She Likes Purple

No Shopping!

Inspired by a road-trip conversation I had with Kristie this weekend (we traveled to Austin for a half-marathon and that recap should be up soon), she and I have decided to be a little crazy and give up personal shopping/spending for the month of February. 

For me, this means no:

• Clothes
• Accessories/shoes
• Unnecessary things for the home
• Dining out solo (Starbucks, quick lunch at Subway, etc.) 

This doesn't mean:

• Gifts
• Groceries
• Necessary things for the home 
• Dining out with others

That last one -- on both lists -- seems weird, I know, but I have a few scheduled social outings this month that I won't cancel because they're not the issue here. (One is celebrating a friend's birthday, the other is a planned date night out for Valentine's.)

I don't want to give up special nights with the people I care about, but I do want to curb a "quick coffee" or a 1-click book purchase on Amazon. I love my prime membership, but it's dangerous! 

Anyway, if you'd like to join us, you should! We'll be hash-tagging our non-shopping adventures with the very original #noshopping. 

Who's with us?

Only Two For A Little Bit Longer

Last night I took Kyle to the store after I picked him up from school because we needed hummus and milk and a couple other things and, oh yes, I wanted him to pick out his birthday cake.

This year we're going to have a small little party at our house and another small little party at his school, and it's been a lot of fun to plan both these events because he has actual opinions on the details and while I admittedly loved throwing a big out-of-hand party for his first birthday all for me I'm even more excited about giving him, each year, the kind of day he most wants. 

So, we've been having some pretty cool (if not spastic) conversations about his big day for a while now. Such as:

Me: Hey Buds, what color plates would you like for your party?

Kyle: Ummm, how about blue and red and yellow and green and blue. 

Me: I think I can manage that. 

Kyle: Or maybe also dark orange and light orange.

Me: Okaaaaaay. 

I've quickly learned that it helps to just take him to the party aisle of Target and say, "Have at it, kiddo! Grab some plates!" 

So, tonight when I told him we were going to pick out his cake for his school party, he started in with, "Chocolate cake with red frosting and chocolate frosting, too. AND CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM."   

"Actually, buds, we're going to look at a big book of cakes and you can pick whichever one you want."

This book may have been the coolest thing he'd ever seen. I'm actually going to be surprised if he doesn't add "grocery store bakery cake book" to his list of birthday wishes. I let him have his time with it. We looked at each page, and he narrowed it down to three choices (all very fitting choices for my son): Cars, Toy Story, and Nemo. These have been his consistent loves for the last year. 

A part of me secretly hoped he'd pick the Cars cake. It had multiple layers and was very cool and Cars was his first love, the movie I've seen nearly a million times. In fact, let's just put this out there: if you're ever on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (is Who Wants to Be a Millionaire still on?), and a question comes up about Cars OR Cars 2, just go ahead and dial me up without pause. I've got you covered, without a doubt. 

He was so torn. "CARS! NO! BUZZ! NO NEMO!"

Finally, he settled on the Toy Story cake and he was grinning from ear to ear with his choice. Now, if you had told me three years ago that I'd be totally geeked out about buying my son a cheesy Toy Story cake for his birthday, I would have judged future me (and maybe you too a little bit for telling me), but whatever makes these kids of ours happy, right? If Toy Story produces that kind of grin, GIVE THAT KID SOME DAMN TOY STORY CAKE ALREADY.

It was one of those strangely cool parenting moments where I realized, huh, my son is about to be three. I don't know how this is possible, but it seems to be. Let's go ahead and plan a party and celebrate the heck out of this day since there's apparently no way to make any of this slow down.

After I filled out the form for his cake and started to push the cart toward the hummus, he said, "Mommy, where's my cake?" 

He seemed a little less thrilled when I told him he would get to enjoy it next week. 

Thanks, Guys.

I've got personal emails coming to each of you who commented on yesterday's post. I was so touched. There wasn't even a single slightly negative-leaning comment and turns out a lot of us are struggling with wanting to eat all the donuts when stressed or sad or emotional or just breathing. 

I think we're gonna be okay, though.

I promise to keep talking my way through this as best I can and to also break up all the waist-size/fragile self-esteem talk with lots of pictures of Kyle or thoughts on this season's The Bachelor. (OMG, is this the worst batch of women ever to appear on a reality dating show or what? How has Ben not walked to the front of a rose ceremony yet and been all, "Peace, I'm out, you're all batshit." They're all a considerable step down from Ashley. How is that possible?) 

Anyway, last night I went to bed at 8:15 despite really needing to clean, cook, and work-out. I said to myself: "Uh, no, actually you need to watch The Vampire Diaries and go to bed." So I listened to myself.

This is the first step I've been meaning to tell you guys about. Listening to my gut. My gut is the exact opposite of those whispers I mentioned yesterday. My gut is a genius and knows exactly what it's talking about. It wants me to be a rockstar who doesn't just achieve goals but makes those goals my bitch. My gut screams at me every day and often I ignore the heck out of it. 

When my gut talks, I'm trying really hard to listen now. 

Keep Fighting

(I very nearly hit delete on this post that I wrote a little while ago because it's, well, it's so tough. The toughest thing I've written, maybe. I got a lot of strength and inspiration from this post I stumbled upon today by way of Elizabeth. Thanks to her and to the post writer. Thanks so much.)

***

The thing about eating disorders is that they never really go away.

The other day I stepped onto an elevator and caught the smell of the cologne my first boyfriend used to wear. After a brief moment where I mercilessly judged whatever professional was wearing Tommy cologne in 2012, I was instantly taken back to 1998, unexpectedly and without warning, and it was like one of those bad movie montages in my head. A good-and-bad highlight reel began playing and it's not that I really missed him or us (or ever really do) but memory just sort of works this way: one moment you're 30 and married and a mom and happy and stepping onto an elevator, thinking about an email you need to send or groceries you need to buy and the next moment you're 16 and dancing in a high school cafeteria and you can't help but think, I wonder if he ever catches my smell on an elevator? 

This is kind of how eating disorders work. You go months and months figuring shit out and losing weight by eating less and exercising more and rocking it and then one day you're walking down the hall to grab laundry or to check on your sleeping preschooler and something whispers, "eat something bad for you, keep eating until you hate yourself again," and you don't know how it happened, or how you lost control or even why (except that this is just how your brain defaults handling stress, without your consent), but the whispers, man, they sure seem to come out of nowhere sometimes.

I recently heard someone answer the question, "How is your eating disorder?" with "It's really loud right now," and I couldn't think of a better way to describe an eating disorder or (I'd guess) an addiction of any kind. Sometimes it's silent, but that doesn't mean it's gone. Other times, it can be all we hear. 

The last six months of 2011, despite working out regularly and with incredible dedication, I overate a lot, and I know that this is an eating disorder all its own. I know that this is bulimia without throwing up. I could list all the reasons this happens sometimes but it's not actually because of my job or my broken friendship with someone I thought would be there for me forever or my sometimes-fragmented-always-complicated relationship with my father. It's not really about any of that, although those triggers sure do contribute, it's just about my inability to handle life's stresses in a way that doesn't involve food. When stress is tossed my way, I stiffen externally and when the house is quiet and no one is looking, I break down, so to speak. I tip-toe into the kitchen and eat. Sometimes I eat a lot. 

I did this at 16 and 17 and 18 and 21 and 24 and 27 and while I haven't thrown up in so many years I can't quite remember exactly how many, I now realize that all this yo-yoing with my weight and my eating habits is still an eating disorder.

I want it not to be. I want all those reflective and introspective posts I've written before to be true, that I'm better, that I'm good, that I'm immune. This one in particular, and I felt so good when I wrote that. I was in such a good place that day. But I know that good periods come with bad, and I'm not immune to the lure of the whispers. I don't know if I'll ever be. I just need to figure out how to ignore them more consistently. Not just sometimes but most times.

I've become self-conscious to talk about exercise and eating here, two topics I kind of talk about a lot (remember when I was training for a half-marathon? Man, I did nothing but talk about exercise). It feels more "part of this crazy up and down pattern" than "being healthy." I fear you're all rolling your eyes because it sure can be annoying to live with such inconsistencies and I imagine at least partially annoying to hear about.

Just figure it out! I want to scream at myself and I assume some people want to scream at me. I'm 30! This is getting old.

I can't change that this is what it is, though. I'm exhausted that I'm still fighting this fight. I'm angry, too. I'm an adult, a wife, a mother, a professional. I should not still have food issues, but I do.  

So I keep fighting.

Exhausted just isn't an excuse to stop.

I keep saying that 2012 is my year, and it is. It's my year. It's my year to do so many things, I can't wait for you to see them all. I feel like I'm going to overcome a lot and conquer a lot and rock a lot and it's going to be grand. (It IS.) But, I think a big part of that is to take the next step in this fight and that's to make an appointment, finally, to see a therapist and maybe a nutritionist.

Then I think I'll make an appointment to take a really long nap. 

What To Do In Las Vegas: Eat Breakfast on the Patio at Mon Ami Gabi

So, I went to Vegas and, other than a lengthy and emotion-filled half-marathon recap, barely mentioned the trip at all. Which is totally and completely Christmas' fault. Send complaint (or thank-you?) notes that direction. The holidays took over all my thoughts after we got back, but there was certainly some serious fun in addition to all the running.

One highlight was sitting on the patio of Mon Ami Gabi, eating a pre-race breakfast. This restaurant is on the ground floor of the Paris Hotel, which is directly across the street from the Bellagio, so you get a front-row seat of the fountains when you dine outside. 

Not only that but, holy cow, was the menu packed with deliciousness. 

I had tons of iced coffee, fresh bread, and split the nutella waffles. I also tasted some of my friend's French Onion soup, which was amazing. I normally don't care for this soup because the bites are either all cheese or all brothy onions, nothing in between, but each bite of this soup was so rich and thick, I kept meaning to go back and have some more. There was also a slow-braised beef eggs benedict dish that I still wish I had ordered. (Here's the full breakfast menu.)

I don't see the cocktail choices online, not sure why, but the Bloody Mary bar was so cool.

I was abstaining from Vegas cocktails that morning because I had 13.1 miles to run (although if I could have foreseen that I'd just be puking later that night anyway, I might have gone ahead and enjoyed). 

If you're in Vegas, and are looking for a (relatively affordable, all things considered) place for breakfast, check out this place. (I bet it's just as, if not more, awesome to eat dinner in front of the fountains.) We had to wait about a half hour for a table, but we had a big group. Calling ahead can't hurt, though. Finally, the service wasn't exceptional, but the food, drinks, and views kept us perfectly happy while we waited.

*** 

Here are some more "What To Do In" posts, something I started last year to spotlight awewsome local and travel finds.

Remind Me of This Day in August

We've had (so far, knock on all the wood) a pretty mild winter. We've had some pretty cold mornings and a few really chilly days, but the last two years we had already seen snow and ice by now, so I'm going to go ahead and assume that this is Texas' way of apologizing for the hell that was this past summer. 

Of course now that I put all this MILD WINTER-NESS out on the internet, February will be awful, start to finish. 

Anyway, the weather today was especially lovely. Kyle and I raced cars outside (he shockingly declared himself the winner each race) and then he rode his bike around. His feet reach the pedals now, without straining, and he can ride on his own, without help. 

Such a beautiful day, such a beautiful boy. 

30 Is The New 20!

You may not have heard that 30 is the new 20, but it's totally true. Okay, lies, it's not. So says my back that aches a lot more these days or my waist that looks nothing like my waist at 20 or those rogue (and annoying) gray hairs I sometimes find. But, still, being 30 is far better than never being 30 and I had a really wonderful birthday this year.

I'm finally getting around to writing about it, even though it was over a week ago, you lucky readers you!

So, last week on my actual birthday I woke up to, well, an incredible note in my inbox. My Lush writers had given me a really generous cash gift, so I could finally purchase those investment jeans I've been talking about (for years). I couldn't believe it and still can't, truth be told. The gesture stunned me and the love I felt from that wonderful group on my birthday was unmatched. I wish I could bottle that feeling and feel it every day. 

(Jonna was worried I'd spend the dough on something like bills, so she emailed me "I WANT RECEIPTS OR I WILL PUNCH YOU." I'm sorry but that's the best email I've ever gotten. I'm saving it forever. When I told Mike she sent that, he said, "I love Jonna." Yep, yep, me too.)

At work, my lovely coworker and friend left a donut and flowers on my desk and then a bunch of other coworkers took me to a delicious Mexican food lunch. A long lunch with dessert. That'll make a work day better, am I right?

I was met at home by cupcakes.

And an iPhone! 

(You can't see the iPhone but the iPhone took the picture of the cupcakes, which . . . is really meta. NOTHING WS META AT 20! Take that 20!)

I also got to sit on the couch with champagne while Mike handled bedtime all on his own. I'm sorry, but that might have been the highlight of the week as moms everywhere can understand.

This past Saturday, we had a raging party, my last for a long while, but before it, Mike and I went to one of our fanciest dinners yet (at Grace in Fort Worth). We saved up for this dinner for a while, and I promised myself I wouldn't feel guilty because if you can't treat yourself to a nice dinner on your 30th birthday, WHEN CAN YOU? We loved it and had a great time. 

A Bosc pear cocktail that was delicious!


Crab cake! One of the best I've ever had.

The party was a lot of fun, and it was my birthday so I forced my guests to play Cranium. Be warned if you ever come to one of my future birthday parties. CRANIUM IS HOW I ROLL. 

I also loved that for the couple hours that Kyle was at the party with us, he passed out his Toy Story stickers to every single guest and every single guest humored him and took them and put them all over their shirts. I have such good friends. Although, when I asked Kyle why he wasn't wearing any stickers, he looked at me very matter-of-factly and said, "I don't want any stickers right now." Well then. 

Because this birthday recap post is very food- and drink-photo heavy, how about a picture of Kristie and me.

In all honesty, 30 is a gift, and I feel lucky to be this age and with the family, friends, job, and life I have. I know that 30 isn't a given as no age is, and I'm grateful for it. I'm also so grateful for how special the day and weekend turned out to be. 

Until 31, my friends!

***

To celerate my birthday, I hosted a "will run for champagne" shirt giveaway, if you remember, and we have a winner! 

Congrats Jen! I'll be in touch pronto. 

(FYI: if you loved the shirt enough to buy one, we're placing another order this week, so order away!) 

Eight

As the years tick by, I think there's nothing I haven't shared (that I could share) about Mike. I've shared it all. He has horrible taste in television (Futurama, Ice Road Truckers, Moonshiners) and is constantly opposed to doing the dishes but is, hand to God, the kindest, most incredibly grounded, simplest (in the best way) man I've ever known. He loves his son and he loves his motorcycle and he loves his family, and if you mess with any of those things, he's going to pretend he's never met you, no more chances, best of luck to you. 

Yes, you know all that. You definitely know all that if you know Mike. You know he's quiet at first, sarcastic every time after that, and you know he's got the most beautiful shade of red hair on the planet (when he ever grows it long enough to see, MICHAEL). He also has a smile that could stop wars, and could definitely save marriages. I swear by that smile. He gave that smile to my son. 

Damn those smiles.

He also changed my life, you probably know that too, but you might not know that he didn't change it with our first kiss or our first date or the first "I love you"s -- not that those moments weren't incredible because they were -- but he changed my life on one random sticky summer day in 2004 as we were driving from my house to get lunch.

I asked him what he was doing that night, after he got off work, assuming we'd do something together, and I flippantly mentioned that Cherie wanted to hang out but I could see her the next day if he wanted to get together instead and he slowly swiveled his head toward me and said, causally, naturally, life-changingly, "Go out with Cherie. Babe, if we're going to be together forever, we don't have to be together tonight."

I wish I could articulate for every girl who's just started dating someone how important it is to stay connected with your friends, to value your relationship enough to step away from it sometimes, to trust that giving anyone space won't hand them a ticket out, but it's a lesson we have to learn ourselves. 

I was never supposed to learn that lesson.

I look at every relationship I've ever had and I see how they pointed me toward not handling that moment well, not handling this gift Mike was giving me with any grace, but I still managed to. Not that we were fight- or obstacle-free from then on, oh lord no, we just fought last week, but it was such a turning point in my life, such a turning point in my relationship.

Sometimes I think there's nothing else to be said of Mike. I've said it all. I've even said that before (that I've said it all), but then I think that this is the guy who has given me a million gifts, a million stories, a million everything, and I could spend forever filling up this blog with posts worthy of the "Mike" tag and still not share it all with you. 

He's got horrible taste in tv. He never does the dishes. (You are rolling your eyes right now because you get it. HE NEVER DOES THE DISHES.) He doesn't know Twitter from Facebook from Pinterest and when I talk about the Blathering, he still thinks it's going to be in Sacramento. He wants me to love all those social-media-type things, but he'll never get them, and that's so beautifully Mike. "I don't have to love something to be happy that you love that something."

But, he loves his son. He loves his motorcycle. He loves his family.

He'd swear up and down that he didn't start loving me eight years ago today. It was more like seven and some change. It took him a little while to get there, he'd say. That first night all those years ago was not about love ohhhhhh no, it was about unbloggable things.

But, here's something you might not know. I think I started loving him that first night. The day we became just-maybe-possibly-us. I loved him from that first moment, when he offered me his bar tab, his phone, his compliment, even if I might not have known it then. But, ohhhhh I loved him, instantly.

I love him, still. 

Eight years ago. Eight years later. 

Damn that smile. 

January Menu & Fitness Plan

Doing something a little different, friends. Each month of 2012, I'm going to post my menu and fitness plan. To keep myself accountable, for easy reference, because I'm crazy. All apply! 

You can see I'm easing back into things this week -- and I changed item #75 on my list to "run for my birthday" since I'm running tomorrow instead of yesterday, but it still counts 'cause it's my list! -- but starting Monday, I'm officially getting hardcore. I'm starting this coming Monday instead of this past Monday because when you have a January 3rd birthday, you need that extra week to enjoy it properly. I'm pretty sure that's law. (Awesome birthday recap to come post-party this weekend!)

{Click on the image to expand} 

1/4: Spicy Bean Burritos; 1/9: Vegetarian Chili; 1/11: Corn Cakes with Tomato Avocado Relish; 1/12: Black Bean Sliders; 1/16: Thai Red Curry; 1/17: Grilled Cheese and Brussels Sprouts; 1/18: Lasagna Soup; 1/20: Veggie Fajitas; 1/23: Meatless Muffalettas; 1/24: Baked Sweet Potatoes and Salad; 1/25: Broccoli Cheddar Soup; 1/31: Veggie Tamale Pies

One reason I'm getting so hardcore is because I got very un-hardcore the last half of 2011 even though I was training for a half-marathon. I ate horribly, I focused on my long runs toward the end of training and not much else, I ate horribly. Did I mention I ate horribly? 

Another reason is that I have an April date looming on the horizon and it's a motivating date because it's a date that includes A BEACH, WHERE SWIMSUITS ARE REQUIRED. Well, maybe not required, I tend to get dramatic, but definitely preferred to pj pants and the ill-fitting t-shirts I'm used to wearing. This beach happens to be in Puerto Rico, where Mike and I just booked our five-year anniversary trip to, and we'll be there a week and I don't know if there's anything more motivating than a ROMANTIC GETAWAY on a BEACH to push me away from all that horrible food and into the arms of a few fitness instructors/Jillian Michaels/my running shoes.

(Oh! Hey! If you have any tips or suggestions or must-dos in Puerto Rico, we're all ears. We plan to split our time between the main island and Vieques, but that's about all the decision making we've done. I've mainly spent my vacation research on Pinterest looking at pretty pictures. So pretty!)

There you have it. What I'm doing this month to return to hardcore. And also return to exhausted because, man, I'm tired just thinking of it all. It's times like these I wish watching Biggest Loser and searching yoga classes from my couch was all I really needed to do to get fit and trim. 

Science, get on that!

Giveaway!: "Will Run for Champagne" Running Shirt

After I talked Cherie into designing a t-shirt for my recent half-marathon, we decided to just go ahead and launch a little business together because why not, right? We unveiled Cherry Jean's site today! (Click here!) This is mostly Cherie's baby -- she's the real talent here -- but I get to pin my name to it, which I'll gladly do. Working with Cherie is one of my best decisions, no matter what we may be working on.

We hope to design more shirts and running gear, but it's also a company for more personalized design projects for the web and print: blog design, invitaitons, cards, etc. You can reach out to us about any design idea you have and we'll see how we can help.

I also finally have a place to talk about my business and professional ambitions, so I hope to regularly post on Cherry Jean's blog about social media, personal projects, and inspiring companies that are rocking it. 

For today (in honor of it being my birthday and champagne being one of my most favorite things), we have an extra "Will Run for Champagne" shirt to give away. We have in our possession a size M, but if you need another size, no worries, we can easily add that to our next order (it'll just be sent a few weeks after the M one could be). 

Take a look at it again:

And a picture of me in my shirt:

You want one, I'm sure of it. Comment to enter and I'll pick and announce a random winner by Monday, January 9th. 

Comment with: How do you hope to spend your birthday this year? 

Happy 2012!

Mike and I rang in 2012 with really good friends, a lot of adult drinks, and the Dallas Stars. Hey, one of those things might not be typical, but no biggie. Still loads of fun.

I hope you got to ring in 2012 with lots of fun too and here's to this year being your (and my) best year yet.