(I think I'll call this the second installment in a series I'm cautiously launching about real marriages. First post was about dividing household chores.)
My husband has given me some incredible gifts over the years: a diamond necklace, a beautiful bouquet of flowers for Mother's Day the year we were trying for a baby but didn't yet have a baby, a cashmere sweater I really wanted but couldn't afford.
He can wow me with his gift giving.
But, there have been plenty of anniversaries, birthdays and Christmases he's shown up for the party empty-handed.
He lists all the things he wanted to get me but didn't for one reason or another. That rarely softens the blow, although I know he's trying.
One Valentine's, he told me he wanted to get me a massage but wasn't sure of my schedule and didn't realize they offered gift cards, so he gave me the number of the place and said, "you should make an appointment whenever you need one!"
"Your gift to me is permission to get a massage?"
(I probably said it with a little more attitude than that.)
He always, always means well, but gifts aren't important to him. He'd be fine if all I ever gave him for any holiday or birthday or anniversary was a back rub followed by a foot rub followed by free reign over the DVR.
But, I like gifts! Come on, I write gift guides in my spare time! I worked a gift category into our monthly budget. I rack my brain trying to think of new and creative and personal things to give to the people in my life, including Mike.
I think he has a point in that not every special day really requires a gift. We have Christmas, my birthday, Valentine's Day, our anniversary, Mother's Day and the other anniversary I force him to still celebrate. Those gifts rack up. And it's not about the material items, I KNOW I KNOW, so no need to point that out to me in the comments. I KNOW, NOT ABOUT THE STUFF.
(Although, whatever, stuff is fun.)
I have some incredibly thoughtful gifts from him over the years and we always celebrate special days, as I like to do, with a night out. I can usually get a few extra hours of uninterrupted sleep on any of those days, too, which is invaluable, am I right?
In my gut, I know I need to adjust my expectations on this one and enjoy how sweet my husband really can be. He's a keeper, and I think I'm the one who needs a little fine-tuning in this area.
But, sigh, I still like pretty things. I still like opening presents. I still get a little bummed when my birthday or anniversary or Mother's Day gift isn't tangible.
Am I alone?
Are gifts important to you? To your partner? Do you have similar gift-giving tendencies? Did you have to adjust your gift expectations with your partner? Or, do you get diamonds every month on the day of your first kiss?
Let's hear it all.