I leave tomorrow for San Diego for nearly a week, and I thought I'd schedule posts to go live while I'm gone (I always think I'll schedule posts to go live while I'm gone) but I haven't even begun packing yet, and I leave tomorrow morning. So. You know. Possibly not.
I'm excited because I'm always excited to go somewhere. New place, new food, new sights, new people. I get a rush from it all, and I'm also excited to market our books. I think we put out some really fun titles, so I like to tell people about them. (Hey, will you be at Comic-Con? Swing by Booth B4 for a mess of free stuff and fun signings, if so!)
I'm also equally excited to return from Comic-Con and get back into a routine. My lands, I've been going non-stop since mid-May, feels like, and I just need a little downtime to cook again, clean again, and work-out again.
Speaking of, oh my my my friends, I have been a bad little runner/half-marathon trainee. I run 13.1 miles in less than five months, and I haven't run longer than two miles in two months. (Ouch, that hurt to type.) I also haven't consistently cooked or consistently worked-out in any other significant way. It's showing in my waistline and in how I feel, all-around.
Yeah, I blame an insane workload and travel schedule this summer and it's SO FLIPPING HOT OUTSIDE the only activity I really enjoy is complaining about the weather, but life can be kind of consistently, regularly, always insane, you know? It's crazy now and it'll be crazy again and will I ever get this life-work-health balance down?
(I sure as hell hope so.)
I had this entire post I wanted to write months ago about telling ourselves no, just like we tell our kids no. If I wouldn't let Kyle have three helpings of dessert, why let myself? I know what's best for him but I apparently don't know what's best for me? Crazy talk! I do know! Sometimes he does get chocolate milk for breakfast and sometimes so should I, but not for every breakfast, no sir, because that's kind of crazy irresponsible. (And expensive, I'd think.)
That post was going to be good, I could feel it, but then I allowed myself to have chocolate milk (or the equally irresponsible equivalent) for breakfast enough times to feel like a fraud, so I waited.
Still waiting.
I've been reading a lot of healthy living and running-type blogs lately because they're inspiring. They're not about tossing champagne out the window (how sad would that window be?) but about balance. They're about working hard to play hard and I love that. I want that. I'm struggling with that. Oh am I. And, sure, some of it is the schedule and the workload and the HEAT OMG THE HEAT but some of it is just me, my self-destructive tendencies, my perfectionism, my personality. I'm not an easy person to be sometimes, and this is one of those times.
So, I'm in a bit of a frustrated phase, eager to move out of it, hopeful for some free time when I'm back to focus on healthy living and balance but, also, acknowledging that this is where I am today. It ain't great but it still is.
I don't know why I feel the urge to share with you every misstep and obstacle I face. I could just call up Natalie and vent and leave you with pictures of Kyle, and we'd all be none the wiser. Except that there's always one of you out there who says exactly the right thing, the thing I print out and carry with me, in a pocket or purse or taped to my day planner, the one thing I credit for getting me to the not-so-frustrated point. I am so thankful for those words, for your words, when they come, because I always, always need them.
I keep being honest because, in return, you keep throwing me life rafts.