She Likes Purple

My 2014

(2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, and 2013. Inspired all these years by Linda) 

1. What did you do in 2014 that you'd never done before? 

Visited Central America, watched Kyle splash in the Atlantic Ocean, read 47 (!!) books in a single year, walked my son into his Kindergarten class, drove solo from Los Angeles to San Diego (boy, did that take longer than expected, California traffic), took a bicycle wine tour in Canada's Niagara wine country, slept in a tree house, drank beer in the oldest "Irish tavern" in New York City, enjoyed a massage on the beach, visited Venice Beach (and saw Muscle Beach), rode in an inter-tube through a cave, saw a MotoGP race in person, had professional family photos taken, watched my sister get a tattoo, toured the New York Times, sat in the same room as Lauren Graham, ate at Tavern on the Green in Central Park, stayed at an AirBnb place by myself, spent Christmas with both my parents (as an adult, since they divorced), celebrated my birthday on Bourbon Street, and probably a dozen other things my old, fuzzy brain can't think of.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 

Like last year, I counted up how much I accomplished this past year, based off my annual to-do list, and finished about 50%. Not quite what I was aiming for (obviously) but I'm still pretty proud of myself. Have to be.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

It was a good year for beautiful babies. Kristie, Natalie, a close friend Jen, Miriel, and many other lovely people. 

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, so very thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit?

I rarely get to answer this question, but this year I was fortunate enough to travel to both Belize and Canada. I also visited a handful of states, though none for the first time: Oklahoma (2x), Louisiana, California, New York, Florida, Nevada, and all over Texas (Austin 3x, New Braunfels, Tyler, Gruene).

6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you didn't have in 2014? 

Time with my brother.

7. What dates from 2014 will be etched upon your memory, and why? 

The usual suspects: birthdays of those I love most, anniversaries of special days, and also July 3rd, when we hosted a wonderful, family- and fun-filled early July Fourth celebration. (Friends from DC were here, my dad was here, a neighbor came over for the first time. Such a full house and heart.)

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?

I went to therapy for the first time in a very long time, to sort out some not-so-healthy thought patterns and stress reactors. After years of wanting to take that step, I'm pretty proud of myself for taking it this year.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I'm hard on myself, so the (mental) list is long. Giving those failures a voice is toxic.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing out of the ordinary, thankfully.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Our family photo shoot with Natalie.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My sweet mother. She had a hard year, with a lot of ups and downs, and she's doing her best to welcome what will hopefully be a much healthier, happier year.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

About 90% of the people in the comments section of any given online, news-related article.

14. Where did most your money go?

Scattered far and wide! Taxes, debt, travel, but as of late August, NO LONGER DAY CARE, THANK EVERYTHING, DRINKS ON ME. 

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Belize, our MotoGP trip, my work trip to LA & San Diego, Kyle starting Kindergarten, my trip to Canada to visit my sister, Christmas.

16. What song will always remind you of 2014?

If Taylor Swift didn't sing it, I'm probably not going to think of 2014 when I hear it.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

Happier: Yes.
Thinner: Eh.
Richer: Always, with every passing year, with nothing to do with money.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Texted, called, emailed, or sent a note to someone when I thought of them. There's no time like the present to reconnect or stay connected with someone you care about. It's the thought that counts is actually ridiculous, when you think of it, because no. It's the time you spend putting that thought into action that actually counts.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Kicked myself around. Kindness is key, to everyone you meet, but never more important than toward yourself.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

My dad came to Texas for Christmas for the first time, and we hosted Christmas Eve dinner with my little family, my parents (whose ability to be warmly together without drama is something I'm deeply grateful for), and Mike's parents. It was perfect. Then, we got up Christmas morning to open gifts before I cooked the morning away. Naps followed, and then we enjoyed another delicious dinner with those same loved ones over at my in-laws' house. One of my favorite Christmases ever.

21. Did you fall in love in 2014?

Yes! With my local library. 

22. What was your favorite TV program?

I've watched a lot of TV in my day, but I didn't really discover a new show this year--except maybe Peaky Blinders, but I'm just one episode in--so I'll just say The Good Wife. Consistently good TV right there. Oh, and I really loved live-texting The Vampire Diaries with Elizabeth. So much fun.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Hate isn't actually productive at all.

24. What was the best book you read?

Post to come with my 10 favorites from 2014, but I'll spoil that post by saying my favorite of the year was probably The Art of Fielding.

From it: "You told me once that a soul isn't something a person is born with but something that must be built, by effort and error, study and love. And you did that with more dedication than most, that work of building a soul -- not for your own benefit but for the benefit of those that knew you."

For a book (not really) about a small college's baseball team, I sure did get punched in the gut in the best possible way.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

1989, friends. 

26. What did you want and get?

Time in hammocks, so many good books read, an international vacation (I got two!), a warm and family-filled Christmas, a new car for Mike. A little more peace at work than in 2013.

27. What did you want and not get?

Same answer as last year: there will always be something.

28. What was your favorite film of 2014?

I didn't see many movies this year, but I did really enjoy Begin Again.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 32 on January 3rd and Mike and I celebrated in New Orleans. It was actually the perfect birthday, and it inspired me to plan another getaway for this upcoming birthday as well. Where will we go in 2016?

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Winning lottery ticket? Yeah, I probably wouldn't pass on one of those. 

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2014?

"Thank you, Stitch Fix."

32. What kept you sane?

Mike, Kyle, laughter, Natalie, adventures, the Serial podcast, reading, my mother, my mother-in-law, animal GIFs, cheese, wine, cheese and wine at the same time, sitting in my work best friend's office, fresh air, deep breaths, Molly snuggling in my lap, naps, therapy, perspective, cooking, and a million other tiny, beautiful things. 

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

Lack of humanity, is that a political issue? Sure felt like one this year, and it gutted me, often.

34. Who did you miss?

My brother. It's been since 2011. Too long.

35. Who was the best new person you met?

Kyle's Kindergarten teacher.  

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014.

Choose to be kind as often as you possibly can. And don't keep the kind thoughts you have to yourself. Speak them out loud, often, and with sincerity. 

Here's to a wonderful 2015, for us all.

Ten

Mike and I became Mike and I ten years ago today. 

(Imagine a lovely picture from the last 10 days here.)

We're worlds away from that first awkward day of us, not knowing a damn thing about each other, about where we'd go, what we'd become, what little boy we'd make one day. I didn't even know his last name that day. (To my defense, it's kind of a tough one.) I also didn't know if he'd call the next day. Though I knew I wanted him to.

He did.

Happy you-no-longer-celebrate-it-though-I-still-write-sappy-blog-posts-about-it anniversary, Michael! Thanks for calling me the next day and for giving me your last name a few (hundred) days after that. 

Best tens years of my life.

My 2013

(2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, and 2012. Inspired all these years by Linda) 

1. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before? 

Saw the Constitution, took a solo trip with Kyle (make that two!), ate biscuits in South Carolina, helped throw my company's tenth anniversary party, visited the Hoover Dam, hosted (an incredible) Friendsgiving, read 25+ books for pleasure, paid off Mike's student loans (!!!!!!), took a weekend trip to Possum Kingdom, celebrated being friends with Natalie for over 20 years, watched my son walk down the aisle as a ring bearer in a beautiful wedding, made braised short ribs, saw Mumford & Sons in concert, dined Outstanding in the Field, took Kyle on a cable car, greeted a day with yoga on the beach, drank a Boulevard Wheat in the city its brewed in, saw my mom's childhood home, started a nostalgia wall, hung out in the same room as Connie Britton and Kyle Chandler, saw "Once" on Broadway, took Kyle to his first baseball game, saw the White House, ate at Commander's Palace, drove Skyline, and so much more.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 

I nerdily counted up how much I accomplished last year, based off last year's to-do list, and it was over 50%. That's not mouth-on-the-floor impressive, but it ain't too shabby either. I'll even pat myself on the back for it.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Jen and A'Dell

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not close to me, I can't quite claim that, but one of the writers I worked with during my time at Smart Pop Books -- Ned Vizzini -- died a few days ago, and it's actually hit me rather hard. I worked with him, albeit briefly, but I also got to meet him when I went to Comic-Con in 2011. He was gracious, kind, so funny, and just this positive presence in a sea of chaos that week.

He'll be missed.

5. What countries did you visit?

No new countries, other than my own, but I did see four new states (Virginia, Maryland, Kansas, South Carolina), and six I'd already been to (California, Missouri, Nevada, Oklahoma, Louisiana, New York). 

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you didn't have in 2013? 

A few more exhales, more relaxation, more belly laughs, more work-outs, less debt.

7. What dates from 2013 will be etched upon your memory, and why? 

Early in 2013 I booked a trip to California for Kyle and me, so most of the year October 12th was etched in my memory as the day we were starting our adventure. 

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?

Last year I mentioned my promotion, so this year's might feel a bit small in comparison, but I read 25 books in 2013. (Actually 27!) That's nothing to some readers, but it's the most I've read in a single year since college, maybe longer than that. I'm so proud I finally met this goal, years after making it. Just goes to show, sometimes things take a little longer than you expected, but don't go giving up on them because of that.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Oh boy, I felt like a physical failure this year. I wanted to get in shape once and for all (after years of the scale going up and down and up and down) (and up and down) and I didn't. I just didn't. It was a busy, stressful, somewhat difficult year and I shelved most of my fitness goals. I hope I can right the ship in 2014.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I got the flu/pneumonia/an upper respiratory infection this December and duddddes, that sucked. The rest of the family got it too and we simultaneously had an ice storm. Let's never speak of that weekend again.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Our Ninja blender, our king-sized mattress, a few plane tickets, and our new car (a Prius; what that car has done to our gas bill is a thing of beauty).

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

I am so grateful to have incredible people in my circle. People who are giving, tolerant, kind, funny, smart, and so much more. I'm a lucky lady for the people I get to call my people.

All that said, I got to see my stepmom for an entire week this year (it's been a while since that happened), and she was so wonderful with Kyle (and with me and with my sister and my nephew). She loves us like her own, though she's no longer with my dad. Family you choose and who choose you back. That deserves celebration.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Walter White? Well, him and a few people in my Facebook feed. 

14. Where did most your money go?

If you added it all up I bet taxes, Kyle, our mortgage, and then our car. Being a grown-up is expensive.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Late summer and fall were jam-packed with adventures, starting with a quick trip to Vegas, then a Mumford & Sons concert, then a Kansas City trip with my mom and sister, then celebrating Mike's birthday, then a Charleston trip with the internet, then a week-long California trip with my favorite four year old, then a once-in-a-lifetime experience dining Outstanding in the Field, then celebrating Halloween with the cutest astronaut there's ever been.

It was like a three-month period of excitement. I needed a long nap after it was all over, and my wallet needed a break too.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?

Fall Out Boy's "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark." It might not be your indie song of choice, but it was Kyle's favorite song of the year. I bet I played it 200 times, maybe more. I'm going to insist we play it at his wedding, and I bet he rolls his eyes so hard at me, they fall right out of his head. 

I'm going to miss age four.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

Happier: Clawing to happier
Thinner: Clawing to thinner 
Richer: Richer, in the right ways

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Always the same (when will I learn): work out, go to bed at a reasonable hour, go to yoga more often, bite my tongue when harsh words are on it, smile, breathe, enjoy life. 

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

All the opposites of #18. 

20. How did you spend Christmas?

We woke up at 7am on the dot, opened gifts (a lot of Legos and Hot Wheels in our house!) and then packed up and headed down to New Braunfels with Mike's parents to celebrate the holiday with Mike's sister and her family. We opened more gifts upon arrival and then relaxed before a delicious steak and shrimp and mashed potato dinner. There was champagne too. 

I ended the night reading my new Kindle in bed. 

It was warm and wonderful.

21. Did you fall in love in 2013?

I fell in love with the biscuits in Charleston (what a place), Boulevard Wheat, Breaking Bad, reading (again), age four (before age four-and-a-half gave me a run for my money), Raylan Givens, Washington DC, and the Smitten Kitchen's braised short ribs.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Justified, Breaking Bad, The Good Wife, and all those crappy Bravo reality shows that let me zone out for an hour or twenty. 

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Nah. 

24. What was the best book you read?

Incredibly tough choice, but I think I'd say Wild (which was ironically the first book I read this year).

"It seemed like a long time and also it seemed like my trip had just begun, like I was only now digging into whatever it was I was out here to do."

I couldn't relate to the exact experiences of the author, but could I ever relate to what it feels like to be broken and what it feels like to heal yourself, one painful step at a time. What it feels like to be alone and scared and then to dig deep to find whatever courage is needed to keep going. What it feels like to make absolutely awful choices and then to make better and better ones until you forgive yourself.

I just absolutely loved it, and I'm so glad I read it.

Honorable mentions: The Rules of Inheritance, Eleanor & Park, The Snow Child, and Me Before You

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I sucked at discovering new music this year, so, hey! What new music did you discover?

26. What did you want and get?

Time with my sister (two trips!), solo trips with Kyle (two of those too!), a trip with Mike (DC in the springtime!), a new bed (king-sized baby!), a new car, and a Friendsgiving dinner at my house. 

27. What did you want and not get?

There will always be something.

28. What was your favorite film of 2013?

I try to go with my gut when I answer these "favorite of" questions so The Way, Way Back and Gravity. I also loved End of Watch, though that's from 2012.

And, I fought the crowds to see Catching Fire on opening night and wasn't disappointed. 

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 31 way back in early January, and the Aggies won the Cotton Bowl (just for me, I like to think). We had friends over to watch the game and ordered pizza and drank beer to celebrate. 

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I've been saying winning lottery ticket for years now, and I'd never turn one of those down. But, also, I think if I could have set more boundaries between work and home, that would have made for a more satisfying year. I brought a lot of work stress home with me, and my boys just deserve better than that.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2013?

"Buying a lot of cute shoes until she figures out how to get to the gym regularly."

32. What kept you sane?

Mike, reading, writing, Natalie, baking, champagne, a clean house, talks with great girlfriends, weekends away, that little boy of mine who has the best laugh in all the world.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

I think until all 50 states allow all consenting adults to marry, my answer will be marriage equality.  

34. Who did you miss?

If you don't live in driving distance, I miss you. (Same answer as the last two years.)

35. Who was the best new person you met?

There are a few new authors of mine that I think really high of, but also the parents of the other players on Kyle's soccer team. They're just really decent people, and I'm glad to share the sidelines with them for so much of the year.  

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

Some people are going to find what you do (whatever you do) absolute crap. They're going to make fun of you and roll their eyes and think they can do better. They'll try to make you feel small because they feel small (or maybe just because they suck) and they can really ruin your day or your mood or your confidence if you let them.

Never let them.

Happy 2014 to you and you and you.  

Belated high-fives

As I mentioned in my last post, Mike was out of town last week. He was gone Monday through Friday and while I missed him like mad and Kyle missed him like mad and life is just nicer when he's around, I wouldn't call our week without him impossible. Tiring, sure, but a lot of weeks are tiring, even when it's not just me solely in charge. I commute, Kyle is four (he's kind of on high-volume most of the time), and work for us both has been stressful lately, so we have tiring down.

But, our week flying solo was a lot, it was a lot of rushing around, a lot of dropping balls, a lot of collapsing in bed as soon as Kyle was asleep. I felt like high-fiving all single moms after Mike returned home, and not because it was such a hard week but because life is a lot, it's always a lot, and when you're juggling a lot on your own, you deserve high-fives. You do. You deserve all the high-fives, in fact, and then a Carribean vacation.

My dad left when I was nine and a couple years after that, my mom, sister, and I headed to Texas without him to start a new and more financially feasible life, and we each gave my mom hell in very specific and different ways until we moved out (my sister gave her school hell and I gave her boy hell, for those curious).

My mom and I used to butt heads a lot, especially in high school, especially after my sister moved out. I remember when I got accepted to college, she and I were in a huge, silent fight. We hadn't talked in days, but I called to tell her the news and she forgave me on the spot. We celebrated by going to Boston Market, something we loved to do together back then.

I imagine it was a lot for her, to work full-time and raise me, a boy-obsessed, self-destructive silly girl who stopped meeting her potential the day she turned 15. She probably wanted to come home and have a glass of wine at the end of the day without me pouting around the house, whining that LIFE IS HORRIBLE, BUY ME JEANS AND ALSO GIVE ME MONEY. 

I was a normal teenager (I think?), but she deserved better, a break from me every now and then that she never really got because life is a lot and she was always in charge.

Parenthood opens up all these truths to you, and some of these truths are that our parents were wrong, they could and should have done better, and some of these truths are that our parents did the very best they could possibly do and they deserved better than we gave them in return. It surprises me which past memories fall into which category. 

One truth that's separated itself from the rest for me, though, is that my mom was a single mom, and not just some of the year but most of the year. Life is a lot and it was always up to her to handle it, and I don't remember her enjoying a glass of wine at the end of any day. Man, I bet she needed it. 

So, it's not that a week without Mike is impossible, it's that a week without Mike reminds me that my mom was (and is) a badass and she deserved a few high-fives for getting my sister and I safely to adulthood all on her own. She didn't get them then, but I'm giving them to her now. 

Mom, next time, the wine is on me. 

Usually Scarier in my Head

I was sitting at my desk at work, in late May, when all of a sudden I started seeing sunbursty-type light flashes. Okay, that's not the technial term for them but, damn, that's pretty accurate. I've been saying "I saw spots" but that wasn't quite it. They were brighter and burstier than spots. It was a ten-minute episode when I genuinely thought I was either going blind or dying. I tried to Google THROUGH them, but that wasn't helping me stay calm. (BRAIN CANCER.)

Ten minutes later, they were gone.

(I dealt with this the way I usually deal with things that genuinely scare me: tell few people, live in denial.)

Fast forward to last week and the whole thing happened again in a meeting (that I thankfully wasn't leading), and I left a message for my eye doctor the moment I got out of the meeting. Once, I can live in a nice state of denial and assume it's nothiiiiing. Twice, I AM OBVIOUSLY DYING, I SHOULD SEE SOMEONE ABOUT IT.

(My head is a fun place.)

My eye doctor is wonderful and has evening appointments once a week. She got me in that week (which was last week), so I only had to wait a few days. The fact that she didn't want to see me immediately actually gave me a little comfort. (Once, years ago, when I called Kyle's doctors and described a few symptoms that were concerning me, the nurse got very quiet and then said, "You need to bring him in immediately, like as soon as you can possibly drive here." That was the time he had staph. All ended up fine!)

Anyway, Mike was also out of town last week, and I didn't want to stress him out, so I didn't tell anyone until the day before my appointment. Then I told everyone because my nerves got the better of me. (Twitter was, per usual, a huge comfort. You think sending out an 140-character tweet of support to a virtual stranger doesn't help? So wrong. Helps A LOT.)

When I finally sat down in my doctor's chair and described the symptoms to her, she said, "I'm going to show you a picture and don't overthink it, just answer yes or no, is this what you experienced?" As soon as I saw the picture, I basically yelled, "YES, THAT'S IT."

Classic ocular migraines, she told me. She experieced them too, and they're for sure scary but not that scary. She gave me a few reasons they could have started happening -- hormomal shifts, circulatory issues, stress, even -- so I'm going to try and address a few possible culprits to get healthier and hopefully nip these stupid things in the bud. 

I put off all kinds of things because the thought of facing them just doesn't seem like something I particularly want to do. Stupid, quite honestly. I can be stupid. The feeling of facing something and it being managable is always better than worrying your head off. Putting things off? Not better. So, you know, go to the doctor. Check that thing out. It's likely nothing and if it's something it's likely better than what your head's made it out to be. (Or is it just my head that's so nutty?)

Anyway, I totally treated myself to Subway after my appointment because, you know, EARNED IT.

A Day in the Life

(inspired by Janssen)

I nearly titled this "A Typical Day" but I realized there's just no typical day for us. Our lives are all over the place, and that's probably true for a lot of you, too. We try to create routines but damn if life doesn't make that hard. (Shaking my fist at life...)

Anyway, I wanted to record our steps for an entire day not because my life is all that interesting (oh, it's so not as you'll find out at about 10am) but because this is the kind of thing I'm going to enjoy looking back on one day.

7am: Kyle wakes me up, and I give him my phone to play with so I can steal ten more minutes of sleep.

7:10am: Okay, I'm up! I get Kyle breakfast and he eats while I take a shower. I remind him that when I get out of the shower he'll need to get dressed for school. 

7:20am: I'm out of the shower and Kyle goes (slowly, oh so slowly) to his room to get dressed. 

7:30am: I'm dressed and getting ready and Kyle comes into the bathroom so I can tie his shoes.  

7:35am: Kyle gives Mike a kiss and hug goodbye while I pack his bag for soccer practice after school. Kyle reminds me not to forget his soccer ball. 

7:40am: I grab a granola bar to eat in the car.

7:42am: I kiss Mike good-bye and tell him to have a good day. He hugs me for just an extra second. Funny how much I need that extra second.

7:45am: We're out of the house! Not exactly on time but good enough. On the way to the car Kyle sees a bunny that lives in our backyard and he gets so excited. I tell him that means we'll have good luck all day and then we wave good-bye to the bunny. Kyle says, "Have a great day, bunny! And you too Molly!" We drive off, waving.

(Bunny spotting!)

8:05am: We pull up to Kyle's school, which is usually just five minutes door to door. It took so much longer because, well, traffic. 

8:07am: Forgot the tuition check, so I run out to the car to get it. We're using the loose definition of run here, of course.

8:10am: Back in the car and on my way to work. 

8:23am: Remember my granola bar! It's the little things.

8:27am: Hit some unexpected traffic. (You know those six-word memoirs that were all the rage for a while? One of mine would absolutely be: Well shit, got stuck in traffic.)

(Unexpected traffic face with bonus Kendra Scott earrings!)

9:07am: Finally get to work, a few minutes late. 

9:15am: I make a cup of coffee (uh, of course) and chat quickly with my favorite co-worker.

9:20-10:30am: So many emails. I worked late the night before, getting my inbox under control, but I still come in to about 50 new ones I need to respond to or forward along. Also, my to-do list. It's very long.

10:30am-12:00pm: More work. It's a rare morning that I don't have a meeting or call, so it feels downright luxurious to put my head down and charge through my to-do list, uninterrupted. You are now oozing with jealousy of my rocking life, I'm sure. 

12pm: Leave for lunch. I have a work meeting with a local author, to go over her marketing plan.

12:13pm: Arrive for lunch, begin perusing the menu. Oh, menu perusing is one of my favorite things. 

(Settled on a Caesar salad with a side of salmon.)

1:45pm: Head back to the office. 

2pm: Call with a company we hope to advertise with. 

2:12pm: Call is done! Oh, under-15-minute calls are my very favorite.

3pm: Afternoon coffee and note writing. I know, afternoon coffee should be a very bad decision but my body is miraculous in that caffeine works on it (as it should) but it doesn't stop me from falling asleep whenever I'd like to.

4:40pm: Head out early, so I can make it to Kyle's school in time for soccer practice. 

5:37pm: Pull into Kyle's school. Chat with his teacher for a few minutes and head to the school bathroom to change Kyle into his soccer clothes. Oh, look! I forgot one of his cleats, so he has to wear his regular shoes. He is not thrilled with me for this. (Kyle is very rigid about few things but what he wears is one of them.) We have a brief heart-to-heart about how mommy might disappoint him on a much grander scale in the future, and I'm super sorry about the shoes but can we shake it off and move on? Eventually, we do. 

6:03pm: Pull into the soccer field parking lot. Again, the soccer field is five minutes, tops, from Kyle's school. Traffic can suck it. 

(He's briefly forgiven me for the cleat incident.)

6:06pm: Kyle realizes I ALSO forgot his water bottle. (There IS a water fountain directly next to the soccer fields, I'd like it noted.) He yells across the field to me, sititng on the bleachers, "MOMMY, YOU FORGOT EVERYTHING." I briefly think about pretending he doesn't belong to me (but all the parents know me) and then I briefly think about yelling back, "OH REALLY? DID I FORGET YOUR SOCCER BALL? NO I DID NOT." but that doesn't seem super mature (although it does seem super accurate). "Sorry, buds!" I yell back. I say a silent "you're welcome" to all the other parents for owning the "lamest soccer parent" award of the night. 

7pm: Soccer practice is over. I call Mike to give him a heads up we're on our way home. 

(Post-practice silliness and, uh, we're not driving here, I feel the need to clarify. I mean, of course we're not! He's not even buckled in! But "feeling the need to clarify" is one of the gifts the internet has given me.)

7:17pm: We pull into the driveway. Oh, it feels good to be home. 

7:19pm: Mike bought me flowers, and they're waiting for me on the table. This feels a little stagey for this post but I swear he is not a regular flower-buyer. He bought me some for Valentine's and then, before that, uh maybe our fourth anniversary in 2011. This night is a coincidence! Swear it!

7:20pm: I'm in yoga pants and QUICKLY. That's how I roll. 

7:30pm: Mike makes Kyle a PB&J sandwich for dinner (I wish I had whipped up some delicious meal for dinner on this day, to impress all of you, but sandwiches is ALSO how I roll.) Mike then makes me a fried egg sandwich. 

(With Doritos on the side. NUTRITIOUS.) 

8pm: Kyle brushes his teeth, washes his face, etc. while I ... tweet, I'm sure.

8:20pm: Story time. I think I read a Berenstain Bear book this night.

8:25pm: Mike came in and we had family story time for a couple minutes. Mike made funny noises, Kyle cracked up, I tried to keep everyone focused on the plot of the story (unsuccessfully). Hugs! Kisses! 

8:36pm: Big plans to go work-out.

8:37pm: In bed.

9pm: Asleep.

I'd like to do this once a month (I see a book-type-thing created with my once-a-month "Day in the Life" posts) but, in reality, I bet you get another one of these posts in 2014. No sooner.

Friendiversary

When we were 11, I made Natalie buy best friend necklaces. Like, all the time. You know, the really cool yin-yang-type necklaces that turned your skin green ten seconds after you put one on. I made her buy about a million of them.

It's not easy to be friends with me, but this lady has it down. She's been doing it for 20 years. 

Good, bad, really good, really bad. She's been there. And even when she wasn't there, she was there. Maybe especially then.

In college, I was having big issues with another friend. I was sad about it, so I called Natalie. When I got engaged at 5am, I called Natalie. (Fine, Mike made me wait a couple hours, so it was more like 7am.) On my honeymoon, when Mike was snorkeling and I was bored of my (really not fit for beach-reading) book, I called Natalie. When I found out I was pregnant, I called Natalie. 

She hated the term "friendiversary" that I said about a million times over the weekend. She hated it but laughed while hating it. I like to think that while Natalie and I are so very different, we always find a way to laugh. I like to think that's our language. 

When Natalie and I were in middle school, we lived just blocks apart. We'd walk to each other's houses, nearly every day, through our neighbors' yard. Over the course of four years, we created a ditch in that yard. We walked so often through it, we changed it.

This is Natalie's friendship, in a nutshell. It's changed me. 

Twenty years. Man, that's a long time to be so lucky.

March Goals + February Goals Revisited

February was kind of tough for me, although I'm not entirely sure why. (I think it's just kind of a tough month in general.) I found myself saying a lot of harsh words under my breath this month, and my stress levels were kind of high. So, my goals list is a little sad. (Good news! I'm already dominating March's.)

At first, I had all these excuses listed beside the goals I didn't complete but, gah, that's annoying. So, without further navel-gazing:

February Goals, Revisited

1. Make that eye appointment 
2. Two Pinterest projects (more on those)
3. Read two books 
4. Throw Kyle a fourth birthday party (look!)
5. Go to five yoga classes 
6. Make 5 cookbook recipes 
7. Buy those frames!
8. Finish 30 days of Whole 30
9. Run a 5K
10. Email Kyle 28 times
11. Look into Rangers and Aggies tickets for the spring/fall 
12. Work on Kyle's letter book 
13. Create books from Christmas for my mom and sister (not on my 2013 goal list but a new goal all the same)
14. Send my brother a care package 

March Goals

1. Seriously, with the two books
2. Buy a pair of Kendra Scott earrings
3. Hang our frames!
4. Create a viewfinder for Kyle
5. Spraypaint something
6. Set a date for my champagne-inspired dinner
7. Go on a weekend trip with Natalie, to celebrate being friends for 20 years
8. Make baked ziti
9. Yes, seriously, with the eye appointment 
10. Go to five yoga classes
11. Thirty-one emails to Kyle
12. Finish Kyle's letter book 
13. Watch Argo and Zero Dark Thirty 
14. Host an Easter brunch and egg hunt
15. Send out (belated) thank-you notes for Kyle's birthday

What are you up to this month?

A Weird Shopping Declaration

I added something to my 2013 to-do list. (Also, hey, I've already crossed off a couple things! High-fives to me.) In 2012, I got a little out of control (mostly before vacations and big events) with online shopping. I needed a new pair of shoes to match a dress here and a new beach cover-up there and there are only so many times you can ignore the 40%-off sales at Lands End, am I right? The thing about online shopping is that everything looks good online. Okay, not everything. Not this:

It's amazing that there were actual human beings behind the decision to charge $278 for this thing.

Anyway, back to my point. You find something online and think it's just adorable on the 95-pound model and you order it and excitedly wait for it to arrive and then it does and then....huh? Well. That's interesting. It's less adorable and more "could be part of a Halloween costume." Ideally, for me, it would go right back to the store for a refund/exchange and it often would but not always. Sometimes the not-at-all-adorable thing would get tossed into my closet to re-sell or donate or hope that if I miraculously lost 45 pounds, it would somehow become adorable. 

It's easy to mis-spend your money through online shopping is what I'm getting at. How did I come to this groundbreaking conclusion? Well, last night I saw a skirt online that I really loved and it was something like $60 and I found that to be a little too much. But then I thought, Well, if I loved it and wore it often and through many seasons, it could be worth the investment. Then I went on to think, The only way I'll really know if it's worth the cost is if I try it on first. 

LIGHT BULBS! ALL THE LIGHT BULBS!

(You have begun to roll your eyes, haven't you? At 31, these light bulbs just went off for me. I know, I'm special.)

Yeah, so, to sum it up, I've decided no online (clothes) shopping in the year 2013. I'm making an exception if I find something in person, love it, and find it cheaper or in my preferred color/size online. That fine print just makes sense, don't you think? I mean, it'd be a stupid goal to say "ONLY SHOP IN STORES EVEN IF IT'S MORE EXPENSIVE AND NOT WHAT I WANT." Yeah, that's stupid. 

So, no online shopping (for the most part) and I hope this means I'll be more thoughtful about what I'm looking for and less "oh THAT'S cute in a thumbnail image, gimme!"

Anyway, you may not care at all about this shopping declaration (I'm now thinking why on earth would you?), but I'm still really excited about it. I want to feel good about the clothes I wear (inspired by Elizabeth, of course) and that means making sure those clothes actually look good on me before spending my money on them. And since I'm not tossing free time around my life like confetti, if I'm going to take the time to seek out something at a nearby shop, it's got to be something I think will really bring value to my closet. (I just said "value to my closet" like some kind of ass. Sorry about that.) Basically, if I'm getting off the couch for it, I need to want it. 

First up, I need a pair of jeans to see me through the spring. I don't have a pair that really fits right or flatteringly at my current weight. I don't want to drop hundreds on a seeing-me-to-a-hopefully-new-weight pair, but I don't want to get a crummy pair online at Old Navy, of course. So, I'm off to find a filler pair of jeans this weekend. Wish me luck!

***

PS: Very randomly, and not at all on topic with this post, did you watch the Golden Globes? Then you'll want to read this hiliarious photo recap. Especially this part: "I'm sorry you can't appreciate joy, Tommy Lee Jones." 

Thirty-One

I turned 31 yesterday, and it was a lovely, perfect, warm (on the inside) day.

I love birthdays and while I know that's not a universal feeling--just ask my husband who grumbles through his day each year--I still wish for you a birthday like I had when your day rolls around. We all deserve tacos with extra hot sauce and the fancy kind of champagne and co-workers who buy us flowers and in-laws who buy us Target gift cards and best internet friends who surprise us with a book straight off our to-read list and husbands who clean the bathroom while we lounge on the couch. Or, whatever your favorite things happen to be. Yes, that's what we all deserve on our birthdays: our favorite things. 

I'm about to bring this post down, after all that sweetness, you've been warned. See, every year, on my birthday, I think of a girl I went to high school with. I knew her, was friendly (enough) with her, and we even ate lunch in the same group for a semester when we were dating guys who were friends. We then went on to the same college, and we were waved-hello-from-across-campus, kind-of friends. We weren't close, by any means, but I knew her. I knew her.

She died right after she graduated, in a car accident. 

I don't know why her death hit me as hard as it hit me or why it stayed with me for so long. Why it's still with me, in a way.

See, every year on my birthday, I think of her. I think that she will never see 26 or 29 or 31. I think that her family would do anything to see her at those ages and that it's cruel, in a way, to complain about my own age when a girl I once (admittedly, barely) knew will never know the privilege of being 31. 

I don't know why her death stuck with me when countless tragedies happen every day, every minute. When Connecticut just happened last month. But every year on my birthday I think of her, and I think I owe it to her to enjoy this privilege of aging. 

This all sounds a little superior of me, I fear, especially when complaining about aging is normal, it doesn't make any of us wrong or awful or ungrateful. I think of her every year, though, and thinking of her keeps me from thinking about much else besides being glad to be whatever age I happen to be. 

I am 31 now, and I am just so glad to be.

Last night, at age 31, while Mike bought me queso and margaritas and Kyle held my hand. Yes, glad to be, indeed.

My Favorite To-Do List To Date

In case you're into looking back on (many) failed tasks and (also many) tasks with lines drawn through them, here are my 2010, 2011, and 2012 to-do lists.

2013 is below.

I tried hard to create tangible goals that weren't intimidating. Sure, I have some bigger, abstract goals that are hard to put on a list because you can't really cross them off, such as complain less, accept help more, be far less lazy, etc., but I think this list may be my best list yet. We'll see, of course. But I like it a lot.

1. Earn a 100-class yoga bracelet
2. Go on an overnight trip with Kristie and our families (possibly to Jellystone Park)
3. Visit a new state
4. Cook one dish a week from the cookbooks I own (52 delicious recipes!) 
5. Don't purchase a new cookbook the entire year
6. Finish Couch to 5K
7. Finish Couch to 10K
8. Make an eye appointment and buy new glasses (It's TIME. I've had my current ones as long as I've had Kyle.)
9. Finish a month of (the basic bones of) Whole30 (as a mostly vegetarian who eats a little fish)
10. Host a Friendsgiving
11. Read every book on Elizabeth's best of 2012 list
12. Read every book selected by my (awesome) book club (I've already read January and February's picks. Score!)
13. Run a 5K and a 10K (try to PR)
14. Take a stab at one Pinterest-inspired project a month. A new recipe, a craft, etc. (I'll call it "Pin of the Month," or something dorky like that.)
15. Finish Kyle's book of letters (This has been on my list for a while, I know, but it's a big project. I just need to make the time for it this year.)
16. Create our second family yearbook
17. Email Kyle every day of the year (365 Days of Emails)
18. Read 25 books throughout the year
19. Throw a champagne-inspired dinner party for my ladies
20. Seriously, get that third tattoo (I think I finally know what I want it to be)
21. Go horseback riding
22. Get my passport updated; get Kyle a passport (I wanted to do this in 2012 but, sheesh, you have to pay to update your name if the passport is over 5 years old. Uncool!)
23. Go a month without dairy
24. As much as possible, no eating after 9PM (obviously this can't always be helped and this is all about curbing the mindless snacking, not about skipping a late dinner)
25. Read the Bible (some of it, all of it, we'll see)
26. Learn a little web design and create one sidebar badge or Facebook cover or SOMETHING web-related
27. Pay off Mike's student loans (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (this deserves that many exclamation points, trust me)
28. Buy a living room rug
29. Hang travel photos above our couch
30. Menu plan each (and every) month
31. Figure out a shoe storage solution for my teeny, tiny closet
32. Don't buy a single new pair of shoes all of 2013
33. Take more neighborhood walks
34. Spraypaint something
35. Take a picture of what I'm wearing every Friday (or at least once a week), so I can pretend I'm as stylish as Elizabeth and also so I can be motivated to dress better
36. Make lasagna for a neighbor
37. Get a new pet
38. Take a family photo shoot (why do my favorite photographers have to live so far away!?)
39. Take Kyle to an Aggie football game
40. Make no-sew curtains
41. Clean out and organize all my kitchen drawers
42. Buy new hardware for my kitchen drawers/cabinets
43. Go on a weekend trip with Natalie, to celebrate being friends for 20 years
44. Paint our living room
45. Wear skinny jeans.
46. Buy/Make a personalized viewfinder for Kyle
47. Write an article/post about parenting an only child
48. Make Mike baked ziti again, the right way
49. Start Justified
50. Throw Kyle an awesome fourth birthday party
51. Re-read The Great Gatsby, in anticipation of seeing the movie
52. Take Kyle to a Rangers game
53. Run a race in Austin
54. Stay the night in Denton
55. Volunteer again with Meals On Wheels
56. Feel better about my physical health at the end of the year than at the start of it
57. Buy new champagne flutes
58. Eat a Butter Lane cupcake
59. Dance with my husband on our 6th anniversary
60. Pay off one credit card
61. Get my car detailed (and then try to keep that bad boy clean)
63. Do a full month (30 straight days!) of the 30-Day Shred
64. Set up a monthly Skype date with my sister and nephew
65. Be happy

I reserve the right to change, edit, and add to this list because that's the awesome thing about creating lists. I just want this year to be good, to be peaceful, to be full. Oh, I hope it can be all that.

My 2012

(2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, and 2011, first inspired all those years ago by Linda)

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?

I was interviewed about my day job on television (which I still haven't gotten the courage to even watch), kayaked in the ocean, potty-trained my kid, gave up meat (well, red and poultry), took Kyle to Disneyland, drank a Pimm's Cup in New Orleans, swam with bio-luminescent plankton in Puerto Rico, went zip-lining, was made marketing director at my company (!!), threw Mike a (kick-ass, to me) 35th birthday party, became a "soccer" mom, saw Jersey Boys, held my best friend's baby boy (Jack!), watched my school's QB win the Heisman, went to a fancy television premeire (wearing Target jersey cotton!), celebrated five years of marriage, interviewed a Top Chef, visited Cornell University, celebrated Christmas with both my son and my sister's son.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I'm quick to say I didn't but when I look at the list of new things I did (directly above), I'm also quick not to care.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes! Mike's sister (baby Ava!), Natalie, Jonna, many other friends. It was a good year for babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Mike's grandmother passed away in March, and it was a hard time for his whole family. She was an incredible woman, who taught Mike to be kind. We miss her.

5. What countries did you visit?

Just the U.S., again. I visited four states (Oklahoma, Louisiana, California, and New York) and also Puerto Rico.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you didn't have in 2012?

Such a good question. I think I'll go tangible and say, I'd like to have a new pin in my wall map, a new living room rug, a pair of skinny jeans, a 100-class yoga bracelet, and just a few more smiles. Always a few more smiles.

7. What dates from 2012 will be etched upon your memory, and why?

The usual suspects, February 5th (Kyle turned 3!) and May 19th (married for 5 whole years!) but also November 6th, the day President Obama was re-elected. I try not to get too political here but, damn, was I happy to pop the cork on some champagne that night. (Or, technically, super early the morning of November 7th.)

8. What was your biggest achievement of this year?

I got a promotion at work, which feels very big and cool and awesome. I also potty-trained a child and while I promised not to talk about it online (you're welcome), it was still a very big feat.

9. What was your biggest failure?

The same yo-yo lost/gained/lost/gained-again weight dance I like to do. Trust me, it's just as annoying for me as it likely is for you. 2013, will you please be different?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing out of the ordinary, thank goodness. I will say that I'm not a fan of the my-kid-catches-pneumonia-a-week-before-Christmas thing that happened to me.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Let's get really specific: Disneyland tickets. That day, with the glee written all over Kyle's face, was a worth-the-pricetag day.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

I feel like this is a good time to thank two really incredible people--my mom and Mike's mom. They each love Mike, Kyle, and me--together and individually--and I feel very blessed and very grateful every time I think of them. I'd throw a party every week to celebrate them, if I could. (That could get pricey and weird, though.)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I hate this question because actual people I know come to mind. I don't want to think of them when I think of my year, quite honestly.

14. Where did most your money go?

Bills, bills, debt, bills, travel, day care, bills, (and, fine) shoes.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I got to talk to Spike Mendelsohn (TALK TO HIM!) and I also got to stand in line, holding my kiddo's hand right before introducing him to Mickey Mouse. Don't worry, 19-year-old me is just as disgusted as you are at that previous sentence.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?

Oh, come on. Me and every other person with a pulse will say "Call Me, Maybe."

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

Happier: about the same
Thinner: about the same, maybe a few pounds more
Richer: yes

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Worked out, gone to bed earlier, all the healthier-choices wishes. But wishing for different never brings different, so I kind of hate this question.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Honestly, I wish I had been less lazy and less grouchy. Still, can't change the fact that I was often lazy and grouchy.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

It was a good day. I was with my mom, my sister and her family, my boys, and my Molly. I hadn't spent Christmas with my sister in 15 years and just getting to see her that morning was something else. Not to mention the moment Kyle opened a bag of candy and yelled, "JUST WHAT I WANTED!" 

21. Did you fall in love in 2012?

I'd say I fell in love with yoga in 2012.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Are any of you shocked to hear Sons of Anarchy? Also, The Good Wife and Sports Night. Oh, and becase we keep it real, The Vampire Diaries. I sure hope this guilty pleasure doesn't go the way of Gossip Girl for me.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Let's skip this bummer of a question, shall we?

24. What was the best book you read?

In the Woods, easily.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Of Monsters & Men, The Lumineers.

26. What did you want and get?

A five-year trip with my guy.

27. What did you want and not get?

A lot, but there's always 2013.

28. What was your favorite film of 2012?

People Like Us, I'd have to say. It was such a subtly beautiful film, especially for those of us with some father issues. I also just saw Lawless and really liked it.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 30! I had a party at my house, and many of my favorite people brought me champagne and gifts and hugs.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

A winning lottery ticket, always.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2012?

"She bought many adorable shoes, but she consistenly wore her Old Navy flats."

32. What kept you sane?

Yoga, writing, Natalie, Cherie, Mike, my family, (bad) TV, Twitter, good champagne, and that three-year-old boy of mine who gives the best hugs of anyone I've ever known.  

33. What political issue stirred you the most?

Every year, the same issue moves me like no other: those of the same sex who just want a marriage like I have. When I think of what I have with Mike--the fights, the love, the laughter, the tight hugs, and the easy conversation--and then I think that two people also want that but can't have it because of their anatomy and because of others' religion, I just get sick. I do. I know it's poloarizing! I know I may love you while you're against it! But I can't be against an adult who just wants to lay in bed and hold the hand of someone he/she calls "husband" or "wife" like I lay in bed and hold the hand of the person I get to call husband. I just can't. I never will be against that. Marriage equality. It moves me every year, among many other political issues.

34. Who did you miss?

If you don't live in driving distance, I miss you. (Same answer as last year.)

35. Who was the best new person you met?

I met Liz in 2012, for the first time, in person. We had tacos and margaritas and then we watched The Vampire Diaries on my couch and I just really hated geography when she had to leave. She's such a lovely, wonderful, hilarious, perfect friend, and I would have her over every week if I could.

I also met Caitlin and Carla for the first time and I love all three of these ladies so much I just feel like they will all be at my 50th birthday party and maybe at Kyle's wedding. You know those friends you meet in unconventional ways, the ones you chuckle a little bit when you introduce them to your mother-in-law at your vow renewal ceremony because, hahahaha, we actually met because of our blogs! Isn't that funny! Yeah, my gut tells me that these three ladies will be in my life forever. I'd be so lucky if that turns out to be true, my gut also tells me.

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.

I learned a lot from 2012 and if I could sum it all up, I'd say that life just takes a helluva lot of work. Life is more work than it is fun, you have to give more than you take, and you have to be better than you really want to be. For life to be worthwhile, you just have to work your ass off. Thankfully, there is champagne at the end of all that work.

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

            I know it's late but I can't help but think
           That the day hasn't shown all its cards
                   --Snow Patrol, "Dark Roman Wine"

2012's Greatest Accomplishment

Janssen--who is one of my favorite bloggers, she writes about such useful and applicable and accessible things that I am constantly bookmarking or pinning or remembering her brilliance for later--wrote about her 2012 greatest accomplishment the other day. I loved what she picked, and that it was so individual to her. 

I thought long and hard about my own greatest accomplishment and I was struggling! A whole year, that's big pressure. So I stopped over thinking it and just focused on when I felt most at peace and proud of myself and yoga came to mind. I signed up for a local studio this year and started going to classes both alone (which was kind of a big deal for me) and with friends. I've tried all the classes my studio offers and I've found favorite ones and not-so-favorite ones, but I do them all. I leave every single class feeling like I can be better, like I can be great.

(Of course, I occasionally lose that message standing in front of my fridge at midnight but, whatever, I am a flawed, cheese-loving human.)

I received my 25-class bracelet right before leaving for the Blathering and I was just so proud. 25 classes! That's something. I am adding "get my 100 class bracelet in 2013" to my 2013 to-do list and that both feels like a lofty goal and yet a totally achievable one. 75 classes in 13 months. About five classes a month? Yeah, I can do that. 

Accomplishments can feel a little weird because we like tangible things to show for them, impressive before-and-after photos or pieces of papers with official words on them or just the outside world telling us what we're doing is a Real Accomplishment. When sometimes it's just whatever makes us feel more like ourselves that's the greatest accomplishment. This year was spectacularly busy (aren't they all?) and it also felt like a year of questions, remember?, so it was just so nice to find something that made me feel more like me. Something I hope to do long-term, something that's all mine, something that challenges me but doesn't frustrate me.

It's great to have found it.

***

Completely unrelated, please please please check out these (so awesome) gift guides by some very talented Lush writers. Here's Style Lush (by Elizabeth) and Food Lush (by Caitlin). I get to work with brilliant people, and that's something very cool indeed. 

Quote

We moved offices this past week and I found a post-it buried in a desk drawer with this quote scribbled on it:

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer." 

2012 felt like a year of many questions for me, not anything dramatic or alarming. It was just a year I questioned myself some and felt a little uneven in my footing. So much good stuff, but a lot of noise in my head, too, if that makes any sense at all.

Anyway, I think 2013 might have some answers.

Vote Cast

I live in Texas, a red, red state, and while my state won't go to my guy (and even if the whole shebang doesn't go to my guy), I was proud to vote all the same. Although, I will say that my polling place was prepping for some sort of church potluck when I showed up Friday night and I didn't find it all that fair to have to stare at so many pies without being offered a single slice. 

You can kinda see my "I voted" sticker on my jacket.

No matter how tonight swings, I think we've all earned a piece of pie for getting through this election madness with our minds in tact. Or, in my case, as in tact as it was before.

(And because adorable is a nice way to end all things political, if you ask Kyle who his mommy voted for he'll say, "THE O MAN!" Come on, that's cute no matter how you politically lean, am I right?)

Lost and Finding

Mike wasn't looking for me, even in those early days when he had me. I've told this story before, this sort-of unromantic story of how the guy I was falling for was spending an awful lot of time swearing up and down he wasn't looking for a commitment, a relationship, me.

It seemed to happen gradually at the time, that our plans began to include each other, although in hindsight it happened very fast. He Wasn't Looking For A Relationship in January and loved me by May and that's not very long at all, but waiting makes time move much slower, doesn't it?

He fell in love with me despite himself, I think. He said he went home from work one day, swore he'd wait as long as he possibly could to call me--promising he could make it until the next day--and he lasted a half hour. I genuinely believe he didn't want a relationship, that he didn't think I was that relationship even if he had been looking for one, but life is funny, isn't it? I like to think I was just that utterly charming and adorable to make him break all his promises to himself. It was probably just bigger than us, from the very beginning, bigger than his protests, bigger than my craziness.

I tell you all of this (again, for the hundredth time?) to emphasize the magnitude of the moments from that first year when Mike would show his commitment to me. Like the time he sat me on his couch, instructing me to close my eyes while he placed a diamond necklace in my hands, a beautiful shiny investment in us. I thought I was the luckiest girl in all the world that night. I loved that necklace so much.

I think I've lost it. I can't find it. It was in our bathroom, with the rest of my jewelry, and now it's gone. I cried when I realized it was missing and I cried when I told Mike and I'm crying again now.

Why am I so brokenhearted? It's just a necklace! It's replacable! But, oooooh, it's not. Of course it's not. It was his first big gift to me, this guy who wasn't looking for a commitment with this girl he was buying diamonds for. 

Damn, I hope it turns up.

***

I've been feeling a little like that necklace these days--lost, out of place. I'm struggling with my diet, my work-outs, my dirty house, my sad yearly to-do list. I still feel impossibly busy each and every day, but I also feel impossibly behind and out of focus, too. I think it's likely the time of year combined with an insane workload combined with a really busy social calendar. It makes me want to crawl under my blankets with any free time I have. It does not make me want to do laundry, but that's no surprise to anyone who has ever met me.

Anyway, I've decided to try and shake myself out of this lostness by setting daily goals for myself, simple things I can write down at the beginning of each day to stay focused. I tweeted my list today, and I might do that more often.

It's so easy to forget what we want to accomplish each day as we tick through the actual hours, so I hope this simple idea has a positive effect.

I also really hope I find that necklace.

No Wants

Starting today, I'm giving up my wants.

After a particularly high credit card bill last month--for many valid reasons, including a trip to Disneyland and some medical bills that needed to be paid, but for also some pretty invalid ones, including shoes--I took a close look at this month's statement (so far) and highlighted everything that didn't need to be spent. I'll cut it to you straight, it was $410.92. That's not thousands of dollars or an impulse tv purchase or anything but it's a plane ticket, it's an extra car payment (and then some). It's a lot.

Now that Christmas is looming and my birthday is a mere nine days after that, there's no reason to spend $410.92 on anything I don't need. Gifts are coming! Gifts for others need to be bought! We still have a mortgage!

So, deep breath, through the end of the year, no more wants. That means no more shoes, no extra Blathering outfits, no impulse home decor purchase. I've done this before, with a lot of success, and I'm doing it again. This doesn't include some things that might be included on your wants list. Spending time with friends and the occassional family dinner out is considered a need, in my book, even if you think my book is made of lies. Still, whenever possible, I'm going to opt for the cheaper social option. Hosting a happy hour in my yard instead of at a pricey wine bar. Making a picnic family dinner, etc. 

One other thing I'm going to start implementing is a work-out jar. Every time I work-out, I put a $1 in the jar. At the end of the year, that money is mine to spend guilt-free. (Please let it be more than $5.)

Want to join me in this no wants adventure?

All About Cranberry Juice

I haven't written Kyle's birth story yet and it's safe to say that's probably never going to happen. I mean, the kid is going to be four (omg) in February, so I think that particular blogging ship has sailed. This is actually okay with me, though. It was such a perfect day, it's kind of nice to keep it all to myself. (I often say the nine months before and the two months after were hell but those two days in the hospital were pure perfection.)

One tiny little tidbit of a thing that came back to me tonight, though--as I was looking in the fridge in our garage and noticed a random  bottle of cranberry juice that someone left at our house--was how we had free reign over the juice fridge in our hospital. I would send Mike down the hall once an hour, it felt like, on strict orders to fetch a giant cup of ice pellets and a couple containers of cranberry juice, so I could pour the latter over the former and chug it down. It had been years since I'd had cranberry juice, but it was just delicious after nine months of being sick, sick, sick. I don't know if there will ever be a good way to describe the awfulness that is puking at nine months pregnant from nausea AND heartburn. COMBINED!

That cranberry juice somehow made me feel normal after so many months of feeling the absolute opposite of normal. Feeling horrible, feeling awful, feeling humbled by how many public places I threw up in. I could enjoy eating and drinking things again! GIVE ME ALL THE CRANBERRY JUICE. (Also all the cupcakes and donuts. ALL OF THEM.)

It was so long ago, being pregnant, having Kyle, taking a newborn home, utterly confused and shocked and scared as to what to do with him. I know how to parent Kyle of October 2012 just fiiiiine. I question myself at times, sure, but most of the time I really don't. I'm his mom. A mom of an almost-four-year-old. We got this, you know.

Then I open our garage fridge and see a half-gallon of cranberry juice and catapult back to being in that hospital bed, holding my teeny-tiny boy, marveling at him--he was so much more beautiful than even my best pregnant moment could have dreamed him to be--and side-eyeing Mike into refilling the cranberry juice cup on my bedside table. Get me more delicious juice, babe, while I hold our delicious boy.

That's the thing about memory, you see, it's so far gone until it knocks us over flat with its presence. It's nothing until it's everything. It's a four-year-old boy kicking a soccer ball the wrong way down the field until it's a newborn with steel-blue eyes who looks at you like he's always known you (because he always has). Memory is dormant until it's all-encompassing. It's a planned blog post about (more) shoes until it's a blog post about how my tiny boy is now a soccer-ball chasing big boy.

He was the left and now he's the right.

It all came back in a cranberry-juice-soaked moment.

On the Road

In college, Mike had a motorcycle and we'd ride it often. To dinner, around town on Sunday afternoons, and occasionally we'd take it out for the weekend and ride it around Texas, sometimes stopping to camp for the night. While I often complain about this state and all it's far-right politics and absolutely horrible weather, I still love it in very big ways and one cause of that love is seeing it from the back of a bike. It's something else, this big, sprawling state of ours. I loved those rides so much.

Mike still rides, although almost exclusively on the track these days. He races in an amateur circuit around Oklahoma and Texas--which is much safer than you're thinking, closed and controlled environment--and those Sunday afternoons of riding around our college town are behind us. They have to be, for the most part. We've grown up, we have a son, we can't afford multiple bikes, or an extra vehicle on our insurance plan. Mike also felt like while he was becoming a more and more responsible rider, the drivers around him were becoming less and less so. Texting, talking on the phone, etc. All things motorcyclists don't do. All things that can obviously still affect them.

All that said, it had been five years since I was on a bike and I thought it was time for me to hop back on, for a low-key, keep-to-the-back-roads ride with Mike, for a just-us birthday celebration. We borrowed his mom's road bike--yep, both his parents ride--stayed close to home and avoided all freeways and roads where the speed limit was over 55.

It was kind of like riding a bike (ha). It all came back to me. I remembered how to lean into the turns, hold onto Mike in a natural way, and I started waving at other bikers just a few minutes into the ride.

One thing I had forgotten was the smell of the road. It's a little indescribable, but it's something of a mix of fresh air, engine fumes, dirt, and smoke. It hit me in an instant, that smell I used to smell so often. It sticks to your clothes and I remember when Mike used to walk into the house in college, how the smell would greet me before he would. "Where'd you ride to?" I used to ask before I even looked up.

We left without any plans for the night, so we felt lucky to stumble upon some great lakeside cabins with just one available room left. We ate dinner at the resort's marina restaurant and it was delicious--a lot of veggie options, even!--and then we curled up in bed and watched our football team try their best to give us heart attacks. (We won but just barely and after being up 27 points earlier in the game!)

We stopped for breakfast on the way back, before picking up Kyle and returning to the dishes and bills and errands. We weren't gone long, we weren't gone far, but it felt like traveling back in time a little bit, being young again, falling in love with Texas again. Falling in love with Mike again. I am always reminded when I spend any time alone with him just how much I still like him. He's a likable guy, I think, but I always am re-surprised by just how much I enjoy him, how he fits me, how it's still so fun to make him laugh.

It was a really lovely night away.

It was good to smell the road again.

Back It Is

I used to write here all the time. My monthly archives show I wrote 27 posts in December 2010, for example. (Twenty-seven! Posts! That's so many words! Although taking a quick glance at those posts, it's also a lot of lists, so apparently I still blog, I just do it on the notepad I keep in my purse now.)

I feel like while I'm busier than ever, I just don't have as much to say. I mean I do, of course, I could always talk about something. (SONS OF ANARCHY, I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS.) But everything is as it always is, as it should be, and there's nothing going on that's really new or noteworthy or something I haven't written about a dozen times before.

Then, when I do think of something grand to write about--a new Real Marriages post, my monthly menu plan, fitness thoughts, etc.--it gets buried by deadlines I have elsewhere. I have to do that thing over there before doing anything fun over here and time just sneaks away and away and away.

Did there used to be more hours in the day? In December 2010, I think there must have been.

STILL. I really miss it. I miss hitting publish so often. I miss seeing comment emails hit my inbox. I miss connecting with someone over a shared thought or experience. I really miss looking back on my life through the lens of this blog and remembering so much I had forgotten. I miss the regular process of recording it, too.

Blogging about blogging is spectacularly uninteresting, even as I re-read this I'm a little uninterested in myself, but I swore I'd hit publish this time, so I'm going to.

I also swear I'm going to make more of an effort to hit publish more of the time, even if it's a crappy post, even if it's just more lists. Maybe I'll even post every day in November if that's even still a Blogging Thing (is it?) because when you miss something, you either find a way to move on or you find a way back.

Back it is.