She Likes Purple

August Recap

First, a question:

HOW THE HELL IS IT SEPTEMBER?

It's all a bit mind-boggling, that we have a mere four months left until a whole new year. That means Halloween is right around the corner, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, THEN 2011, HOLY SHIT.

But, for now, August.

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This past month I started regularly doing two things I haven't done in as long as I can recall: going to sleep at a reasonable hour and reading.

I've been offline in the evenings just as often as I've been on and let me tell you, as much as I love the internet, there's nothing quite as nice or as vital to one's peace of mind as a good book and an early bedtime.

(Unless that good book keeps you up until 1:30, I'M LOOKING AT YOU HUNGER GAMES.)

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This month we also didn't eat out (for the most part) and, hey, we didn't die! We made a few exceptions, which I was fine with, but for the most part we ate all our meals from our own kitchen. It basically confirmed something I already knew: we spend entirely too much money on unnecessary meals. 

I'm going to try very, very hard to bring my lunch to work every day and to limit eating out to the weekends, for date nights or special family outings.

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I've lost 31 pounds this year and have 17 more to go. It feels as if the weight is falling off ever-so slowly and that I'll never reach my goal. It's hard to keep perspective when you plateau, you know?

But, there's this: I enjoy food, I enjoy cooking (here's my September menu, if you care about that kind of thing), I enjoy running. Those are three brand-new things for me. It's hard to say I ever really enjoyed food before, not when there was so much fucked-up guilty aftermath that went along with it.

But, I no longer view food as a crutch or my particular form of self-medication. I feel I've done more for my family in terms of taking care of them and providing meals for them this year than all other years combined, and I feel I've done more for myself this year, as well.

I'm not there yet, no, and that's just frustrating, no way around it. To be close but not quite there.

But I'll get there.

When I do, drinks for everyone!

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Style Lush continues to blow my mind. The content is just hands-down incredible. We consistently have great giveaways and fun features and the most talented DIYers I know.

Make no mistake, I am not one of them. I just organize all that talent in one place while contributing very little of it.

(Oh, and our one-year anniversary is in October. I'm lining up some great giveaways for that week. If you have a shop or store or hidden talent and want to contribute to a giveaway that week, let me know.) 

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This month I also: saw Greenday in concert, had a fancy date night with my husband, threw a party, and went to BlogHer.

Phew. Maybe it was less of a low-key month than I thought.

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Then there's Kyle.

Oh Kyle.

18 months has been, for us, just blissful. (Now 14-15 months was not.) He understands so much, and is so easy to talk to and get through to, and while he's doing all that BEING-A-REAL-PERSON shit, he's still a baby. There's chub, everywhere, and he's still toddling around in diapers and a little wobbly, and so soft and sweet. 

(Although 18 months did bring the toddler feet of doom. THEY SMELL OF DEATH AND ROT.)

He holds my hand, without me asking him to, and while the tantrums are brutal, they're also quick. 

He's talking more, he's laughing more, he's dancing more, he's just more, while still being so little.

He has a sense of humor and while it's a little, uh, strange -- he thinks it's HILARIOUS when we sneeze -- making him laugh has got to be the best thing on the planet. Sorry, boss, can I just quit my job and make my kid laugh for  a living because I appear to be awesome at it?

Every stage is so fleeting, so hard to remember without the help of a blog, so full of highs and lows that if you sit around think about it for very long, you can't help but cry. It's cruel, the way we are given these gifts only to have them morph into something else entirely so soon, but it's so beautiful that they're replaced with something even more amazing.

Missing who he was before is like missing a light while I live with the sun.

 

***

September holds: Kyle's first college football game, my first 10K (and lunch with Natalie), our nephew's birthday party, another birthday party, a handful of other birthdays, and the end of summer. NOT SUMMER TEMPERATURES, THOUGH, OH NO. Texas is an overachiever when it comes to being stupid.

What are you looking forward to this month?

Invaluable parenting moment, take a million

I took Kyle to the doctor yesterday morning for his 18-month well check.

He checked out well although he seems to take after his mom in one way: he fucking hates waiting an hour to see the doctor. He showed her this by screaming in her face. Man, wish I could embrace the same response. I believe they escort you out for screaming past a certain age, though.

He's 23 lbs, 32 inches, and has the largest head of any baby I know. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Lean, mean Mensa machine!

Anyway, while we were waiting, Kyle was wobbling around the waiting room, holding two blocks he brought from home. There was an older boy, maybe four, playing nearby and Kyle walked over to him and handed him a block. He was so shy as he approached, looking back at me for reassurance, and when the boy opened his mouth and scrunched his face, my chest tightened up before he had even said the words, "Go away BABY, I don't want to play with you."

I didn't say anything. Or do anything. Although my instinct was to pummel a four year old, I can't lie. Have to let kids process things on their own, without our commentary, my brain said. (My heart was still saying, THAT LITTLE SHIT.)

Kyle stood there for a minute before turning on his heels and offering the block to a (much nicer) little girl.

He let the rejection roll off his back better than I do at 28.

I spend a lot of time wondering what I'll pass to Kyle, what he'll remember, what he'll soak up, what he'll retain and tell his friends or girlfriend or shrink about one day. What will he become because of who I've been around him?

Funny, I don't think as often as I should about all he's teaching me.

At BlogHer I spent hours talking with Jonna and Holly about parenting and babies and how do you know you're ready for one and do you ever regret doing it, because, wow, that shit is permanent.

I left the conversation thinking I hadn't said all I wanted. I had too much wine and I was tired and hot and buzzing from the fun of that first night in NYC, and I couldn't articulate all the good, all the beauty, and now, with some hindsight, I would have said this:

No matter what you have to give up or sacrifice or lose -- and you will have to give up and sacrifice and lose a lot, it's just fact -- it will all unequivocally pale in comparison to how much better and kinder and smarter you will become.

Now when someone is mean to me or unkind or a straight-up asshole, I can think of how my son responded to rejection when he was 18 months old, and it'll motivate me to just try again with someone nicer.

Without him, I'd never have seen it so simply.

20 Fun Things About BlogHer '10

1. My roommate.

2. Meeting Padma Lakshmi. Although I was eating turkey sausage on a stick right beforehand, which Jonna made me stick in her purse. "WE CANNOT MEET HER WHILE EATING SAUSAGE."

3. The Style Lush happy hour. We're just so proud of that site of ours, and it was fun sharing that happiness with some great supporters and friends. (Laurie & Sara, I still owe you a drink!)

4. Getting multiple noise violations for merely talking. Jonna and I are just that badass.

5. Alexa's book party because of 1) Alexa, 2) Alexa's beautiful, exquisite, poetic book Half Baked, 3) CUPCAKES!, 4) wine, 5) the balcony with a serious view, and 5) every single person there, and 6) everything else about it.

6. Meeting Meredith. I turned to her at one point and said, "I just met you the other day but it feels as if I've known you for years." She's calming and smart and classy and she also has the most beautiful and well-behaved baby there ever was.

7. Having dinner with Maura, Kristie, and Jess at Casellula. The adobo chicken wings were as unbelievable as the conversation.

8. Sitting in the hotel bar until 2 am talking to Meagan about creating the life and job you want. Also, she's smoking hot.

9. Champagne! (Although I'd have much preferred if it hadn't been $14 a glass, my god.)

10. Talking about babies with Jonna and Holly for a good hour or so. Holly didn't run away screaming, so I now have even more respect for her than I did before.

11. Sipping drinks and talking fitness, health, and life with Jonna, Kristin, and Kristin's boyfriend Corey until the bartender pulled out the vacuum and turned the bar lights up.

12. Meeting: Sara (she's supermodel pretty, people), Kate (as is she), Alana (who I instantly loved), Anna (she doesn't bite in person, turns out), Linda (fucking hilarious), TwoBusy (he handled all us crazy women quite well, I'd say), Jodi (finally we met!), Sam (so adorable!), Pocklock (she looks damn fantastic for being 30 weeks pregnant), The New Girl (hilarious), Katie (so smart), Yvonne (one of the nicest people I met), Leah (beautiful, inside and out), Tracey (I worked for her for years and was still a bit starstruck), Amy (stunning), Miss Banshee, Amber (both were just so damn kind and nice and looked amazing), Palinode (not surprisingly well-spoken but also really wonderful and warm), Schmutzie (as was she), Annabelle (oh, just amazing), Jen L. (her personality was contagious) and Sarah (so sweet).

(And saw some fun people again: Metalia, Slynnro, Ali, Kristin, Regan, Katie (all too briefly!).

13. The sausage on a stick I mentioned above. It was surprisingly delicious.

14. Nearly flooding our hotel room an hour after arriving. We were steaming some of our clothes via shower steam and somehow the tub got plugged. Five minutes longer and we'd have some mighty serious explaining to do to the front desk. And possibly the floor below us.

15. Paying for panels but not attending a single one. (Okay, that's not fun as much as it is lazy.)

16. Speaking of, sleeping in until almost 10 a.m. each morning. 

17. The art gala where I got to see Natalie's beautiful photo featured (and Laurie's too).

18. Being pleasantly surprised by 99% of the people in attendance. Seriously, people were just nice and kind and willing to shake my hand or hug hello no matter my stats or shoes.

19. Two crab cake sandwiches in four days. Scale, go easy on me tomorrow.

20. The sweaty walk we took around Central Park. It's Central Park, you walk without complaint, am I right?

BlogHer was clearly incredible.

It got me thinking.

One day I'll hand the keys of this site over to my son and it will all be his. While I'm sure some words will straight-up humiliate him, I'm also sure some won't. I write for the part that won't. I write for those words -- however few they may actually total up to be -- that may help him, save him, make him feel understood, make him feel warm, make him laugh, even.

The beautiful thing about blogging is that your readers' words live on, too. So, one day I will gift these hundreds of posts to Kyle, and along with my words, I'll give him yours. 

I may have been a little nervous going into a weekend like BlogHer because of my stats or traffic or (lack of) business cards or any number of stupid fears that bubble up when popularity is involved, but those fears melted almost instantly.

Because I now get to say to him one day that you're all just as loving and supportive and selfless as he'll think you to be.

Thank you for being just as funny, kind, decent, and smart as I thought you'd be. I have friends in all corners of the world. That's a beautiful thing indeed.

Pictures here.

July Recap

July was batshit insane.

Which is par for the course with us.

(Seems I kind of like it that way. Mike wishes I didn't.)

I flew to Portland. I flew to San Diego. I squeezed in some runs where I could. I lost a writing gig. I gained perspective. I connected, I ate, I lounged on the couch and watched old Veronica Mars episodes and new True Blood ones.

I played with my son. (And finally cut his too-long hair.)

I sipped wine under the hot sun and held my husband's hand.

I realized that true friends leave out guilt from conversations and they instead insist on encouragement. (I guess learning this at 28 is better than learning it at 29 or any year thereafter.)

Molly turned seven, and she's still our favorite dog on earth. (She's Kyle's favorite anything on earth.)

I have big plans for August and those plans include slowing the hell down (right after I take a quick trip to NYC for BlogHer). I'll also be taking Kyle to swim lessons, organizing my kitchen, cooking at home way more than I did in July (since we're not eating out this month), putting my feelers out for a new writing gig I can be passionate about, and running as often as I can since my 10K is next month.

Maybe we'll throw a party. Maybe we won't.

Some other things I'd like to do: finally learn to poach a damn egg, go to a concert, not melt into a puddle during Texas' hottest month, read three books, bake, dance with Kyle, and kiss my husband for no reason other than I still like kissing him.

Kyle's a dream, my husband's such a decent human being I'm constantly inspired by him, my house is usually in shambles but it's still a pretty happy place to be, and I am thankful everyday for air conditioning, my son's grandparents, Netflix, and the Food Network.

Life is sweet.

Here's to August.

We're covering a lot of ground in this post including books, music, blogging, and toddlers

First, a big thank you for all your kind words and emails yesterday. It seemed a little weird writing about at first, but you're never anything but supportive. It always means so much. Seriously, thanks.

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If you've been following my sidebar list (because my to-do list should totally be a priority for you), you know I try to discover a new band or artist once a month. If you don't follow the list, well now you also know.

Anyway, no lie, all the musicians I've listed have come from one of two places: 1) Pandora or 2) CW shows, most likely One Tree Hill.

But have you discovered any great new music you'd like to tell me about? 

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Kyle's transitioning from the pre-toddler to toddler room at school and he's ... uh ... not handling it so well. He loves his current class and his teacher so much that I drop him off happy as can be, playing with his friends and waving goodbye, and I pick him up in the other room where he's hanging onto the window that separates the rooms SOBBING and POINTING, like get me the fuck where I belong people.

The teachers are all very reassuring that this is totally normal and he'll be fine in a couple weeks but. AH. MY HEART. IT HURTS.

I hate seeing him upset and, yeah, I hate paying for him to be so upset, especially when he was really thriving in his room. I understand he can't stay in the pre-toddler room forever, he's one of the oldest as it is, but maybe they could just move the teacher with him? Keep him in the same room and move all the other toddlers to him? That's not crazy or demanding or weird to request, right?

But, tell me, did your kids have a hard time transitioning rooms at their day care/pre-school?

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I'm going to BlogHer next week. WILL I EVER STOP TRAVELING AND LEAVING MY CHILD WITH OTHER PEOPLE WHO LOVE HIM? It's also become so much harder to leave him now that he's older and fun and able to give me kisses and hugs goodbye. And punish me upon my return. Oh, hey, I'll just be over here preferring my dad to you, MOTHER.

Anyway, if you're going to be at BlogHer, please say hello. Here's a picture of me, so you know who to approach and hand a glass of champagne to.

I hope to meet you, all of you, and I also hope you'll swing by the small happy hour the Style Lush editors and writers are hosting.

We'll be in the Lobby Lounge of the Hilton Hotel at 5 p.m. on Saturday, August 7th. 

(Feel free to also email me for my cell number, in case you'd like to meet up at any other point over the weekend.)

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Randomly, any good books you've been reading? I'm on a reading kick. I haven't said that in three years.

August experiment?

Mike and I have been budgeting for a couple months now, and I'm pretty proud of us. The budget categories that give us the most problems are fairly consistent: groceries, eating out, medical. I give us a slight pass on medical because while it's been consistently higher than we thought it would be, the amount is inconsistent. Sometimes it's $5 over, sometimes it's $100.

(I would like to point out it's never because of me. My immune system would like a thank-you note from the other members of this family.)

There are also annoying financial things you can't predict for like the car tires that needed to be replaced, the car seat that needed to be purchased, the property taxes I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT, and the random days Kyle had to go to day care that we didn't plan for.

But, we're getting better with grocery shopping, and I think with a little more experience in the kitchen, I'll be able to shave off more and more money from those bills. I'm trying to utilize ingredients we already have and replace this cheese with that cheese that's already in the fridge and things like that. Simple for the seasoned cook, but I'm not seasoned. I'm trying, and I think I'm (and we're) doing pretty good.

But.

There's one area we struggle with and that's eating out. Chalk it up to being a rather social couple or that date nights are important to us, but we eat out too often. Not nearly as much as we used to, but too much. See, I'd rather go to a nice dinner than buy shoes. That's a new development, but does it really matter what you're unnecessarily spending money on as long as you're unnecessarily spending it?

We can do better.

When I was eating far too much fast food last year, I went without it for 30 days and while I still have it from time to time, I sort of credit that as the beginning of the end of my regular consumption of total and utter crap.

So, I suggested to Mike the other day that we not eat out the month of August. He said sure. Obviously this won't work in New York City for BlogHer and there may be a work dinner squeezed in for my five-year anniversary with my company, but for the time we're home, we won't spend our own money to dine out.

Mainly, I just want to see how much we can save, how hard the challenge really is for us, how creative we can be with dates and time with friends when not dining in restaurants, and if this makes me a slightly better planner (I don't plan lunch often enough and neither does Mike).

I went meatless for a month, I gave up alcohol for Lent, I ran 25 miles and worked out (almost!) every day of June. I can do this, I know I can, and I also know it'll be good for our family and our budget.

Money is tough for us and while we are paying all our bills and doing pretty okay and making vacations work (although Portland only happened because of a free flight and stay, which is how all vacations should work, don't you think?), I know that managing our finances is slowly becoming more and more in our control. It hasn't always been. We've been in the financial passenger seat for years, I'd say, and it has sucked quite a lot. 

I don't want it to suck anymore, so we're taking control.

So, wish us luck in August. We'll see how it goes.

I will use my own drink tickets this time

I went to BlogHer in 2008, and I kind of did it all wrong. First, I was pregnant and all those drink tickets were a total waste, but I also went with the wrong state of mind, too. It was fun, and I still look back fondly on a lot of it, especially knowing the baby I was collapsing into bed at 9 p.m. for turned out to be Kyle. He was nothing but morning sickness and exhaustion back then! Look at him now.

But, still, I'm going to BlogHer this year not knocked up (so help me) and with an anything-goes kind of mindset. I'm pretty good in social situations, but I let my shyness win over too much two years ago, and I'm either going to kick that completely or just fake it.

Regardless, are you going to be there? I've been meaning to ask you because I'd really love to meet you.

Also, apropos of nothing, tell me what you're coveting these days over at Style Lush.

A few things I considered writing full posts on today but made into bullets instead

- Our Rumble With Atmos Energy. Our meter apparently got all wonky last month, so the Atmos Powers That Be had to estimate our last two bills. December: $35; January: $520. In short, Atmos Energy should never enter one of those Guess How Many Gumballs Are in The Jar contests.

- The Mystery of the Disappearing Tequila. We had a practically full bottle of tequila in our garage (what, that's not where YOU keep your tequila? strange) and now we don't, and apparently there is an alcohol-loving thief on the loose in small-town Texas. LOCK UP YOUR BOOZE.

- I tried Level 2 of the 30-Day Shred last night. And then I died.

- It's supposed to snow on Friday. I couldn't see my screen through my tears to finish that post.

- Style Lush is still kicking ass, taking names, but there's one little thing I didn't take into account when I launched the site: that I would never be able to afford 95% of the fantastic things featured, and that's really a shame.

- How Kyle strangely threw up on himself the other night, twice, without ever waking up. He just sat up (eyes closed), puked, let me wash him off and change him and then went back to bed (then repeated all that an hour later). He seemed fine the next day (and today). Why is parenting so effing strange (and gross, my god)?

- ELIZABETH IS HAVING A GIRL!

- Life Unexpected, One Tree Hill, Friday Night Lights (or maybe I considered devoting an entire post to each)

- Mike is making Kyle's cake for his birthday party. I came home last night to an episode of Hoarders: Post-Baking Kitchens Edition. 

- I'm putting together a video for Kyle's first birthday, and it's 1) HEARTBREAKING and 2) difficult as shit to sift through THOUSANDS, I AM NOT KIDDING, of photos. It's also hard to pick out songs to dub over the video that other bloggers haven't already used. Annoying.

- Are you going to BlogHer '10? I am! Show yourselves, so I can start memorizing faces now!