day and to limit eating out to the weekends, for date nights or special family outings.

***

I've lost 31 pounds this year and have 17 more to go. It feels as if the weight is falling off ever-so slowly and that I'll never reach my goal. It's hard to keep perspective when you plateau, you know?

But, there's this: I enjoy food, I enjoy cooking (here's my September menu, if you care about that kind of thing), I enjoy running. Those are three brand-new things for me. It's hard to say I ever really enjoyed food before, not when there was so much fucked-up guilty aftermath that went along with it.

But, I no longer view food as a crutch or my particular form of self-medication. I feel I've done more for my family in terms of taking care of them and providing meals for them this year than all other years combined, and I feel I've done more for myself this year, as well.

I'm not there yet, no, and that's just frustrating, no way around it. To be close but not quite there.

But I'll get there.

When I do, drinks for everyone!

***

Style Lush continues to blow my mind. The content is just hands-down incredible. We consistently have great giveaways and fun features and the most talented DIYers I know.

Make no mistake, I am not one of them. I just organize all that talent in one place while contributing very little of it.

(Oh, and our one-year anniversary is in October. I'm lining up some great giveaways for that week. If you have a shop or store or hidden talent and want to contribute to a giveaway that week, let me know.) 

***

This month I also: saw Greenday in concert, had a fancy date night with my husband, threw a party, and went to BlogHer.

Phew. Maybe it was less of a low-key month than I thought.

***

Then there's Kyle.

Oh Kyle.

18 months has been, for us, just blissful. (Now 14-15 months was not.) He understands so much, and is so easy to talk to and get through to, and while he's doing all that BEING-A-REAL-PERSON shit, he's still a baby. There's chub, everywhere, and he's still toddling around in diapers and a little wobbly, and so soft and sweet. 

(Although 18 months did bring the toddler feet of doom. THEY SMELL OF DEATH AND ROT.)

He holds my hand, without me asking him to, and while the tantrums are brutal, they're also quick. 

He's talking more, he's laughing more, he's dancing more, he's just more, while still being so little.

He has a sense of humor and while it's a little, uh, strange -- he thinks it's HILARIOUS when we sneeze -- making him laugh has got to be the best thing on the planet. Sorry, boss, can I just quit my job and make my kid laugh for  a living because I appear to be awesome at it?

Every stage is so fleeting, so hard to remember without the help of a blog, so full of highs and lows that if you sit around think about it for very long, you can't help but cry. It's cruel, the way we are given these gifts only to have them morph into something else entirely so soon, but it's so beautiful that they're replaced with something even more amazing.

Missing who he was before is like missing a light while I live with the sun.

 

***

September holds: Kyle's first college football game, my first 10K (and lunch with Natalie), our nephew's birthday party, another birthday party, a handful of other birthdays, and the end of summer. NOT SUMMER TEMPERATURES, THOUGH, OH NO. Texas is an overachiever when it comes to being stupid.

What are you looking forward to this month?