When my dad left us, nothing made sense even though everything had made sense just the day before. In no time at all, I had a new stepmom, divorced parents, a new home in a new state, and I went from being a kid to a kid with some major baggage. I didn't know if anything could change that.
Until Adam changed that.
Adam changed everything.
He's my little brother, although I think he became taller than me when he was around 13. I was 11 when he was born, and he was the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen. I loved him instantly, and that was another brand-new, didn't-make-sense feeling. How could I love someone so much I didn't know?
I would babysit him when I visited, and I'd watch (or withhold) Barney & Friends from him. I'd dance with him, and take him for walks, and when my dad would lose his temper with him, I'd look him deep in his eyes and tell him I loved him and it would be okay, even if I wasn't sure that was true.
When Adam was 8, we took a trip to Disneyland and he was as adorable and hilarious and as fun as any kid I can ever remember. When I think of 8, I think of Adam wearing funny ears on his head and making faces with me and hugging me tightly before bed, and it's what gets me through all these milestones Kyle is speeding past. We still have 8, I think. We still have 8 ahead of us.
Adam is stubborn and has a temper and reminds me of both my sister and my dad when he gets frustrated except when he talks to me. When he talks to me, he reminds me of my brother, no one else.
I don't know if Adam can really understand how much I love him, how I'd do anything for him, open my doors and my house and my wallet if he really needed, because he's 18 and I don't know if you can really get anything at 18 that seems so obvious at dozens of other ages. It's not super cool to have a much older sister who loves you to pieces, but it's still true. It always will be.
I told Adam when he was two years old that I'd see him graduate high school. He couldn't remember, of course, but I never forgot.
Nothing would have kept me, so that's where I was when I was out of town week before last.
My little brother -- the little guy who used to wave backwards, whose blonde hair from way back when reminds me of my own son's blonde hair now -- is now 18 and a high school graduate.
It seems impossible in some ways, he was just eight, wasn't he? And yet...
Congratulations, Adam. I love you. I always have, and I always, always will.