Annika asked, "Have you found an answer to: Will Kyle have siblings?"
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The number of people who asked me at Kyle's birthday party when we were having our next kid: 3
My answer to all of them: I don't know that we are.
Their response: BUT YOU MUST.
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Months ago, we were in a store, and this blond, barely-toddling boy was cruising the aisles. He was beautiful. His mother yelled after him, and the combination of her tone and the words she chose startled me. It wasn't usual frustration over a child who cannot be contained (oh, I know that frustration well), there was something underlying, something that made my skin crawl. She rushed over to him and yanked his arm, and he didn't cry. He didn't even flinch. I wanted to walk over and scoop that baby up and never look back. I think about him a lot.
I think about him more than I think about any other biological child I may have.
I do this thing, maybe you do it too, when I'm conflicted about something. I ask myself the of-the-moment question and then answer it quickly, with no time to really think about things. This first, gut reaction is usually the right one. So, when I did this recently about having another baby of my own, when I asked myself, quickly, "Do you want to have another baby, Jennie?" I answered quickly, "I want to adopt some day."
I don't know if this is a ridiculous won't-happen dream or if this is more a realistic-but-tough desire, but adoption is something I think about a lot and way more than I ever think about getting my redheaded baby one day.
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You know how there's always something up ahead? When you're dating, everyone wonders when you'll get married and when you get married everyone wonders when you're going to have a baby and then at that baby's first birthday, everyone wonders when you'll give him a baby sister or brother? Well, those questions have always made my stomach turn because I've always wanted that next thing well before getting that next thing. Mike and I were together three and a half years before getting married, and I felt ready for the next step most of that time. Then, it took us a year to get pregnant. But, now, when people ask me the question about our next kid, I smile because for once, I'm not anxiously looking toward it or wanting it so badly. I'm right where I want to be and I think it's going to stay just like this, at least until it's time to go after those big adoption dreams of ours.
Besides, "just like this" isn't half bad.